Bottom of the News… Friday, January 29, 2010

Good morning my fellow Rotarians. Today I am reporting on the annual Ig Nobel Prize Winners… The 19th 1st annual event recognized achievements that first make people LAUGH, then make them THINK!

PEACE PRIZE: Five professors from the forensic department at the University of Bern in Switzerland determined that it is more damaging to the skull to be smashed over the head with a full bottle of beer when compared to an empty bottle.

HEALTH CARE PRIZE. Four doctors from Duke University, MIT, Stanford University and INSEAD University in Singapore demonstrated that high-priced fake medicine is more effective than low-priced fake medicine.

LINGUISTICS PRIZE: Three linguists from the University of Barcelona showed that rats sometimes cannot tell the difference between a person speaking Japanese backwards and a person speaking Dutch backwards.

CHEMISTRY PRIZE: Three researchers from the University of Mexico were able to create diamonds from liquid — specifically from tequila.

MEDICINE PRIZE: Donald Unger, private investigator from Thousand Oaks, CA, determined that a possible cause of arthritis in the fingers can be caused by cracking your knuckles. Unger’s research included diligently cracking the knuckles of his left hand — but never cracking the knuckles of his right hand — every day for more than sixty (60) years.

PHYSICS PRIZE: Physics researchers from the University of Cincinnati, Harvard and the University of Texas, collaborated their research for four years and were able to determine analytically why pregnant women don't tip over.

VETERINARY MEDICINE PRIZE: Researchers from Newcastle University in the UK proved that cows who have names give more milk than cows that are nameless.

BIOLOGY PRIZE. Three researchers from the National Veterinarian Institute discovered that fleas that live on dogs can jump higher than the fleas that live on cats.

PUBLIC HEALTH PRIZE: Three women from Chicago won this award for inventing and getting a patent on a bra that, in an emergency, can be quickly converted into a pair of protective face masks, one for the bra wearer and one to be given to some needy bystander.

LITERATURE PRIZE: Ireland's police service won this award for writing and presenting more than 50 traffic tickets to the most frequent driving offender in the country — Prawo Jazdy — whose name in Polish means "Driving License".

There you have ‘em, the 2009 Ig Nobel Prize Winners. Our Bottom of the News on this Friday, January 29, 2010. ###

Bottom of the News… Friday, January 22, 2010

Good morning my fellow Rotarians. Today we are back in the news and our first story comes from Longview, CO…

Longview, CO: Police report that a 17-year-old in Longview was siphoning gas from a car when he decided to light a cigarette. The resulting flash fire interrupted the theft and left the unnamed teen with burns over 30 percent of his body. Fire department Lt. Jason Sanders summed it up this way: "The fumes from the gas and the cigarette decided to catch fire because they are just naturally attracted to each other.”

Saskatuwan, Canada: Alexander Rodriquez, 23, was arrested in Regina, Sask., Canada, for allegedly hanging around in the bakery section of a supermarket. Rodriguez was spotted opening cake boxes, touching them and then licking the frosting. When the store staff asked him what he was doing, Rodriquez responded by saying that he was... “checking for freshness. Of course, according to store manager, he said "There's a date on the box, but I'm guessing from the looks of Rodriguez, he hasn't had a date in his life.”

Auckland, NZ: Constable Cathy Druder was patrolling outer Aucland in New Zealand when she spotted two bicyclists. She stopped them because they were totally nude… "They were more shocked than I was,” said Druder. “They were trying to cover up their bits and pieces with their hands.” When she asked them why they were riding without clothes, the two "very fit" men in their 20s said "they wanted to experience total freedom." So Druder told them “The way you're heading, you're going to experience total confinement'." Druder gave them a warning and issued tickets for “failure to wear helmets” and sent them on their way.” (Hmmm… “bits and pieces” never heard it put that way!).

And finally, here are Top 10 REAL newspaper headlines from around the US in 2009:

• New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
  
• British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
  
• Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
  
• Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
  
• Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
  
• Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  
• Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
  
• Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  
• Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
  
• Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

There you have it, real news all the time that is our Bottom of the News on this Friday, January 22, 2010. ###

Bottom of the News… Friday, January 8, 2010

Good morning my fellow Rotarians and Happy New Year! I’ve made it a tradition of starting each Rotary News Year by sharing New Year’s resolutions with you. You did know that anything you do more than once qualifies as a tradition, right? Anyway… let’s start with the history of New Year’s resolutions…

It is said that this tradition of making New Year's Resolutions was started by early Babylonians. Their #1 resolution was to return borrowed farm equipment so they could begin the new year with a clean slate. Some believe that resolutions were once promises made to the Gods, in the hope that the Gods would grant them some favor in return, such as a good harvest. It was also believed that breaking a resolution brought bad luck on the individual hence one was advised to be careful while making New Year's Resolutions.

Today the most popular resolutions are about improving one’s health, looks, eating better and/or exercising more to lose weight. Other very popular, and the most often broken resolutions, are to quit smoking and drinking. The most common resolutions are dealing with better money management, saving more and reducing debt.

Half of Americans make resolutions each year and yet those promises seem to fade quickly. Typically, after one week 25% have dropped off, in one month 40% are gone and within 3 months, 70% of all resolutions are forgotten.

So, are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not find some things that you can feel good about accomplishing? Things that aren’t hard to do! Here are some ideas to help you get started...

• Read less.
  
• Watch more TV.
• Spend more time at work.
• Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
• Stop bringing lunch from home, eat out more.
• Get into a whole NEW rut!
• Start being superstitious.
• Take a vacation to someplace important, like, to see the world’s largest ball of twine or the international SPAM museum.
• Gain weight, at least 30 pounds.
• Make it a personal goal to bring back disco.
• Stop exercising; it’s a waste of your time.
• Procrastinate more, starting tomorrow.

There you go, resolutions you can feel good about! Right?!? Hey, let’s have some fun this year as we start a new decade! Happy New Year from the Bottom of the News on this Friday, January 8, 2010!

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