New Year's Resolution from my Grandsons

Good morning my fellow Rotarians and Happy New Year! After spending a lot of time with my two grandsons (5 and 3) over the holidays and watching how they drive their mom nuts, I thought maybe they could use some new year’s resolution ideas to help out their parents.

Caleb… the ‘all-knowing always right’ five-year old

1. I will try to not have girlfriends every day on the bus ride to Pre-School.

2. I will try to accept the fact that at the age of five I don’t know everything yet and that I am not always right, even though I kinda think I am and I like telling people that.

3. I will work on not making little kids cry because apparently its not nice to tell the truth about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny by saying they are only a figment of someone’s imagination made up to trick little kids.

4. I will stop telling my mom that, as a girl, she needs to do a better job of understanding the perspective of an overly active, very intelligent five year old boy.

5. I will stop telling everyone that Javin still has to wear a pull up at bed time and cannot yet wear big boy pants (yes, that makes him really mad and he punches me every time I say it).

Javin… the ‘energizer bunny and sports nut’ three-year old

1. I will try to find other clothes to wear other than my Hawkeye stuff or my Payton Manning jersey (I WANT to wear them every day!).

2. I will stop telling my mom that her macaroni and cheese is fake and that I love Papa’s Kraft mac & cheese and that we should eat it every day at our house.

3. I will try to remember to not keep yelling ‘go Hawks’ when I am with Papa at UNI and Mount Mercy games.

4. I will try to stop pounding on my brother and screaming at him every time he enters the room, especially when my mom and dad are no where in site.

5. I will stop asking my mom every morning when I wake up ‘do the Hawkeyes play today?’

6. I promise to stop sneaking out of the house to pee in the front yard when my mom is not looking.

There you have ‘em, resolutions for my grandsons. You think there’s any chance of this stuff ever happening? Happy New Year from the Bottom of the News on this Friday, January 14, 2011! ###

Mom's Dear Santa Letter

Good morning my fellow Rotarians.  As the Christmas season is upon us I wanted to a Dear Santa Letter from a Mom…

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office too much, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash with staples and a glue gun.

And Santa I’m writing this list while hiding in my laundry room to get away for a few moments and wanted to quickly jot down my Christmas wishes:  I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music and a television that doesn't show programs with talking animals.

On the practical side, how about a talking daughter doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight. I could also use a recording of a Tibetan monk chanting, "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late for any of these things, I'd settle for time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.  
Santa, would it be okay if we could declare ketchup a vegetable? Also, it would be great if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payments.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think I’ve been discovered. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many and please don’t leave crumbs on my carpet.

Yours Always, Mom

P.S. And one more thing Santa...  you can cancel all my requests if you can simply keep my children young enough to believe in you.

So, this is my last newscast for 2010.  May we each of us count our blessings as we spend time with friends and families and most importantly, may we remember the REAL reason we celebrate Christmas – the first coming of Jesus Christ to this earth.  

I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and that is our bottom of the news for 12-12-2010!  

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Drug Teachers, Super Sized Fliers & Old Men Driving

Good morning my fellow Rotarians, here is our latest bottom of the news stories on this Friday, November 12th…

HOUSTON, TX:  Drug Teachers…  Teachers in Houston are crying foul because the Houston School District has decided school "zero tolerance" policies should apply to teachers as well.  At least eight teachers, including a Texas "Teacher of the Year," have been arrested on drug charges, two of them twice, after school police with drug-sniffing dogs were brought in to search teachers' cars and desks. The searches are "a very wide and very destructive dragnet," complained Tom Shahiria, a former attorney, now a fifth-grade teacher.  He says that he has a problem with "using the zero-tolerance laws that show zero compassion and zero common sense."  Hmmm, seems like a classic case of “do as I say, not as I do” example.

QUEENSLAND, AUS: Super Sized Flying…  Samantha Scafe was incensed when she flew Jetstar Airlines recently.  Jetstar made her pay for two seats because she weighs 353 lbs, but Scafe says that when she booked her ticket by phone the airline told her "not to worry about paying for a second seat."  However, when she arrived at the airport the agents told her that “for other people’s comfort” because of her size, she needed to pay for a second seat.  She argued that the agent was discriminating against her, but eventually gave up and paid for the extra seat.  Upon boarding the airplane she quickly realized there was a problem… her two seats were not together. Scafe is now considering suing the airline for discrimination, public embarrassment and severe emotional trauma.

TAMPA, FL:  Old Men Driving…  Stanley Makowski, 79, has lived in Tampa, FL for 30 years and lost his license last year after he drove away after an accident – the police said it was a hit and run. To get his license back he has to take pass the standard written test, which is 20 multiple-choice questions and you need 15 correct answers to pass. The test does not have a time limit, plus you can take it as many times as you need to pass.  "I've been driving for 65 years and, see and they keep making changes to the rules and they never tell me," he explains.  “Maybe I'll try again tomorrow." If and when he passes the written test, then he has to take a driving test.  He can only fail this test five times and then Florida will ban him from driving for life.  And oh, did I tell you, over the past year, Markowski has failed the 20 Question written test 72 times.

And there you have it, that’s our bottom of news this Friday, 11-12-2010.  ###