Qantas
Comedians
Good morning Daybreak Rotarians. Has anyone flown on Qantas Airlines? They have never, ever, had an accident and some
believe it is because of their comprehensive safety checks.
Qantas
pilots fill out a form after every flight, called a 'Gripe Sheet', which tells
mechanics about problems and the mechanics fix things, document the repairs and
then pilots review the comments before the next flight.
BUT…
some people question how their system can be so effective when you read
some of their Gripe Sheets. Suffice it
to say that the ground crews don’t lack for a sense of humor. I thought I’d share some reports submitted by
Qantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers.
· P: Left inside
main tire almost needs replacement. M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
· P: Test flight
OK, except auto-land very rough. M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
· P: Something
loose in cockpit. M: Something tightened in cockpit.
· P: Dead bugs on
windshield. M: Live bugs on back-order.
· P: Autopilot in
altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. M: Cannot reproduce
problem on ground.
· P: Evidence of
leak on right main landing gear. M: Evidence removed.
· P: DME volume
unbelievably loud. M: DME volume set to more believable level.
· P: Friction
locks cause throttle levers to stick. M: That's what friction locks are for.
· P: IFF
inoperative in OFF mode. M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
· P: Suspected
crack in windshield. M: Suspect you're right.
· P: Number 3
engine missing. M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
· P: Aircraft
handles funny. M: Aircraft warned to
straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
· P: Target radar
hums. M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
· P: Mouse in
cockpit. M: Cat installed.
·
And the best one for last… P: Noise coming from under
instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. M:
Took hammer away from midget.
These guys
are comedians! And that my is the bottom
of our news as on this Friday, June 14, 2013.
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