Bottom of the News… Friday, October 31, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians. With today being Halloween it seems that this entire week is a time when stranger than normal people appear kind of like when a full moon happens. So to honor this bizarre holiday that celebrates the dead I start with a story from …
Corpse on Train
Germany: Where train commuters report finding a dead person on their train ride tow work last week. As it later turned out, the man was not dead, but rather was passed out cold in a drunken sleep, according to police. The man was in costume to be a zombe and fell asleep on his way home from an all night Halloween party.
Bomb Scare
Norway: A Halloween prop sparked panic on a college campus in Bergen, Norway last week. A suspicious package was found on a car parked outside a student dormitory and was immediately reported to police, which resulted in the evacuation of the dormitory and the surrounding area on campus.
According to police the owner of the package “did not intend for it to create a big bomb scare.” Eventually it was discovered that a student had left the ‘prop’ sitting on the trunk of his car when parking to attend a Halloween party. His prop was a fake bomb that looked very real with wires sticking out of it and making a ticking noise. And the student’s costume for the party… he was dressed up as a suicide bomber.
Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating
10. You get winded walking from door to door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and you can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
2. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
1. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
And there you have it, the Hallow’s Eve version of the Bottom of the News for this Friday, October 31st 2008!
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Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, October 24, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians, well today I thought I would share some news about beer and the credit crisis. Our first story comes from…
Rubber Sidewalks
Ames, IA: There are no loading docks for the bars in the Campustown section of Ames so the beer distributors drop off kegs of beer next to the fire station. But there were so many kegs hitting the sidewalk that they would crack and quickly start falling apart. To address the issue, the city has installed a rubber sidewalk. According to the campus newspaper, the other handy benefit of this rubber sidewalk is that is has reduced injuries to the falling-down drunks as well.
The Credit Crunch… Okay, top of Mind Topic!
The Bank returned a check to me yesterday marked "Insufficient Funds". And I had to ask, is it them or me?Overheard in a bar; "This Credit Crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife!"
Q: What's the difference between an Investment Banker and a pigeon? The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a Ferrari.
The Credit Crunch has helped Dick Fuld get back on his feet. His car was repossessed!
Investment Tips
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines stock one year ago, today you would have $49. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG stock one year ago, today you would have $33.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers stock one year ago, today you would have zero dollars!
But, consider this investment… If you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer and then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling today you would have $214. Based on this approach, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News for this Friday, October 24th, 2008! ###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians, well today I thought I would share some news about beer and the credit crisis. Our first story comes from…
Rubber Sidewalks
Ames, IA: There are no loading docks for the bars in the Campustown section of Ames so the beer distributors drop off kegs of beer next to the fire station. But there were so many kegs hitting the sidewalk that they would crack and quickly start falling apart. To address the issue, the city has installed a rubber sidewalk. According to the campus newspaper, the other handy benefit of this rubber sidewalk is that is has reduced injuries to the falling-down drunks as well.
The Credit Crunch… Okay, top of Mind Topic!
The Bank returned a check to me yesterday marked "Insufficient Funds". And I had to ask, is it them or me?Overheard in a bar; "This Credit Crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife!"
Q: What's the difference between an Investment Banker and a pigeon? The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a Ferrari.
The Credit Crunch has helped Dick Fuld get back on his feet. His car was repossessed!
Investment Tips
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines stock one year ago, today you would have $49. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG stock one year ago, today you would have $33.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers stock one year ago, today you would have zero dollars!
But, consider this investment… If you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer and then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling today you would have $214. Based on this approach, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News for this Friday, October 24th, 2008! ###
Friday, October 24, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, October 24, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians, well today I thought I would share some news about BEER and the credit crisis. Our first story comes from…
Rubber Sidewalks
Ames, IA: There are no loading docks for the bars in the Campustown section of Ames so the beer distributors drop off kegs of beer next to the fire station. But there were so many kegs hitting the sidewalk that they would crack and quickly start falling apart. To address the issue, the city has installed a rubber sidewalk. According to the campus newspaper, the other handy benefit of this rubber sidewalk is that is has reduced injuries to the falling-down drunks as well.
The Credit Crunch… Okay, top of Mind Topic!
The Bank returned a check to me yesterday marked "Insufficient Funds". And I had to ask, is it them or me?Overheard in a bar; "This Credit Crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife!"
Q: What's the difference between an Investment Banker and a pigeon? The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a Ferrari.
The Credit Crunch has helped Dick Fuld get back on his feet. His car was repossessed!
Investment Tips
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines stock one year ago, today you would have $49. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG stock one year ago, today you would have $33.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers stock one year ago, today you would have zero dollars!
But, consider this investment… If you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer and then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling today you would have $214. Based on this approach, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News for this Friday, October 24th, 2008! ###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians, well today I thought I would share some news about BEER and the credit crisis. Our first story comes from…
Rubber Sidewalks
Ames, IA: There are no loading docks for the bars in the Campustown section of Ames so the beer distributors drop off kegs of beer next to the fire station. But there were so many kegs hitting the sidewalk that they would crack and quickly start falling apart. To address the issue, the city has installed a rubber sidewalk. According to the campus newspaper, the other handy benefit of this rubber sidewalk is that is has reduced injuries to the falling-down drunks as well.
The Credit Crunch… Okay, top of Mind Topic!
The Bank returned a check to me yesterday marked "Insufficient Funds". And I had to ask, is it them or me?Overheard in a bar; "This Credit Crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife!"
Q: What's the difference between an Investment Banker and a pigeon? The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a Ferrari.
The Credit Crunch has helped Dick Fuld get back on his feet. His car was repossessed!
Investment Tips
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines stock one year ago, today you would have $49. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG stock one year ago, today you would have $33.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers stock one year ago, today you would have zero dollars!
But, consider this investment… If you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer and then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling today you would have $214. Based on this approach, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News for this Friday, October 24th, 2008! ###
Friday, October 10, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, October 10, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarian, well Fall is in the air and it seems there are many interesting characters in our world. Our first story comes from…
This Smells Odd
Seattle, WA – When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very ill man curled up on the ground next to the motor home.
Police quickly determined that while trying to siphon gasoline the man actually plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Spelling Errors and Wrong Notes
San Francisco, CA – A man walked into the downtown Bank of America and on the back of a deposit slip wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, the man began to worry that someone may have seen him write the note andmight call the police before he could reach the teller.
So, the criminal left the Bank of America and walked across to the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting in line for several minutes there, he handed his note to a teller. After reading it, the teller determined that this robber was perhaps a few bricks short of a load.She told him that because his note was written on a Bank of America deposit slip, she could not honor his demand. He would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo withdrawal slip or go back to the Bank of America.
Feeling defeated, the man said he understood and left. The Wells Fargo teller promptly called the police, who arrested the man a few minutes later--still waiting in line at the Bank of America.
A Little Gas
Holland – A Dutch veterinarian was fined 600 guilders (or about $240) for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde, the Netherlands.
The vet had been trying to convince a farmer that his cow was passing flatulent gas. To demonstrate, the vet ignited the gas, but the cow became a "four-legged flame-thrower" and ran wild, setting fire to bales of hay and several buildings.
Damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000. The cow was unharmed.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News for this Friday, October 10, 2008!
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarian, well Fall is in the air and it seems there are many interesting characters in our world. Our first story comes from…
This Smells Odd
Seattle, WA – When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very ill man curled up on the ground next to the motor home.
Police quickly determined that while trying to siphon gasoline the man actually plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Spelling Errors and Wrong Notes
San Francisco, CA – A man walked into the downtown Bank of America and on the back of a deposit slip wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, the man began to worry that someone may have seen him write the note andmight call the police before he could reach the teller.
So, the criminal left the Bank of America and walked across to the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting in line for several minutes there, he handed his note to a teller. After reading it, the teller determined that this robber was perhaps a few bricks short of a load.She told him that because his note was written on a Bank of America deposit slip, she could not honor his demand. He would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo withdrawal slip or go back to the Bank of America.
Feeling defeated, the man said he understood and left. The Wells Fargo teller promptly called the police, who arrested the man a few minutes later--still waiting in line at the Bank of America.
A Little Gas
Holland – A Dutch veterinarian was fined 600 guilders (or about $240) for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde, the Netherlands.
The vet had been trying to convince a farmer that his cow was passing flatulent gas. To demonstrate, the vet ignited the gas, but the cow became a "four-legged flame-thrower" and ran wild, setting fire to bales of hay and several buildings.
Damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000. The cow was unharmed.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News for this Friday, October 10, 2008!
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