Thursday, September 27, 2007

Well, my fellow Rotarians, let’s take a look at some of the weird and crazy things that are happening in our world in the Bottom of the News this Friday, September 28, 2007.

Airline Loses Boy!

Calgary, Canada – In a recent flight from Calgary to Vancouver, Cory Henry was flying alone as an “unaccompanied minor” on WestJet Airlines. The 7-year old could not be found after the plane landed, even though he had a large brightly colored tag around his neck. His grandmother, who was waiting to pick up Cory, was shocked and distraught, thinking her grandson had been kidnapped!

The airline, whose policies require a flight attendant to escort minors off each flight, had no immediate explanation; the flight crew had searched the plane several times.

As it turned out, Cory was eventually found in the cockpit with two pilots. The pilots were so busy doing their show and tell thing with the 7-year that they neglected to tell the flight crew about the boy being with them.

To a much relieved (and yet still very angry) grandmother, Cory, in his youthful zeal said… “Hey grandma, at least they didn’t lose my bag!” WestJet, which by the way is one of the top airlines when it comes to handling (and not losing) bags, promised to take immediate steps to tighten up their procedures for the handling of minors.

Who Knows the Rules?

Alexandria, VA - Bryan Hilferty, an umpire at his son's Little League game recently wasn't sure how to call a play. When he asked to see the league's official rule book, no one had a copy. Upon further research on the league’s website he could not find a rule book either so he called the Virginia little league headquarters.

To his surprise Hilferty was told that "not just anyone" can get a copy of the rules – this had become the league’s standard response over the past year because they were tired of being sued by players' parents.

Ironically, Hilferty is a Lt. Colonel in the Air Force who has a high level security clearance in the E-ring of the Pentagon.

Virginia little league officials were not impressed with Hilferty’s status and said they would not give special treatment even to a high level Pentagon official.

League spokesman Lance Van Auken said, "We expect everybody to abide by the same rules." So, the question remains for Hilferty… “what are those rules!”

Hope Springs Eternal

Detroit, MI – Last week a call came in to the Michigan state trooper’s dispatcher from a caller who wanted troopers to "be on guard." The caller also suggested that they stop by to check out an upcoming event that the caller thought could get out of hand, according to the dispatcher.

The caller, named Geraldine, was having a birthday party at “the home” and was concerned things might "get a bit wild" at her upcoming party. The "home" was a senior citizen center and Geraldine was turning 92.

Trooper Tony Daversa heard about this call and thought this was such a cute story that he decided to drop off a birthday card for the birthday girl at the home. When Geraldine met the trooper she was thrilled at first, but then became confused because her party wasn’t scheduled until the next week.

As it turned out, Geraldine didn’t want a real cop, but rather she, and all of her girl friends at the home, wanted a stripper dressed up as a cop to come out the day of party!

And that, my friends, is the bottom of the news on September 28, 2007.


Thursday, September 20, 2007

This week's bottom of the news is... Top 10 Most Practical 'Out of Office' Automatic E-mail Replies. Here are some ideas that you can use to spice up your auto replies:

# 10. Thank you for your message, which has been added to our q-ing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

# 9. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (NOTE: The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over!)

# 8. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

# 7. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

# 6. I’m out of the office for 2 weeks due to medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Bob'

# 5. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

# 4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

# 3. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't receive anything from me at all.

# 2. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

# 1. I've run away to join a different circus!

And that, my friends, is the bottom of the news on September 21, 2007.


Saturday, September 15, 2007

And now for the bottom of the news for September 14, 2007...

CHARLOTTE, NC: A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and WON!

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be “unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the "fires."

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ABBOTSFORD, BC Canada: Two men were arrested a few weeks back for operating the same vehicle while intoxicated in the Abbotsford area.

Harvey Miller, age 43, has no legs and was only steering the 1985 Chevrolet truck from the driver's seat, according to his own admission. Edwin Marzinske, his friend who has legs, was operating the brake and gas pedals, according to the police report.

After police pulled the men over at 2:40 in the morning, Miller argued with police that he was not driving the car because he couldn't push the pedals, even though he admitted he was too drunk to drive. The police didn’t buy it and Miller was arrested on his third drunk driving offense, while his friend was cited for a second offense.

There was a third man in the car and he was drunk as well. He decided however to walked himself home after the incident.

EAST DUBLIN, GA: Two states, Texas and Georgia, now have their own official American Redneck Games! The games were held in July and were not just for good ole southern boys, but included female contestants and a coed division as well.

Some of the more notable “competitions” included…
• Mud-pit belly-flopping
• Armpit music competition
• Mattress chucking
• Red-neck horseshoes (played with toilet seats)
• A Spam-and-jalapeno-eating contest…
• And the most popular event of all… The coed butt-crack contest!

A proud wife of one of the contestants said… “There is something really special about watching 10 good ole boys chawing away at pink bricks of Spam while Steppenwolf's 'Born to Be Wild' is blaring in the background; only in America!"

And that, my friends, is the bottom of the news for this Friday, September 14th, 2007.