Bottom of the News… Friday, July 24, 2009

Good morning my fellow Rotarians. Well, since I will be traveling the next two weeks for an international conference in Australia, I thought that some travel news might be in order. These are REAL stories told by travel agents...

 How about the passenger who asked for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

 A man called, furious about his Orlando, FL package. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. The agent explained that an ocean view room was impossible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
The man replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

 A woman called her travel agent and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." When asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yea, whatever."

 A man was asking the check-in desk how he would know which plane to get on?" When asked to explain he said… "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

 A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" When asked why she questioned this, she replied, "Well, when I checked in they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT on it. I admit I’m a bit overweight, so I am wondering the connection?" The agent had to put the woman on hold for a minute, telling her, “I will look into it." Actually, the agent was laughing hysterically! When she got her wits together she came back to the caller and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage and NOT her description.

Oh, the joys of traveling! I will see that first hand again as I start my journey next Thursday to Sydney, Aus. There are more than a dozen Rotary clubs in the metro are and my hope is to visit one or two. The news will continue with Brother Steve Carpenter filling in next week and I will see you in 3 weeks. That’s the bottom of the news for July 24, 2009! ###

Bottom of the News… Friday, July 17, 2009

Good morning my fellow Rotarians. Well, my news this morning has come from much research regarding two of our presidents, John F Kennedy and Abraham Lincoln. Here is my report on a few interesting facts about these men…

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Okay listen carefully… Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names; both names totaled 15 letters.

And there is more… Lincoln was shot in the Ford Theater; Kennedy was shot in a Ford car, a Lincoln.

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were both assassinated before their trials.

And finally... A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland; a week before Kennedy was shot, he was reportedly with Marilyn Monroe.

Okay, is that wild or what??? A “history mystery” is our Bottom of the News on this Friday, July 17, 2009! ###

Bottom of the News… Friday, July 10, 2009

Good morning my fellow Rotarians. Today I want to remind everyone why we love children. Quite honestly they have very interesting opinions and sometimes we just need to think about the perspective from which they see the world…

KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

MORE NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

Kids, you gotta love em! And that is the Bottom of the News on this Friday, July 10, 2009! ###