Friday, August 12, 2011

Church Signs – For Real!

Good morning my fellow Rotarians.  Have you ever really paid attention to sayings you see on church signs?  You know the one that has the pastor’s name, church service times and some cute saying.  Well, someone pays attention to those and I thought I would share some of the interesting ones… 

·         Don’t give up; Moses was once a basket case too.

·         If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again!

·         Free coffee. Everlasting life.  Yes, membership has it privileges.

·         ATM inside.  Atonement, truth and mercy.

·         Let’s meet at my house Sunday before the game.

·         What part of ‘thou shall not’ don’t you understand?

·         Forgive your enemies, it messes with their heads.

·         Don’t be so open minded, or your brains will fall out.

·         God so loved the world that He did not send a committee!

·         Tomorrow’s forecast…  God reigns and the son shines.

·         We believe in UFO’s.  Unity, forgiveness and outreach.

·         If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.

·         Life stinks; we have a pew for you.

·         Be as good a person as your pet believes you are.

·         Wal-Mart isn’t the only saving place in town.

·         Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

·         There are some questions that cannot be answered by Google.

There you go, and who said God doesn’t have a sense of humor!  Unusual church signs make the bottom of the news on this Friday, August 12th, 2011. 


Friday, August 05, 2011

Kids Say the Darnedest Things!

Good morning my fellow Rotarians! Do we have any grade school teachers in the room this morning? Well I'm sure you would agree that kids can say the darnedest things! Right? As a parent or grandparent you know this as well.

So, thought I would share a few amusing quotes from some grade school teachers regarding things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:
  • The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
  • A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
  • Water is composed of two gins. Oxygen and hydrogen. Oxygen is pure gin. Hydrogen is gin and water.
  • Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
  • The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 opossums.
  • The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
  • One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
  • The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
  • The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
  • Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
  • Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
  • In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
And there you have 'em, quotables from our kids because they can say the darnedest things! And that's the bottom of our news on this Friday, August 5th, 2011.