Thursday, June 27, 2013

Calling Police When Old

How to Call the Police When You Are Old!

Good morning Daybreakers! A special shout out to Greg Sunberg this morning. He was the contributing editor for the true story I’m about to share with you.

George Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, and they asked him "Is someone in your house?" He said "No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.”

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available"

George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my garden shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both. And my dogs are eating them as we speak," and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a paramedic, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said you shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

(True Story) I LOVE IT! Don't mess with old people. REMEMBER… Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

And that is the Bottom of the News on this Friday, June 28, 2013! ###

Friday, June 14, 2013

Airline Comedy

Qantas Comedians

Good morning Daybreak Rotarians.  Has anyone flown on Qantas Airlines?  They have never, ever, had an accident and some believe it is because of their comprehensive safety checks. 

Qantas pilots fill out a form after every flight, called a 'Gripe Sheet', which tells mechanics about problems and the mechanics fix things, document the repairs and then pilots review the comments before the next flight. 

BUT…  some people question how their system can be so effective when you read some of their Gripe Sheets.  Suffice it to say that the ground crews don’t lack for a sense of humor.   I thought I’d share some reports submitted by Qantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers.

·       P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

·       P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

·       P: Something loose in cockpit. M: Something tightened in cockpit.

·       P: Dead bugs on windshield. M: Live bugs on back-order.

·       P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

·       P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. M: Evidence removed.

·       P: DME volume unbelievably loud. M: DME volume set to more believable level.

·       P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. M: That's what friction locks are for.

·       P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

·       P: Suspected crack in windshield. M: Suspect you're right.

·       P: Number 3 engine missing. M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

·       P: Aircraft handles funny.  M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

·       P: Target radar hums. M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

·       P: Mouse in cockpit. M: Cat installed.

·       And the best one for last… P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. M: Took hammer away from midget.

These guys are comedians!  And that my is the bottom of our news as on this Friday, June 14, 2013.  ###