Thursday, September 27, 2012

Churchill's Way with Words

Churchill’s Way with Words!

Good morning my fellow Rotarians.  My thanks this morning to brother Carpenter for sending me some quotes of the great orator Winston Churchill. 

The prime minister loved paraprosdokians, which are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. So, let’s give a listen…

·       Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
·       The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
·       Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
·       If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
·       We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
·       War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
·       Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
·       To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
·       In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.
·       You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
·       I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
·       Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
·       You're never too old to learn something stupid.
·       Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

There you go, great quotes from a great statesman, Winston Churchill, as the Bottom of our News on this Friday, September 28, 2012. 


Thursday, September 13, 2012

Women's Rules for Men

The “Women's Rules” for Men…

Good morning my fellow Rotarians.  Well, last week I shared the “Man Rules.”  Many ladies insisted that I give them equal time, so in my own best interest, I thought it wise to share some of the “Women’s Rules for Men.”  So, here they are…

·       Women always make the rules.
·       The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
·       A woman is never wrong.
·       If a woman is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a result of something a man did or said wrong.
·       A woman may change her mind at any time.
·       Men should never say they understand because they don't.
·       Fashion police DO exist.
·       A man is expected to mind read at all times.
·       A woman is ready when she is ready.
·       A man must be ready at all times.
·       Men, when we come to you with a problem, be quiet and LISTEN we do NOT expect you to fix it!
·       Women will always think they are fat so men, humor them and tell them they are not!
·       Men, if you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.
·       No man can possibly know all the rules (that’s true, I actually found over 100 rules and Marla told me that was only the beginning!).
·       Men, even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emit other strange gases from your body, it's not.
·       If a woman has PMS, all rules (including men’s) are null and void. 

Men, take note of these Women’s Rules for Men as the Bottom of our News on this Friday, September 14, 2012.

Saturday, September 08, 2012

The Man Rules

The “Man Rules”…

Good morning my fellow Rotarians.  You know they say that sometimes laughter is the best medicine so I thought I share a story that some recently sent me about a preacher from Kentucky.

One of the men in our church decided to write down some of rules that guys want their wives to know; he called them the ‘Top 14 Man Rules.’ 

  1. Men are NOT mind readers.
  2.  Football on the weekends; it’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.  Let it be.
  3. Shopping is NOT a sport.  And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
  4. Crying is blackmail.
  5. Ask for what you want.  Let us be clear on this one:   Subtle hints do not work!  Strong hints do not work!  Obvious hints do not work!  Just say it!
  6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  8. Whenever possible, Please say WHATEVER you have to say during commercials.
  9. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
  10. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  11. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
  12. I am in shape.  Round IS a shape!
  13. If you think you're fat, you probably are.   Don't ask us.
  14. Thank you for reading this.  Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight; did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
 There you have it, the ‘Man Rules.’ So, should I find the Women’s rules as well?  And that’s the Bottom of our News on this Friday, September 7, 2012.