Friday, May 15, 2009

Bottom of the News… Friday, May 15th, 2009

Good morning Rotary! It is a beautiful very special day! Your Rotary Reporter has secured never-before-released consumer reports regarding unnamed individuals who fall under the “not so smart” department…

From Sacramento, CA… We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower. I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two...' We haven't used Sears repair since.

From Atlanta, GA… My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'You gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

In rural Missouri… We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. When asked about her reason for the request, she said, “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”

From a Ford dealership in Canton, MS... When I left Hawaii and was transferred to Florida, I still had the Hawaiian plates on my car, as my car was shipped from Hawaii. I was parking somewhere (I can't remember) and a guy asked me "Wow, you drove from Hawaii to here?" I looked at him and quickly said "Yep. I took the Hawaii/San Francisco Bridge". He nodded his head and said "Cool!"

From Kansas City… I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' The baggage clerk smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

In Birmingham , AL… The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it is a signal for blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

At a Chevy dealership in Tennessee… When my husband and I arrived at the dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'Its open!' His reply, 'I know, I already got that side.'

here you have ‘em, real and unedited and “not so smart…” our Bottom of the News on this Friday, May 22, 2009!


Thursday, May 07, 2009

Bottom of the News… Friday, May 8th, 2009

Good morning my fellow Rotarians. Today I thought I’d share with you some little known laws that are still on the books around our country from years gone by…

  • In Minnesota, it is illegal to cross state lines with duck on your head.
  • In Pennsylvania, it is illegal for a man to purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.
  • In Alaska, it is illegal to look at a moose from the window of an aircraft.
  • In Idaho, a citizen is forbidden to give another citizen a box of candy that weights more than 50 lbs.
  • By law, everybody in Vermont must take at least one bath a week.
  • In Kentucky it is illegal to carry an ice-cream cone in your pocket.
  • In Washington state, all lollipops are banned.
  • An unmarried woman may not parachute on Sunday in Florida.
  • In Atlanta Georgia, it is forbidden to dress a mannequin without first pulling down the window blinds.
  • In Milwaukee, residents must keep pet elephants on a leash while walking them on public streets.
  • In Muncie, Indiana, it is illegal to carry fishing tackle in a cemetery.
  • In Massachusetts, mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
  • In Chico, California you can be fined up $500 for detonating a nuclear device within the city limits!
  • It is illegal to gargle in public in Louisiana.
  • In Nebraska, a parent can be arrested if their child burps during church.
  • In Alabama it is illegal to wear a false moustache which causes laughter in church.
  • In Kansas, it is against the law to catch fish with your bare hands.
  • And finally… In Iowa, it is illegal for a kiss to last more than five minutes. Hmmm…

There they are, little known laws around our country so careful out there! (especially that kissing thing…) and that is the Bottom of the News this Friday, May 8, 2009! ###