Friday, December 21, 2007

Bottom of the News… Friday, December 21, 2007

Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well it is Christmastime and it is right around the corner, so I wanted share a few Christmas items from a few kids and a Mom…

Kids, who say the darndest things…

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what
would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church.
At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most
important role. Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister, "Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel."

A 7-year old child was drawing a picture of the Nativity. The picture was
very good, including Mary, Joseph and, of course, baby Jesus. However, there was a fat man standing in the corner of the stable that just did not seem to fit in. When the child was asked about it, she replied, "Oh, That's Round John Virgin."

A 3-year old asked why cookies and milk had to be left out for Santa? Before the mom could answer, her 8-year old daughter spoke up and said… “Because he's a man and can't get them for himself...”

Dear Santa Letter from a Mom…

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash with staples and a glue gun.

So, here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, how about a talking daughter doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight, and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of a Tibetan monk chanting, "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late for any of these things, I'd settle for time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.
Santa, would it be okay if we could declare ketchup a vegetable? Also, it would be great if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payments.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many and please don’t leave crumbs on my carpet.
Yours Always, Mom.

P.S. And one more thing Santa... you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in you.

And so as we wrap this year, may we count our blessings as we spend time with our friends and families. May we each remember the REAL reason we celebrate Christmas. As your Rotary Reporter for the bottom of the news on this Friday December 21st, I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!


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