Bottom of the News… Friday, July 25, 2008

Honoring Red Skelton

Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Last week, July 18th, was the birthday of “Red” Skelton, the all-American comedian from radio, TV and film for nearly 40 years. He died 11 years ago at the age of 84. He could make people laugh with by twisting his words and with his many facial expressions.

Quite often he made fun of his wife Edna, and yet as his chief writer, she wrote many of the bits where he picked on her. One of his most famous monologues I want to share with you today entitled… Red Skelton’s Recipe for a Perfect Marriage:

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere... but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. One morning she ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"

11. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

And that from the funny man Red Skelton. And one final famous quote he used to close his show each week… "Good night and may God bless."

So for our news today we honor a great American comedian on this Friday, July 25, 2008!

###