Bottom of the News…  Friday, October 9, 2010

 

Good morning my fellow Rotarians.  I recently found a “best practices” report from the airline industry and Qantas Airlines has an interesting approach.  Before each flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems and document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. 

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ Pilots (marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) by their Maintenance Engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S:  Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Target radar hums.
S:  Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a dwarf pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from dwarf.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.  And that is our bottom of news for this Friday, October 9, 2010.   

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