Learned from Mom

10 Things I learned from Mom!

Good morning my fellow Rotarians. This weekend includes a special Sunday, Mother’s Day. Guys, remember to call your mothers! Mom’s teach us a lot and I thought I’d share some things my mom taught me…

1. My mother taught me to PRAY... “You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

2. My mother taught me LOGIC… "If you fall out of that tree you're going to break your neck."

3. My mother taught me PLANNING… "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

4. My mother taught me IRONY… "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

5. My mother taught me about doing the IMPOSSIBLE… "look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

6. My mother taught me about WEATHER… "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

7. My mother taught me about predicting the FUTURE… "Just wait until your dad gets home."

8. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE… "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

9. My mother taught me HUMOR… "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

10.And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE… "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

There you go, ten things I learned from my mom as the bottom of our news. My special thanks to my mom and Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there on this Friday, May 8th, 2014.

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Times Are Changing

My Grandfather…  “That’s Crazy!”

Good morning my fellow Rotarians.  Found an article the other day about how much prices have gone up and how things have changed over the past 50 years.  These things reminded me of my Granfather who would often respond with “that’s crazy.“   So, here are a few things from 50 years ago that I could hear my grandfather say...

Did you hear the post  office is thinking about  charging 4 cents just to mail a letter?

If they raise  the minimum  wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at their store.

Someone told me that gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon? Guess we'd be better off  leaving the car in the garage because 25 cents a gallon is expensive (and crazy).

I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any  more.  Ever  since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL  or DAMN in it.

I read  the other day where some scientist thinks  it's  possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the  century.  They even  have some fellows they call astronauts  preparing for it down in Texas.

Some  baseball player just signed a contract  for $50,000 a year just to play ball?  It wouldn't surprise  me if someday  they'll make more than the President.

I’ve been hearing about this German car, the Volkswagen, and it might open the  door to a whole lot of foreign business in the United States.

Thank goodness I won't  live to see the day when  the  Government takes half our income in taxes.  I sometimes  wonder if  we are electing the best people to government.

There is this fast food restaurant called McDonald’s that is convenient for a  quick meal, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch  on.

No one  can afford  to be sick anymore.  At  $15.00 a  day in the hospital is too rich for my blood.

If they  think I'll pay 30 cents for a haircut,  forget  it, I am NOT that crazy!

Thinking of my crazy grandfather as our bottom of the news for Friday, May 16, 2014!  ###

April Headline News

Texting Break-Up!

Good morning my fellow Rotarians. Here are some headline news...

YUBA CITY , Calif., April 10 (UPI) -- A California teen was so determined to raise money for a prom dress that she enlisted the help of a minor to help her sell brownies that were laced with pot. Unfortunately the teen got caught and was taken out of River Valley High School in handcuffs. In addition to being sentenced to four years probation for employing a minor to sell marijuana, the Yuba City teenager is now in danger of being deported back to Mexico.

PALM SPRINGS , Fla., April 10 (UPI) -- A special Palm Beach County Fire Rescue team, the "Bariatric Unit,” was called upon on Wednesday to rescue an obese man who had fallen in his home and was unable to move. In order to rescue the man, who was reportedly several hundred pounds overweight, the special unit had to cut a hole in the back wall of his home because he could not fit through any of the doors. "There's no way we could get him out," said friend Don Estess. "And I’m sure he won’t be happy with the big hole in his back wall." The Bariatric Unit is equipped to handle patients that weigh up to 1,000 pounds.

BUFFALO, N.Y., April 10 (UPI) -- A Buffalo judge ruled that a woman who was dumped by her former fiancé via text could kept her $53,000, three-carat engagement ring because her ex’s message implied that it was a gift. “You can keep the ring as a parting gift and use it for a down payment on a house,” said Louis Billittier, Jr. texted after breaking things off with Christa Clark. “You are doing this through a text message????” she texted back, according the Buffalo paper. Their relationship ended after 14 months because Clark wouldn’t sign the 55-year-old restaurant co-owner’s pre-nuptial agreement. State Supreme Court judge said that text message was further proof “the ring was a gift” and once a gift is given, it is irrevocable.”

And there you go, news to snooze by as the bottom of our news on this April 11th, 2014.

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Senior Citizens

A Senior Moment?

Good morning my fellow Rotarians. Today fellow Rotarian, Martin will be talking with us about his services for our seniors. I thought I would share a few senior stories that Martin and his team of volunteer drivers can easily relate to…

"A man in his eighties went to the doctor for his annual health check-up. He told the doctor: 'I'm getting really forgetful. I forget where I live, I forget where I've parked my car, and I go into shops and I can't remember what it is that I want. And when I do get to the checkout, I find I've forgotten my wallet. It's getting pretty bad, doc. What can I do?' The doctor thought for a moment and said: 'Pay me in advance.'"

"Asked by a reporter how he had managed to live to the age of 100, an old man explained: 'Well, son, I got married when I was 21. The wife and I decided that if ever we argued the loser should take a long walk to cool off. So I guess I've benefited from 79 years of fresh air."

"A 61-year-old man told the doctor that he was no longer able to help around the house like he used to. After the doctor had finished examining him, the man said: 'Now, doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.' 'In plain English,' said the doctor, 'you're just lazy.' 'Ok,' said the man, 'now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.'"

Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto and they even have their own vocabulary:

BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered by Medicare
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

In honor of our seniors today, that’s the bottom of our news on this April 4, 2014.
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Over 30

Over 30? Feeling Old?

Good morning my fellow Rotarians. How many 30-somethings in the room this morning?

Any of you get the feeling yet that you are feeling old? For some of us this feeling has been with us for quite a while. No names mentioned of course. For others, it maybe is one of those thoughts that has started to creep into your thinking. So, thought I would share with you a few signs that would give you a heads up…

• You get super excited when you go to a concert and there are SEATS.You start a story with “when I was in college” and realize that was 10 years ago. 
• When you watch teen movies/TV shows, you find yourself siding more with the parents than the kids. 
• You’ve gone to a bar and left because it was too loud. 
• You’d rather pay a little more for a “nice, clean” hotel room than cram into a hostel with 12 of your friends. 
• You start buying shoes based on “comfort” instead of looks. 
• You voluntarily buy the “fiber” cereal. 
• You’re seriously thinking about getting a dog. No, having a baby. No, definitely getting a dog.
• You get carded, and your first instinct is, “AWESOME.” 
• An 11-year-old has to show you how to do something on your smartphone.

There you go, some sure signs that you are over 30 and getting old. That’s the bottom of our news on this March 21, 2014.

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St Pat's Myths

St. Patrick’s Day Myths!

One of the most publicly celebrated holidays is this Monday, but did you know there are a lot of myths surrounding St. Patrick’s Day?  Yes, it is true and today I am going to be your fact checker!

Is St. Patrick the patron saint of the beer industry?  Maybe.  Big Insight Reporting says Americans spend $4.5 billion St. Patrick's Day AND 1% or $45 million spent on beer alone – all on one day, March 17^th.  I would think the beer people most likely think Patrick truly was a saint!

St. Patrick was Irish, right?  No, he was born in southwest Britain and was kidnapped by priests and forced to work in Ireland for several years.

How about that thing about St. Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland?  A metaphor at best.  Ireland is an island and snakes never migrated there.

Of course the festivities came from Ireland because the Irish are party animals, right?  Actually not.  Parties, parades and celebrations first sprang up in the US around the time of the Revolutionary War – by Irish-American immigrants wanting to remember their homeland and to honor their patron saint. 

The tradition of wearing the color green came from Ireland, correct?  No, another American invention.  Some Irish folklore attached unlucky connotations to the color green, and St. Patrick was originally associated with the color blue.

OK, hopefully this one goes without saying: Kissing an Irish person won't bring you good luck?  Regardless of what that guy at the pub told you last year!  Blame the Blarney Stone legend for the line, "Kiss me! I'm Irish."

And finally, what about that irritating pinching tradition?  Well, this one did come from Ireland.  Many Irish people believed that wearing green would make you invisible to leprechauns.  A good thing because leprechauns would pinch you if they got the chance.  So, the bigger question may be, do you believe in leprechauns?

Can you believe it, much of what we believed about the Irish actually was originated in America.  Go figure!  Enjoy the holiday this Monday and that is the bottom of our news for Friday, March 14, 2014!  ###