Bottom of the News… Friday, October 31, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians. With today being Halloween it seems that this entire week is a time when stranger than normal people appear kind of like when a full moon happens. So to honor this bizarre holiday that celebrates the dead I start with a story from …
Corpse on Train
Germany: Where train commuters report finding a dead person on their train ride tow work last week. As it later turned out, the man was not dead, but rather was passed out cold in a drunken sleep, according to police. The man was in costume to be a zombe and fell asleep on his way home from an all night Halloween party.
Bomb Scare
Norway: A Halloween prop sparked panic on a college campus in Bergen, Norway last week. A suspicious package was found on a car parked outside a student dormitory and was immediately reported to police, which resulted in the evacuation of the dormitory and the surrounding area on campus.
According to police the owner of the package “did not intend for it to create a big bomb scare.” Eventually it was discovered that a student had left the ‘prop’ sitting on the trunk of his car when parking to attend a Halloween party. His prop was a fake bomb that looked very real with wires sticking out of it and making a ticking noise. And the student’s costume for the party… he was dressed up as a suicide bomber.
Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating
10. You get winded walking from door to door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and you can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
2. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
1. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
And there you have it, the Hallow’s Eve version of the Bottom of the News for this Friday, October 31st 2008!
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Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, October 24, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians, well today I thought I would share some news about beer and the credit crisis. Our first story comes from…
Rubber Sidewalks
Ames, IA: There are no loading docks for the bars in the Campustown section of Ames so the beer distributors drop off kegs of beer next to the fire station. But there were so many kegs hitting the sidewalk that they would crack and quickly start falling apart. To address the issue, the city has installed a rubber sidewalk. According to the campus newspaper, the other handy benefit of this rubber sidewalk is that is has reduced injuries to the falling-down drunks as well.
The Credit Crunch… Okay, top of Mind Topic!
The Bank returned a check to me yesterday marked "Insufficient Funds". And I had to ask, is it them or me?Overheard in a bar; "This Credit Crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife!"
Q: What's the difference between an Investment Banker and a pigeon? The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a Ferrari.
The Credit Crunch has helped Dick Fuld get back on his feet. His car was repossessed!
Investment Tips
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines stock one year ago, today you would have $49. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG stock one year ago, today you would have $33.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers stock one year ago, today you would have zero dollars!
But, consider this investment… If you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer and then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling today you would have $214. Based on this approach, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News for this Friday, October 24th, 2008! ###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians, well today I thought I would share some news about beer and the credit crisis. Our first story comes from…
Rubber Sidewalks
Ames, IA: There are no loading docks for the bars in the Campustown section of Ames so the beer distributors drop off kegs of beer next to the fire station. But there were so many kegs hitting the sidewalk that they would crack and quickly start falling apart. To address the issue, the city has installed a rubber sidewalk. According to the campus newspaper, the other handy benefit of this rubber sidewalk is that is has reduced injuries to the falling-down drunks as well.
The Credit Crunch… Okay, top of Mind Topic!
The Bank returned a check to me yesterday marked "Insufficient Funds". And I had to ask, is it them or me?Overheard in a bar; "This Credit Crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife!"
Q: What's the difference between an Investment Banker and a pigeon? The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a Ferrari.
The Credit Crunch has helped Dick Fuld get back on his feet. His car was repossessed!
Investment Tips
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines stock one year ago, today you would have $49. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG stock one year ago, today you would have $33.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers stock one year ago, today you would have zero dollars!
But, consider this investment… If you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer and then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling today you would have $214. Based on this approach, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News for this Friday, October 24th, 2008! ###
Friday, October 24, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, October 24, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians, well today I thought I would share some news about BEER and the credit crisis. Our first story comes from…
Rubber Sidewalks
Ames, IA: There are no loading docks for the bars in the Campustown section of Ames so the beer distributors drop off kegs of beer next to the fire station. But there were so many kegs hitting the sidewalk that they would crack and quickly start falling apart. To address the issue, the city has installed a rubber sidewalk. According to the campus newspaper, the other handy benefit of this rubber sidewalk is that is has reduced injuries to the falling-down drunks as well.
The Credit Crunch… Okay, top of Mind Topic!
The Bank returned a check to me yesterday marked "Insufficient Funds". And I had to ask, is it them or me?Overheard in a bar; "This Credit Crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife!"
Q: What's the difference between an Investment Banker and a pigeon? The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a Ferrari.
The Credit Crunch has helped Dick Fuld get back on his feet. His car was repossessed!
Investment Tips
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines stock one year ago, today you would have $49. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG stock one year ago, today you would have $33.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers stock one year ago, today you would have zero dollars!
But, consider this investment… If you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer and then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling today you would have $214. Based on this approach, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News for this Friday, October 24th, 2008! ###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians, well today I thought I would share some news about BEER and the credit crisis. Our first story comes from…
Rubber Sidewalks
Ames, IA: There are no loading docks for the bars in the Campustown section of Ames so the beer distributors drop off kegs of beer next to the fire station. But there were so many kegs hitting the sidewalk that they would crack and quickly start falling apart. To address the issue, the city has installed a rubber sidewalk. According to the campus newspaper, the other handy benefit of this rubber sidewalk is that is has reduced injuries to the falling-down drunks as well.
The Credit Crunch… Okay, top of Mind Topic!
The Bank returned a check to me yesterday marked "Insufficient Funds". And I had to ask, is it them or me?Overheard in a bar; "This Credit Crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife!"
Q: What's the difference between an Investment Banker and a pigeon? The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a Ferrari.
The Credit Crunch has helped Dick Fuld get back on his feet. His car was repossessed!
Investment Tips
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines stock one year ago, today you would have $49. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG stock one year ago, today you would have $33.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers stock one year ago, today you would have zero dollars!
But, consider this investment… If you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer and then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling today you would have $214. Based on this approach, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News for this Friday, October 24th, 2008! ###
Friday, October 10, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, October 10, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarian, well Fall is in the air and it seems there are many interesting characters in our world. Our first story comes from…
This Smells Odd
Seattle, WA – When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very ill man curled up on the ground next to the motor home.
Police quickly determined that while trying to siphon gasoline the man actually plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Spelling Errors and Wrong Notes
San Francisco, CA – A man walked into the downtown Bank of America and on the back of a deposit slip wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, the man began to worry that someone may have seen him write the note andmight call the police before he could reach the teller.
So, the criminal left the Bank of America and walked across to the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting in line for several minutes there, he handed his note to a teller. After reading it, the teller determined that this robber was perhaps a few bricks short of a load.She told him that because his note was written on a Bank of America deposit slip, she could not honor his demand. He would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo withdrawal slip or go back to the Bank of America.
Feeling defeated, the man said he understood and left. The Wells Fargo teller promptly called the police, who arrested the man a few minutes later--still waiting in line at the Bank of America.
A Little Gas
Holland – A Dutch veterinarian was fined 600 guilders (or about $240) for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde, the Netherlands.
The vet had been trying to convince a farmer that his cow was passing flatulent gas. To demonstrate, the vet ignited the gas, but the cow became a "four-legged flame-thrower" and ran wild, setting fire to bales of hay and several buildings.
Damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000. The cow was unharmed.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News for this Friday, October 10, 2008!
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarian, well Fall is in the air and it seems there are many interesting characters in our world. Our first story comes from…
This Smells Odd
Seattle, WA – When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very ill man curled up on the ground next to the motor home.
Police quickly determined that while trying to siphon gasoline the man actually plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Spelling Errors and Wrong Notes
San Francisco, CA – A man walked into the downtown Bank of America and on the back of a deposit slip wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, the man began to worry that someone may have seen him write the note andmight call the police before he could reach the teller.
So, the criminal left the Bank of America and walked across to the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting in line for several minutes there, he handed his note to a teller. After reading it, the teller determined that this robber was perhaps a few bricks short of a load.She told him that because his note was written on a Bank of America deposit slip, she could not honor his demand. He would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo withdrawal slip or go back to the Bank of America.
Feeling defeated, the man said he understood and left. The Wells Fargo teller promptly called the police, who arrested the man a few minutes later--still waiting in line at the Bank of America.
A Little Gas
Holland – A Dutch veterinarian was fined 600 guilders (or about $240) for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde, the Netherlands.
The vet had been trying to convince a farmer that his cow was passing flatulent gas. To demonstrate, the vet ignited the gas, but the cow became a "four-legged flame-thrower" and ran wild, setting fire to bales of hay and several buildings.
Damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000. The cow was unharmed.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News for this Friday, October 10, 2008!
###
Friday, August 01, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, August 1, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Happy August 1st! As we head into the heat of summer, strange things continue to make our world go round. Our first story is from…
The Lemonade Thief
TERRE HAUTE, Ind. - A young girl, Dominique Morefield, had her lemonade stand robbed of $17.50 this past week. The girl chased the suspect into a nearby home and then called police who then spent nearly an hour trying to coax the man into surrendering.
“The guy came up and was, like, ‘Give me your money,’” said Dominique, the 12-year old lemonade stand owner. “I was shocked, but I my immediate reaction to chase after him.”
When police finally arrested the man, he was charged with a preliminary felony charge of robbery.
“I didn't think anyone would steal from a bunch of kids,” said another12-year-old, “That’s just down right stupid!” Dominique’s parents agreed they would only let her continue her lemonade sales with adult supervision.
Buy a Sick Note in Australia
CANBERRA, Australia - Australian medical authorities are warning employees against using an online company that sells fake doctors' sick notes that allows people to take more time off.
The notes, available from www.doctorsnotestore.com, cost about $38 each and exploit the Australians' fondness for taking days off while supposedly ill. Most companies require workers to provide a medical certificate when they call in sick.
The idea came from Britain, where the same company has been extremely successful in also providing notes to help Europeans cancel their health club contracts due to illness or pregnancy.
While the notes look "extremely authentic," the company said the notes are only meant to be a novelty item and not for illegal purposes. The company of course claims no responsibility for misuse of their products.
Sick day fraud costs the Australia's economy an estimated $10 billion a year in lost productivity, with workers averaging 10 sick days a year. Australia has one of the worst employee sick day records of all western countries.
Sleeping on the Job!
NASA is conducting studies where they have participants spend three consecutive months in bed. That’s right, NASA says the participants in its bed-rest study are providing valuable information for our space program.
NASA's Flight Analog Research Unit is looking for ways to minimize the debilitating impact of zero gravity in space, which can cause reduction in muscle mass and bone density.
One way to recreate those conditions on the ground is for test participants to lie down with head slightly tilted back for 90 days. "It's very relaxing at times.” Said participant Heather Archuletta. “This is probably the most I've sat still in 10 years!”
Hey, if you like to sleep while on the job, then you should apply. The pay is $10 per hour, or about $17,000 over the course of the study, which is carried out at the University of Texas. They are an equal opportunity employer and they provide health and educational benefits as well!
And there you have it, the Bottom of the News for the Friday, the 1st day of August, 2008!
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Happy August 1st! As we head into the heat of summer, strange things continue to make our world go round. Our first story is from…
The Lemonade Thief
TERRE HAUTE, Ind. - A young girl, Dominique Morefield, had her lemonade stand robbed of $17.50 this past week. The girl chased the suspect into a nearby home and then called police who then spent nearly an hour trying to coax the man into surrendering.
“The guy came up and was, like, ‘Give me your money,’” said Dominique, the 12-year old lemonade stand owner. “I was shocked, but I my immediate reaction to chase after him.”
When police finally arrested the man, he was charged with a preliminary felony charge of robbery.
“I didn't think anyone would steal from a bunch of kids,” said another12-year-old, “That’s just down right stupid!” Dominique’s parents agreed they would only let her continue her lemonade sales with adult supervision.
Buy a Sick Note in Australia
CANBERRA, Australia - Australian medical authorities are warning employees against using an online company that sells fake doctors' sick notes that allows people to take more time off.
The notes, available from www.doctorsnotestore.com, cost about $38 each and exploit the Australians' fondness for taking days off while supposedly ill. Most companies require workers to provide a medical certificate when they call in sick.
The idea came from Britain, where the same company has been extremely successful in also providing notes to help Europeans cancel their health club contracts due to illness or pregnancy.
While the notes look "extremely authentic," the company said the notes are only meant to be a novelty item and not for illegal purposes. The company of course claims no responsibility for misuse of their products.
Sick day fraud costs the Australia's economy an estimated $10 billion a year in lost productivity, with workers averaging 10 sick days a year. Australia has one of the worst employee sick day records of all western countries.
Sleeping on the Job!
NASA is conducting studies where they have participants spend three consecutive months in bed. That’s right, NASA says the participants in its bed-rest study are providing valuable information for our space program.
NASA's Flight Analog Research Unit is looking for ways to minimize the debilitating impact of zero gravity in space, which can cause reduction in muscle mass and bone density.
One way to recreate those conditions on the ground is for test participants to lie down with head slightly tilted back for 90 days. "It's very relaxing at times.” Said participant Heather Archuletta. “This is probably the most I've sat still in 10 years!”
Hey, if you like to sleep while on the job, then you should apply. The pay is $10 per hour, or about $17,000 over the course of the study, which is carried out at the University of Texas. They are an equal opportunity employer and they provide health and educational benefits as well!
And there you have it, the Bottom of the News for the Friday, the 1st day of August, 2008!
###
Friday, July 25, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, July 25, 2008
Honoring Red Skelton
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Last week, July 18th, was the birthday of “Red” Skelton, the all-American comedian from radio, TV and film for nearly 40 years. He died 11 years ago at the age of 84. He could make people laugh with by twisting his words and with his many facial expressions.
Quite often he made fun of his wife Edna, and yet as his chief writer, she wrote many of the bits where he picked on her. One of his most famous monologues I want to share with you today entitled… Red Skelton’s Recipe for a Perfect Marriage:
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere... but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. One morning she ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"
11. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
And that from the funny man Red Skelton. And one final famous quote he used to close his show each week… "Good night and may God bless."
So for our news today we honor a great American comedian on this Friday, July 25, 2008!
###
Honoring Red Skelton
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Last week, July 18th, was the birthday of “Red” Skelton, the all-American comedian from radio, TV and film for nearly 40 years. He died 11 years ago at the age of 84. He could make people laugh with by twisting his words and with his many facial expressions.
Quite often he made fun of his wife Edna, and yet as his chief writer, she wrote many of the bits where he picked on her. One of his most famous monologues I want to share with you today entitled… Red Skelton’s Recipe for a Perfect Marriage:
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere... but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. One morning she ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"
11. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
And that from the funny man Red Skelton. And one final famous quote he used to close his show each week… "Good night and may God bless."
So for our news today we honor a great American comedian on this Friday, July 25, 2008!
###
Friday, July 18, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, July 18, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… I thought it would be most appropriate to take this morning to highlight a top of the news item that has gotten a lot of attention for Iowa around the country these past few weeks. No, I’m not talking about the flooding, but rather HOW Iowans have reacted to what is shaping up to be one of the top 10 disasters in US history. I wanted to share a few excerpts from some newspaper editorials.
It Started with the Wall Street Journal
Their editorial talked about “what we don’t see in Iowa” and they talked about the lack of street violence and looking at people sitting on their rooftops and many other examples. And within days newspapers around the country picked up on the observation of how people of Iowa were reacting to our catastrophe. Towns were overwhelmed, businesses destroyed, and crops were being washed away. Fox News called it "Iowa's Katrina."
The St. Paul Pioneer Press
As events unfolded, people stepped up in the Iowa “stubborn” way. We know that all too well, being Minnesotians! There were many man-on-the-street interviews, and nobody was complaining. They all seemed to be working to solve their problems, which is not surprising because Iowans do not complain about tragedy. They complain about hot weather and dry weather, and winter cold (that comes down from Minnesota with lots of snow!), but they do not complain about tragedy.
The Detroit News
Katrina has become a metaphor for many things beyond natural disaster, including governmental and individual incompetence (depending on your point of view). In Iowa there was a greater than 500 year flood, but the people were not paralyzed, whining, or looting. When the people in Iowa were asked to evacuate from certain significantly flooded areas they did so without question. They evacuated. I am sure if you poked around enough in Iowa you could find a few disgruntled souls.
The Boston Globe
There has been no large-scale blame cast elsewhere, to Washington, federal officials, or FEMA. So far, we haven't heard anybody say the high water is the president’s fault. Nobody in Iowa is complaining or blaming. Nobody has abandoned their jobs. Nobody is crying foul. Nobody is looting. None of their senators and governor have been crying on TV. In fact, a “large congratulations” might be sent to Iowa, or Iowans, who seem to be dealing with their floods the only way possible, by dealing with them.
And unfortunately, there will be no massive relief effort from around the world with telethons and lots of celebrity support. Most of those who will step up to help with be other Iowans.
The difference is not in the severity of the flood, but in the people who confront the flood. Good for Iowa.
And I am proud to give this Top of the News report for Friday, July 18, 2008.
So today, I am fortunate to be hosting a special event to help our business community. The Iowa Business Recovery Summit will start within the hour at Mount Mercy. The chamber and a dozen companies have teamed up with 15 coaches and advisors who have stepped up to join our effort.
And we have a special guest from New Orleans who will be a featured presenter over lunch talking about “Lessons from Katrina.” Brian Baudean, a fellow Rotarian, is with us today and I wanted you all to meet him.
Also, if you would still like to attend the summit either this morning, or for lunch, talk to me and we can get you signed up. We have around 100 people coming and it is FREE at Donnelly Hall at Mount Mercy, registration starts at 8 am, lunch is at Noon. Thanks for your support!
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… I thought it would be most appropriate to take this morning to highlight a top of the news item that has gotten a lot of attention for Iowa around the country these past few weeks. No, I’m not talking about the flooding, but rather HOW Iowans have reacted to what is shaping up to be one of the top 10 disasters in US history. I wanted to share a few excerpts from some newspaper editorials.
It Started with the Wall Street Journal
Their editorial talked about “what we don’t see in Iowa” and they talked about the lack of street violence and looking at people sitting on their rooftops and many other examples. And within days newspapers around the country picked up on the observation of how people of Iowa were reacting to our catastrophe. Towns were overwhelmed, businesses destroyed, and crops were being washed away. Fox News called it "Iowa's Katrina."
The St. Paul Pioneer Press
As events unfolded, people stepped up in the Iowa “stubborn” way. We know that all too well, being Minnesotians! There were many man-on-the-street interviews, and nobody was complaining. They all seemed to be working to solve their problems, which is not surprising because Iowans do not complain about tragedy. They complain about hot weather and dry weather, and winter cold (that comes down from Minnesota with lots of snow!), but they do not complain about tragedy.
The Detroit News
Katrina has become a metaphor for many things beyond natural disaster, including governmental and individual incompetence (depending on your point of view). In Iowa there was a greater than 500 year flood, but the people were not paralyzed, whining, or looting. When the people in Iowa were asked to evacuate from certain significantly flooded areas they did so without question. They evacuated. I am sure if you poked around enough in Iowa you could find a few disgruntled souls.
The Boston Globe
There has been no large-scale blame cast elsewhere, to Washington, federal officials, or FEMA. So far, we haven't heard anybody say the high water is the president’s fault. Nobody in Iowa is complaining or blaming. Nobody has abandoned their jobs. Nobody is crying foul. Nobody is looting. None of their senators and governor have been crying on TV. In fact, a “large congratulations” might be sent to Iowa, or Iowans, who seem to be dealing with their floods the only way possible, by dealing with them.
And unfortunately, there will be no massive relief effort from around the world with telethons and lots of celebrity support. Most of those who will step up to help with be other Iowans.
The difference is not in the severity of the flood, but in the people who confront the flood. Good for Iowa.
And I am proud to give this Top of the News report for Friday, July 18, 2008.
So today, I am fortunate to be hosting a special event to help our business community. The Iowa Business Recovery Summit will start within the hour at Mount Mercy. The chamber and a dozen companies have teamed up with 15 coaches and advisors who have stepped up to join our effort.
And we have a special guest from New Orleans who will be a featured presenter over lunch talking about “Lessons from Katrina.” Brian Baudean, a fellow Rotarian, is with us today and I wanted you all to meet him.
Also, if you would still like to attend the summit either this morning, or for lunch, talk to me and we can get you signed up. We have around 100 people coming and it is FREE at Donnelly Hall at Mount Mercy, registration starts at 8 am, lunch is at Noon. Thanks for your support!
###
Friday, July 11, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, July 11, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… I thought it might be interesting to go back into the archives for Iowa based bottom of the news events over the years and our crack research team came up with these stories…
Parking Tickets
In April of 1994 in Cedar Rapids Erin Prendergast, 20, pleaded guilty to 174 more parking violations, with total fines reaching nearly $5,000. Earlier in the year, in January, she had pleaded guilty to 248 parking tickets totaling more than $7,000. Officials said still more violations against her were awaiting processing. When the judge asked how she could accumulate so many violations, Prendergast, who was described as very cooperative by a Gazette reporter, said, "I really don't know your honor."
Lottery Tickets
In June of 2002, a woman described only as in her 40s, spent five hours off and on shopping at a Des Moines convenience store buying scratch-off lottery tickets, stopping only when her paycheck of $60 had been exhausted with just one winning ticket. A few minutes later, she returned to the store and robbed it.
Fish Story
Ronald Clark, age 30 in 1991, was charged with assault in Cedar Rapids in February for reportedly hitting Thomas Jones in the face with a frozen fish, A broken nose and cut up face sent Jones to the hospital. Clark was confronted in his home by Jones in an argument over a woman.
The Streaker
In 1998, John Thomas was arrested in Council Bluffs in May after he was found running naked over a bridge on Interstate 480. He told police that bolts of lightning in a recent storm had instructed him to undress and run about town.
Road Kills & Hiway Spills
The year 1996 was a record for highway truck spills in Iowa…
o A semi load of frozen French fries spilled on I-80 in eastern Iowa,
o A pickup truck full of ricotta cheese spilled in central Iowa,
o 21 tons of large plates of glass shattered on a downtown street in Davenport.
o 12,000 roofing nails, that punctured tires of about 50 cars, spilled on I-35 in southern Iowa,
o 30,000 cans of Milwaukee's Best beer exploded on the highway near Dubuque,
o And finally, 103,000 eggs fell off a truck and covered a major section of Highway 92 near Winterset. The locals use this event to claim the Guinness Book record for having the world’s largest batch of “scrambled eggs!”
Only in Iowa! And as an FYI, you can check out our Bottom of the News blog at http://daybreakrotary.blogspot.com. And there you have it, weird news in Iowa history as our Bottom of the News for Friday, July 11, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… I thought it might be interesting to go back into the archives for Iowa based bottom of the news events over the years and our crack research team came up with these stories…
Parking Tickets
In April of 1994 in Cedar Rapids Erin Prendergast, 20, pleaded guilty to 174 more parking violations, with total fines reaching nearly $5,000. Earlier in the year, in January, she had pleaded guilty to 248 parking tickets totaling more than $7,000. Officials said still more violations against her were awaiting processing. When the judge asked how she could accumulate so many violations, Prendergast, who was described as very cooperative by a Gazette reporter, said, "I really don't know your honor."
Lottery Tickets
In June of 2002, a woman described only as in her 40s, spent five hours off and on shopping at a Des Moines convenience store buying scratch-off lottery tickets, stopping only when her paycheck of $60 had been exhausted with just one winning ticket. A few minutes later, she returned to the store and robbed it.
Fish Story
Ronald Clark, age 30 in 1991, was charged with assault in Cedar Rapids in February for reportedly hitting Thomas Jones in the face with a frozen fish, A broken nose and cut up face sent Jones to the hospital. Clark was confronted in his home by Jones in an argument over a woman.
The Streaker
In 1998, John Thomas was arrested in Council Bluffs in May after he was found running naked over a bridge on Interstate 480. He told police that bolts of lightning in a recent storm had instructed him to undress and run about town.
Road Kills & Hiway Spills
The year 1996 was a record for highway truck spills in Iowa…
o A semi load of frozen French fries spilled on I-80 in eastern Iowa,
o A pickup truck full of ricotta cheese spilled in central Iowa,
o 21 tons of large plates of glass shattered on a downtown street in Davenport.
o 12,000 roofing nails, that punctured tires of about 50 cars, spilled on I-35 in southern Iowa,
o 30,000 cans of Milwaukee's Best beer exploded on the highway near Dubuque,
o And finally, 103,000 eggs fell off a truck and covered a major section of Highway 92 near Winterset. The locals use this event to claim the Guinness Book record for having the world’s largest batch of “scrambled eggs!”
Only in Iowa! And as an FYI, you can check out our Bottom of the News blog at http://daybreakrotary.blogspot.com. And there you have it, weird news in Iowa history as our Bottom of the News for Friday, July 11, 2008.
###
Friday, June 27, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, June 27, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it's that time again... The annual Darwin Awards were recently announced. These awards recognize people who kill themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid ways. Yes, they have awards for this and please know that each of these are true!
To begin, here are a few of the semifinalists...
Snake Catcher
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.
Bungee Jumper
A 22-year-old Reston, VA , man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said the man taped the straps around one foot and anchored the other end to the railroad trestle. Citing the apparent cause of death as “major trauma”, investigators noted that the length of the cord was longer than the distance between the trestle and the ground.
Cigarette Lighter
Warehouse employees in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas and sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. Upon evacuation, two technicians from the gas company entered the building, but found difficulty navigating in the dark without lights.
After a massive explosion, investigators surmised that one of the technicians must have used a cigarette lighter for light. The explosion was massive, sending objects up to three miles away and nothing was found of the technician’s bodies. The lighter however was found and was virtually untouched by the explosion.
Rocket Scientist
Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded, as always, posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol found a smoldering pile of metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery.
A rocket scientist from Arizona had somehow obtained a Jet Assisted Take Off unit (or JATO), which is a solid fuel rocket that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields.
The scientist took his Chevy Impala to a long stretch of road in the desert, attached the JATO unit to his car and after getting up some speed fired off the rocket.
It appears that the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. The JATO would have caused the Chevy to hit 350 mph running at that speed for 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces comparable to what F-14 pilots experience under full afterburners and he most likely passed out before the crash.
Marks on the highway show the car became airborne for his last 1.4 miles. He hit the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.
And these are the 2007 Darwin award winners, or subtitled… “Stupid ways to kill yourself!” There you have it, the Bottom of the News for this Friday, June 27, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it's that time again... The annual Darwin Awards were recently announced. These awards recognize people who kill themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid ways. Yes, they have awards for this and please know that each of these are true!
To begin, here are a few of the semifinalists...
Snake Catcher
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.
Bungee Jumper
A 22-year-old Reston, VA , man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said the man taped the straps around one foot and anchored the other end to the railroad trestle. Citing the apparent cause of death as “major trauma”, investigators noted that the length of the cord was longer than the distance between the trestle and the ground.
Cigarette Lighter
Warehouse employees in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas and sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. Upon evacuation, two technicians from the gas company entered the building, but found difficulty navigating in the dark without lights.
After a massive explosion, investigators surmised that one of the technicians must have used a cigarette lighter for light. The explosion was massive, sending objects up to three miles away and nothing was found of the technician’s bodies. The lighter however was found and was virtually untouched by the explosion.
Rocket Scientist
Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded, as always, posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol found a smoldering pile of metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery.
A rocket scientist from Arizona had somehow obtained a Jet Assisted Take Off unit (or JATO), which is a solid fuel rocket that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields.
The scientist took his Chevy Impala to a long stretch of road in the desert, attached the JATO unit to his car and after getting up some speed fired off the rocket.
It appears that the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. The JATO would have caused the Chevy to hit 350 mph running at that speed for 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces comparable to what F-14 pilots experience under full afterburners and he most likely passed out before the crash.
Marks on the highway show the car became airborne for his last 1.4 miles. He hit the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.
And these are the 2007 Darwin award winners, or subtitled… “Stupid ways to kill yourself!” There you have it, the Bottom of the News for this Friday, June 27, 2008.
###
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, June 6, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it seems that there is no shortage of people in this world who do dumb things, so let’s give a listen to a few off the wall news stories from this past week.
Man Injures Buttocks after Mooning Restaurant
Netherlands (CNN) -- Dutch police say a college student who pushed his exposed buttocks against a restaurant window as a joke was injured when the glass broke and lacerated his behind.
Authorities say a man, 21, and two others had run down a street Sunday morning with their pants pulled down. The student pushed his behind against the window of a restaurant with the intention of “mooning” the customers when the window broke and cut him.
According to the police, the student suffered "deep wounds to his derriere." The man was treated for his injuries at a nearby hospital. The cafe owner decided not to press charges after the students agreed to apologize to café employees and to pay for the broken window.
Store Qwner ordered to stop taking shoplifters' shoes
DURANGO, Colorado (AP) — Police are telling a liquor store owner to give shoplifters back their shoes.
Tired of losing a $1,000 a month in merchandise to thefts, Gabe Fidaque started telling shoplifters he caught that they had two choices: Give him a shoe or he would call the police.
Many shoplifters would give up a shoe. But Durango police told Fidaque this past week to stop the practice or risk facing charges of felony robbery. Shoplifting, in contrast, is a misdemeanor.
"I would suggest that he find a different option that doesn't involve giving up property," said police Capt. Micki Browning. "What's the difference between him saying, 'Give me $20 and I won't call the police' or 'Give me your shoe?"'
Fidaque was ordered to return the shoes to their owners — if he can find them. He reluctantly agreed. But he stands by his method because whenever he reported people to the police they would return hours after being arrested to steal again.
"The whole point,” Fidaque said, “is that people are too humiliated to come back and ask for their shoe, which means they won’t s steal from my store again."
Not Fool or Theft Proof!
In Berlin, Germany, police were testing a "theft-proof" patrol car. The special BMW was equipped with surveillance equipment, electronic locks, and several other systems to ensure that this car could not be stolen.
Well, guess what… you got it, the car was stolen. But how? Well, the two officers assigned to the test vehicle both jumped out of the car to chase a car thief on foot and eventually they finally admitted that they left the doors unlocked and the keys in the ignition.
Eventually they got the car back and now the department is looking for local citizens to test the effectiveness of this new fool and theft proof BMW. I figured we could just volunteer Bart for the job, he seems to have a knack for keeping track of BMW’s!
And that is the Bottom of the News for Friday, June 6, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it seems that there is no shortage of people in this world who do dumb things, so let’s give a listen to a few off the wall news stories from this past week.
Man Injures Buttocks after Mooning Restaurant
Netherlands (CNN) -- Dutch police say a college student who pushed his exposed buttocks against a restaurant window as a joke was injured when the glass broke and lacerated his behind.
Authorities say a man, 21, and two others had run down a street Sunday morning with their pants pulled down. The student pushed his behind against the window of a restaurant with the intention of “mooning” the customers when the window broke and cut him.
According to the police, the student suffered "deep wounds to his derriere." The man was treated for his injuries at a nearby hospital. The cafe owner decided not to press charges after the students agreed to apologize to café employees and to pay for the broken window.
Store Qwner ordered to stop taking shoplifters' shoes
DURANGO, Colorado (AP) — Police are telling a liquor store owner to give shoplifters back their shoes.
Tired of losing a $1,000 a month in merchandise to thefts, Gabe Fidaque started telling shoplifters he caught that they had two choices: Give him a shoe or he would call the police.
Many shoplifters would give up a shoe. But Durango police told Fidaque this past week to stop the practice or risk facing charges of felony robbery. Shoplifting, in contrast, is a misdemeanor.
"I would suggest that he find a different option that doesn't involve giving up property," said police Capt. Micki Browning. "What's the difference between him saying, 'Give me $20 and I won't call the police' or 'Give me your shoe?"'
Fidaque was ordered to return the shoes to their owners — if he can find them. He reluctantly agreed. But he stands by his method because whenever he reported people to the police they would return hours after being arrested to steal again.
"The whole point,” Fidaque said, “is that people are too humiliated to come back and ask for their shoe, which means they won’t s steal from my store again."
Not Fool or Theft Proof!
In Berlin, Germany, police were testing a "theft-proof" patrol car. The special BMW was equipped with surveillance equipment, electronic locks, and several other systems to ensure that this car could not be stolen.
Well, guess what… you got it, the car was stolen. But how? Well, the two officers assigned to the test vehicle both jumped out of the car to chase a car thief on foot and eventually they finally admitted that they left the doors unlocked and the keys in the ignition.
Eventually they got the car back and now the department is looking for local citizens to test the effectiveness of this new fool and theft proof BMW. I figured we could just volunteer Bart for the job, he seems to have a knack for keeping track of BMW’s!
And that is the Bottom of the News for Friday, June 6, 2008.
###
Friday, May 30, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, May 30, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… This week I thought you'd enjoy some church bulletin announcements, but they have a few typos and mistakes in them. Okay, so let’s give a listen to church bulletin bloopers from across America…
“Ladies, remember our rummage sale this Saturday; it's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.”
“Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.”
“At tonight’s evening service the sermon is entitled "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.”
“Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.”
“Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.”
“Remember to pray for the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love and say "hell" to someone who doesn't like you.
“The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.”
“The ‘Low Self Esteem Support Group’ will meet this Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.”
“Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.”
“Our Associate Minister unveiled the church's new fundraising campaign slogan last Sunday entitled… ‘I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours’."
And there you have them, real church bloopers and that is the Bottom of the News for Friday, May 30th, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… This week I thought you'd enjoy some church bulletin announcements, but they have a few typos and mistakes in them. Okay, so let’s give a listen to church bulletin bloopers from across America…
“Ladies, remember our rummage sale this Saturday; it's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.”
“Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.”
“At tonight’s evening service the sermon is entitled "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.”
“Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.”
“Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.”
“Remember to pray for the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love and say "hell" to someone who doesn't like you.
“The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.”
“The ‘Low Self Esteem Support Group’ will meet this Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.”
“Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.”
“Our Associate Minister unveiled the church's new fundraising campaign slogan last Sunday entitled… ‘I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours’."
And there you have them, real church bloopers and that is the Bottom of the News for Friday, May 30th, 2008.
###
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, May 16, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… This past Sunday was one of all time favorite special Sundays as Mother’s Day. Better late than never to still go ahead and honor our mom’s with some LESSONS TAUGHT BY MOM…
My mother taught me about being a contortionist… "Look at the back of your neck. It's filthy."
My mother taught me about stamina… "You will sit there until all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about weather… "Your room looks like it was hit by a tornado."
My mother taught me about straight talk… "If I told you once, I told you a million times, don't exaggerate."
My mother taught me religion… "You had better pray that the stuff you spilled will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me foresight… "Make sure you wear clean underwear. You never know when you might be in an accident and be taken to the hospital."
My mother taught me control… "Keep laughing and I will give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of osmosis… "Shut your mouth, and eat your supper."
My mother taught me logic… "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me there's a time and place for everything… "If you are going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning the house."
My mother taught me patience and fear... "Wait til you father gets home!"
My mother taught me the quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
My mother taught me a closed mouth gathers no foot.
My mother taught me that some days you are the bug and other days you are the windshield.
My mother taught me never to test the depth of the water with both feet.
My mother taught me if you always tell the truth, you won't have to remember what you said and to whom.
So, to all moms, even though a few days late… we love you and thank you for your pearls of wisdom… Happy (belated) Mother’s Day!
And that is the Bottom of the News for Friday, May 16, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… This past Sunday was one of all time favorite special Sundays as Mother’s Day. Better late than never to still go ahead and honor our mom’s with some LESSONS TAUGHT BY MOM…
My mother taught me about being a contortionist… "Look at the back of your neck. It's filthy."
My mother taught me about stamina… "You will sit there until all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about weather… "Your room looks like it was hit by a tornado."
My mother taught me about straight talk… "If I told you once, I told you a million times, don't exaggerate."
My mother taught me religion… "You had better pray that the stuff you spilled will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me foresight… "Make sure you wear clean underwear. You never know when you might be in an accident and be taken to the hospital."
My mother taught me control… "Keep laughing and I will give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of osmosis… "Shut your mouth, and eat your supper."
My mother taught me logic… "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me there's a time and place for everything… "If you are going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning the house."
My mother taught me patience and fear... "Wait til you father gets home!"
My mother taught me the quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
My mother taught me a closed mouth gathers no foot.
My mother taught me that some days you are the bug and other days you are the windshield.
My mother taught me never to test the depth of the water with both feet.
My mother taught me if you always tell the truth, you won't have to remember what you said and to whom.
So, to all moms, even though a few days late… we love you and thank you for your pearls of wisdom… Happy (belated) Mother’s Day!
And that is the Bottom of the News for Friday, May 16, 2008.
###
Friday, May 02, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, May 2, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it was kind of a slow bottom of the news week and it’s been awhile since we have given a listen to some of the darndest things said by kids… So, here you have it, young wisdom out of the mouths of babes!
A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they are MY feet."
On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
My 10-year old says that people can predict the future with cards. Or at least his mother can. Really? "Yes," he says "she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "Dad, what happened to the flea?"
A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother and she finished up by saying… "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail. AMEN!"
Yes, it is true most of the time, kids say the darndest things! And this is the Bottom of the News for Friday, May 2, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it was kind of a slow bottom of the news week and it’s been awhile since we have given a listen to some of the darndest things said by kids… So, here you have it, young wisdom out of the mouths of babes!
A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they are MY feet."
On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
My 10-year old says that people can predict the future with cards. Or at least his mother can. Really? "Yes," he says "she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "Dad, what happened to the flea?"
A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother and she finished up by saying… "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail. AMEN!"
Yes, it is true most of the time, kids say the darndest things! And this is the Bottom of the News for Friday, May 2, 2008.
###
Friday, April 25, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, April 25, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… I thought it might be interesting to check the archives for bottom of the news events all based in Iowa over the years and our crack research team came up with these stories…
Parking Tickets
In April of 1994 in Cedar Rapids Erin Prendergast, 20, pleaded guilty to 174 more parking violations, with total fines reaching nearly $5,000. Earlier in the year, in January, she had pleaded guilty to 248 parking tickets totaling more than $7,000. Officials said still more violations against her were awaiting processing. When the judge asked how she could accumulate so many violations, Prendergast, who was described as very cooperative by a Gazette reporter, said, "I really don't know your honor."
Lottery Tickets
In June of 2002, a woman described only as in her 40s, spent five hours off and on shopping at a Des Moines convenience store buying scratch-off lottery tickets, stopping only when her paycheck of $60 had been exhausted with just one winning ticket. A few minutes later, she returned to the store and robbed it.
Fish Story
Ronald Clark, age 30 in 1991, was charged with assault in Cedar Rapids in February for reportedly hitting Thomas Jones in the face with a frozen fish, breaking Jones' nose, cutting his face and sending him to the hospital. Clark was confronted in his home by Jones in an argument over a woman.
The Streaker
In 1998, John Thomas was arrested in Council Bluffs in May after he was found running naked over a bridge on Interstate 480. He told police that bolts of lightning in a recent storm had instructed him to undress and run about town.
Hiway Spills
The year 1996 was a record for highway truck spills in Iowa…
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… I thought it might be interesting to check the archives for bottom of the news events all based in Iowa over the years and our crack research team came up with these stories…
Parking Tickets
In April of 1994 in Cedar Rapids Erin Prendergast, 20, pleaded guilty to 174 more parking violations, with total fines reaching nearly $5,000. Earlier in the year, in January, she had pleaded guilty to 248 parking tickets totaling more than $7,000. Officials said still more violations against her were awaiting processing. When the judge asked how she could accumulate so many violations, Prendergast, who was described as very cooperative by a Gazette reporter, said, "I really don't know your honor."
Lottery Tickets
In June of 2002, a woman described only as in her 40s, spent five hours off and on shopping at a Des Moines convenience store buying scratch-off lottery tickets, stopping only when her paycheck of $60 had been exhausted with just one winning ticket. A few minutes later, she returned to the store and robbed it.
Fish Story
Ronald Clark, age 30 in 1991, was charged with assault in Cedar Rapids in February for reportedly hitting Thomas Jones in the face with a frozen fish, breaking Jones' nose, cutting his face and sending him to the hospital. Clark was confronted in his home by Jones in an argument over a woman.
The Streaker
In 1998, John Thomas was arrested in Council Bluffs in May after he was found running naked over a bridge on Interstate 480. He told police that bolts of lightning in a recent storm had instructed him to undress and run about town.
Hiway Spills
The year 1996 was a record for highway truck spills in Iowa…
- A semi load of frozen French fries spilled on I-80,
- A pickup truck full of ricotta cheese spilled in central Iowa,
- 21 tons of large plates of glass shattered on a downtown street in Davenport.
- 12,000 roofing nails, that punctured tires of about 50 cars, spilled on I-35 in southern Iowa,
- 30,000 cans of Milwaukee's Best beer exploded on the highway near Dubuque,
- And finally, 103,000 eggs fell off a truck and covered a major section of Highway 92 near Winterset. The locals use this event to claim the Guinness Book record for having the world’s largest batch of “scrambled eggs!”
Only in Iowa! And there you have it, weird news in Iowa history as our Bottom of the News for this Friday, April 25, 2008.
###
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, April 18, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, this third week in April is a very famous week so let’s start with a few notable events…
During this week in history…
Paul Revere completed his famous midnight ride in 1775 and the following day the shot hear around the world signaled the beginning of the Revolutionary War.
In 1906 the famous San Francisco earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale destroyed entire city blocks and caused massive fires with over 3,000 deaths just in the first week.
This week in 1897 the first Boston Marathon was held with only a few hundred runners; today over 20,000.
This week in 1923, the words “Play Ball!” were heard for the first time in Yankee stadium prior to their game against the Boston Red Sox, the Yankees won and thus the beginning of their long standing rivalry.
During the week in 1977 Apollo 13 returned safely to earth after a near disaster in space.
In 1995 the Oklahoma City bombing happened this week where 168 were killed and over 800 were injured.
And in 1999 this week at Columbine High School near Denver will never be forgotten with 12 students and a teacher killed and 23 others wounded.
And on the news front… Phony Employee!
Hey, did you hear about the guy in Palatine, IL who accepted a job at a telecommunications firm, but then decided he didn't want the job after all and never reported for work? Well, the company accidentally put him on its payroll anyway, and he allegedly collected more than $469,000 in salary over five years.
The accident was finally discovered when the guy tried to cash out his company retirement plan. An HR guy noticed and they guy was arrested on a theft by deception charge. What a phony employee!
Cause for Suspicion – Drunk and Drunker
Patricia Dykstra, 51, called police to report a drunk driver. She gave the car's description, location, and finally her name and then she said she had to hang up because… "I don't like being on the phone while driving."
The Dodge County, WI sheriff's deputies eventually found her and cited her for drunk driving. When asked why she made the call she said her boyfriend told her to because he was also riding in the car and too drunk to make the call himself. Okay, this sounds like a movie called Drunk and Drunker!
All Aboard! – The Tale of Two Conductors
A conductor on a commuter train in New York stopped the train last week and went on top of one of the cars after he noticed a power glitch when the train switched from track power to overhead power lines.
The conductor found a 36-year old man who had burst into flames from the 14,000 volts that surged through his body after the switch-over and fortunately the conductor had a fire extinguisher with him. Because of the conductor’s quick reaction the 36 old was hospitalized in fair condition.
The train conductor was recognized for his quick thinking and received “top conductor” honors. It was unclear why the 36-year old was on top of the train and how he survived the 14,000 volts, but without a doubt he certainly he was an excellent conductor as well!
It is another fine week in the neighborhood my friends and this is the Bottom of the News for Friday, April 18, 2008. ###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, this third week in April is a very famous week so let’s start with a few notable events…
During this week in history…
Paul Revere completed his famous midnight ride in 1775 and the following day the shot hear around the world signaled the beginning of the Revolutionary War.
In 1906 the famous San Francisco earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale destroyed entire city blocks and caused massive fires with over 3,000 deaths just in the first week.
This week in 1897 the first Boston Marathon was held with only a few hundred runners; today over 20,000.
This week in 1923, the words “Play Ball!” were heard for the first time in Yankee stadium prior to their game against the Boston Red Sox, the Yankees won and thus the beginning of their long standing rivalry.
During the week in 1977 Apollo 13 returned safely to earth after a near disaster in space.
In 1995 the Oklahoma City bombing happened this week where 168 were killed and over 800 were injured.
And in 1999 this week at Columbine High School near Denver will never be forgotten with 12 students and a teacher killed and 23 others wounded.
And on the news front… Phony Employee!
Hey, did you hear about the guy in Palatine, IL who accepted a job at a telecommunications firm, but then decided he didn't want the job after all and never reported for work? Well, the company accidentally put him on its payroll anyway, and he allegedly collected more than $469,000 in salary over five years.
The accident was finally discovered when the guy tried to cash out his company retirement plan. An HR guy noticed and they guy was arrested on a theft by deception charge. What a phony employee!
Cause for Suspicion – Drunk and Drunker
Patricia Dykstra, 51, called police to report a drunk driver. She gave the car's description, location, and finally her name and then she said she had to hang up because… "I don't like being on the phone while driving."
The Dodge County, WI sheriff's deputies eventually found her and cited her for drunk driving. When asked why she made the call she said her boyfriend told her to because he was also riding in the car and too drunk to make the call himself. Okay, this sounds like a movie called Drunk and Drunker!
All Aboard! – The Tale of Two Conductors
A conductor on a commuter train in New York stopped the train last week and went on top of one of the cars after he noticed a power glitch when the train switched from track power to overhead power lines.
The conductor found a 36-year old man who had burst into flames from the 14,000 volts that surged through his body after the switch-over and fortunately the conductor had a fire extinguisher with him. Because of the conductor’s quick reaction the 36 old was hospitalized in fair condition.
The train conductor was recognized for his quick thinking and received “top conductor” honors. It was unclear why the 36-year old was on top of the train and how he survived the 14,000 volts, but without a doubt he certainly he was an excellent conductor as well!
It is another fine week in the neighborhood my friends and this is the Bottom of the News for Friday, April 18, 2008. ###
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, April 11, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… You know April begins with one of my favorite holidays, April Fools, and yet it seems that there is no shortage of people who fit the bill as this month rolls on…
2008 People to Pose Nude for Euro 2008
VIENNA: New York contemporary artist Spencer Tunick has gained notoriety worldwide for photographing thousands of people in the nude. Now he's planning to pack a Vienna soccer stadium with 2,008 naked fans in the run-up to the Euro 2008 soccer tournament.
Organizers say that “Tunick's unusual genre is perfect for the European soccer championship because he spreads a strong sense of community spirit with the game of soccer against the backdrop of stadium architecture.
It is not exactly clear how Tunick will pose his 2,008 subjects, typically he decides only moments before his cameras begin to shoot.
The New York artist has grabbed headlines for draping naked bodies on glaciers, in front of the United Nations and in more than 70 other locations from Montreal to Melbourne, Australia.
He holds a record for photographing more than 18,000 naked people en masse in Mexico City's main square in 2007.
Far and Away and Bad Idea!
HACKEY, ENGLAND: Lefkos Hajji, 28, had an inspiration for a unique proposal to his girlfriend… He put her $12,000 diamond engagement ring in a balloon – a helium-filled balloon, so he could stick it with a pin to “pop’ the question at just the right moment.
Well, the best laid plans went south (or north actually) when Hajji took the balloon outside. A gust of wind snatched the balloon from his hand and it floated off, taking the ring with it.
Hajji chased the balloon for two hours before giving it up as lost as it floated out over the North Sea. "I felt like such a plonker," he told reporters. (Plonker is a silly idiot who is also careless).
Hajji’s girlfriend was furious demanding a new ring or she would call of the engagement. Short of telling his girlfriend to dive into the North Sea to look for the ring, Hajji decided to postpone the engagement until he can afford to buy a new one.
Wake Up Call For Hillary
WASHINGTON, DC: In what will probably become the iconic TV ad of the 2008 presidential campaign, you may recall the TV commercial where a little girl is shown sleeping as a red phone rings at 3:00 a.m. in the White House.
The spot, for Hillary Clinton, was meant to convey that she is ready on day-one to handle crises, and implied that her opponent Barack Obama is not.
The footage in this ad is at least ten years old and came from a video agency stock house. The little girl featured in the ad is today now 17 years old and the Clinton campaign used the footage without bothering to learn more about the girl featured in their ad.
As it turns out, the girl is Casey Knowles of Bonney Lake, WA. Ironically, this past year she has been working for a presidential campaign… Barack Obama's. When a call was made to the Clinton campaign regarding this interesting situation, the inquirer was told that Hillary would not take their call and that he campaign had “no comment.”
And there you have it, the Bottom of the News on this Friday, April 11, 2008. ###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… You know April begins with one of my favorite holidays, April Fools, and yet it seems that there is no shortage of people who fit the bill as this month rolls on…
2008 People to Pose Nude for Euro 2008
VIENNA: New York contemporary artist Spencer Tunick has gained notoriety worldwide for photographing thousands of people in the nude. Now he's planning to pack a Vienna soccer stadium with 2,008 naked fans in the run-up to the Euro 2008 soccer tournament.
Organizers say that “Tunick's unusual genre is perfect for the European soccer championship because he spreads a strong sense of community spirit with the game of soccer against the backdrop of stadium architecture.
It is not exactly clear how Tunick will pose his 2,008 subjects, typically he decides only moments before his cameras begin to shoot.
The New York artist has grabbed headlines for draping naked bodies on glaciers, in front of the United Nations and in more than 70 other locations from Montreal to Melbourne, Australia.
He holds a record for photographing more than 18,000 naked people en masse in Mexico City's main square in 2007.
Far and Away and Bad Idea!
HACKEY, ENGLAND: Lefkos Hajji, 28, had an inspiration for a unique proposal to his girlfriend… He put her $12,000 diamond engagement ring in a balloon – a helium-filled balloon, so he could stick it with a pin to “pop’ the question at just the right moment.
Well, the best laid plans went south (or north actually) when Hajji took the balloon outside. A gust of wind snatched the balloon from his hand and it floated off, taking the ring with it.
Hajji chased the balloon for two hours before giving it up as lost as it floated out over the North Sea. "I felt like such a plonker," he told reporters. (Plonker is a silly idiot who is also careless).
Hajji’s girlfriend was furious demanding a new ring or she would call of the engagement. Short of telling his girlfriend to dive into the North Sea to look for the ring, Hajji decided to postpone the engagement until he can afford to buy a new one.
Wake Up Call For Hillary
WASHINGTON, DC: In what will probably become the iconic TV ad of the 2008 presidential campaign, you may recall the TV commercial where a little girl is shown sleeping as a red phone rings at 3:00 a.m. in the White House.
The spot, for Hillary Clinton, was meant to convey that she is ready on day-one to handle crises, and implied that her opponent Barack Obama is not.
The footage in this ad is at least ten years old and came from a video agency stock house. The little girl featured in the ad is today now 17 years old and the Clinton campaign used the footage without bothering to learn more about the girl featured in their ad.
As it turns out, the girl is Casey Knowles of Bonney Lake, WA. Ironically, this past year she has been working for a presidential campaign… Barack Obama's. When a call was made to the Clinton campaign regarding this interesting situation, the inquirer was told that Hillary would not take their call and that he campaign had “no comment.”
And there you have it, the Bottom of the News on this Friday, April 11, 2008. ###
Friday, March 28, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, March 28, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it’s the end of another month and as we head into spring, the warm weather seems to bring out the best in people.
And so, to begin, I want to recognize and thank Bart Woods for filling in as our honorary Rotary Reporter of the bottom of the news last week. He assured me that he would “follow the script” and I’m told he did exactly that. So, Bart, as a token of our appreciation please accept this Honorary Rotary Reporter certificate… (read certificate and give to Bart).
Who Ya Gonna Call? Ghostbusters!
IOWA CITY, Iowa – Johnson County officials have given their informal OK for ghost hunters to check out a one-time insane asylum to see if any spirits live there. The Johnson County Board of Supervisors took the initial action on the request from the local Historical Society, which gives tours of the 153-year-old building.
Brandon Cochran, museum operations assistant for the Historical society, said there have never been reports of ghosts or bizarre happenings at the building and that bringing in a paranormal team is "kind of taking the pre-emptive approach.” Cochran wants an Iowa-based investigative team to come in for one night, but yet hopes they don't find any paranormal activity so the investigation can put to rest any speculation.
As in the movie Ghostbusters, this special team will use thermal imaging equipment and voice recording systems. Biggest concern for the county is potential liability issues before supervisors can formally approve the request.
The building, built in 1855, originally housed insane mentally ill patients and today it houses people with physical and mental disabilities. Officials of the current building do not want the paranormal team disturbing their current residents with their Ghost buster approach. As one county employee noted, “Seems our board in their quest to find “paranormal” activities, seems a bit too paranoid in their approach.”
We have a notable event on this day in history… TMI Accident
The Three Mile Island nuclear accident occurred in Harrisburg, PA, in 1979. Plant operators accidently turned off the water cooling system when a valve failed to close causing a dangerous overheating of the nuclear reactor core, which could have led to a meltdown. A meltdown is the worst case scenario, which is what happened at Chernobyl in Russia in 1986.
TMI was a state-of-the-art reactor lauded for generating affordable and reliable energy in a time of the 70’s energy crisis. Conflicting reports didn’t clarify if the accident was life-threatening, causing the Governor to issue an evacuation of pregnant women and children within a five-mile radius of the plant. Officials tried to calm people’s fears, however, many panicked with more than 100,000 people fleeing the area during the ensuing 48 hours.
President Carter, a trained nuclear engineer, visited TMI with the aim of calming the fears of local residents and the nation. On April 1st it was determined that the accident was minor and that a few plant workers were exposed to unhealthy levels of radiation, but very little radiation had escaped the plant. Nonetheless, the incident greatly eroded our country’s faith in nuclear power. TMI is still shut down to this day and not a single new nuclear power plant has been built since in the United States. FYI, the Chernobyl, Russia accident from half way around the world, actually exposed Harrisburg, PA to more radiation than the incident from Three Mile Island, which was only 10 miles away.
Where did Wireless Phones Begin?
CEDAR RAPIDS, IA: New York scientists recently reported after having dug to a depth of 10 yards recently, that they found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors had developed a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times read: 'California archaeologists find traces of 200 year old copper wire and conclude that their ancestors had a high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than New Yorkers.
One week later, in Cedar Rapids Iowa, their local paper, the Gazette, reported that Louie Voleska, a self-taught archaeologist, said he found absolutely nothing after digging as deep as 30 yards down in corn fields near Palo, IA. Voleska therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Iowa had already gone wireless.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News on this Friday, March 28, 2008. ###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it’s the end of another month and as we head into spring, the warm weather seems to bring out the best in people.
And so, to begin, I want to recognize and thank Bart Woods for filling in as our honorary Rotary Reporter of the bottom of the news last week. He assured me that he would “follow the script” and I’m told he did exactly that. So, Bart, as a token of our appreciation please accept this Honorary Rotary Reporter certificate… (read certificate and give to Bart).
Who Ya Gonna Call? Ghostbusters!
IOWA CITY, Iowa – Johnson County officials have given their informal OK for ghost hunters to check out a one-time insane asylum to see if any spirits live there. The Johnson County Board of Supervisors took the initial action on the request from the local Historical Society, which gives tours of the 153-year-old building.
Brandon Cochran, museum operations assistant for the Historical society, said there have never been reports of ghosts or bizarre happenings at the building and that bringing in a paranormal team is "kind of taking the pre-emptive approach.” Cochran wants an Iowa-based investigative team to come in for one night, but yet hopes they don't find any paranormal activity so the investigation can put to rest any speculation.
As in the movie Ghostbusters, this special team will use thermal imaging equipment and voice recording systems. Biggest concern for the county is potential liability issues before supervisors can formally approve the request.
The building, built in 1855, originally housed insane mentally ill patients and today it houses people with physical and mental disabilities. Officials of the current building do not want the paranormal team disturbing their current residents with their Ghost buster approach. As one county employee noted, “Seems our board in their quest to find “paranormal” activities, seems a bit too paranoid in their approach.”
We have a notable event on this day in history… TMI Accident
The Three Mile Island nuclear accident occurred in Harrisburg, PA, in 1979. Plant operators accidently turned off the water cooling system when a valve failed to close causing a dangerous overheating of the nuclear reactor core, which could have led to a meltdown. A meltdown is the worst case scenario, which is what happened at Chernobyl in Russia in 1986.
TMI was a state-of-the-art reactor lauded for generating affordable and reliable energy in a time of the 70’s energy crisis. Conflicting reports didn’t clarify if the accident was life-threatening, causing the Governor to issue an evacuation of pregnant women and children within a five-mile radius of the plant. Officials tried to calm people’s fears, however, many panicked with more than 100,000 people fleeing the area during the ensuing 48 hours.
President Carter, a trained nuclear engineer, visited TMI with the aim of calming the fears of local residents and the nation. On April 1st it was determined that the accident was minor and that a few plant workers were exposed to unhealthy levels of radiation, but very little radiation had escaped the plant. Nonetheless, the incident greatly eroded our country’s faith in nuclear power. TMI is still shut down to this day and not a single new nuclear power plant has been built since in the United States. FYI, the Chernobyl, Russia accident from half way around the world, actually exposed Harrisburg, PA to more radiation than the incident from Three Mile Island, which was only 10 miles away.
Where did Wireless Phones Begin?
CEDAR RAPIDS, IA: New York scientists recently reported after having dug to a depth of 10 yards recently, that they found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors had developed a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times read: 'California archaeologists find traces of 200 year old copper wire and conclude that their ancestors had a high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than New Yorkers.
One week later, in Cedar Rapids Iowa, their local paper, the Gazette, reported that Louie Voleska, a self-taught archaeologist, said he found absolutely nothing after digging as deep as 30 yards down in corn fields near Palo, IA. Voleska therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Iowa had already gone wireless.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News on this Friday, March 28, 2008. ###
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, March 20, 2008
Reporter's Note: My thanks to Bart Woods for serving as our Honorary Reporter for this week's edition of the news!
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… It is another wild and wacky month as we head into spring. Here are a few examples of people who have had their “brush with the law” so to speak.
DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO!
Vince Hogg, 45, and Beverley Burns, 42, are notorious in Fife Scotland for their regular “domestic battles” according to a recent report from the local court. In their latest skirmish, Hogg pulled Burns' hair and threw her against a wall.
The prosecutor reported that… "He was angry about the fact a shower was leaking and caused a carpet to get wet,” Hogg pled guilty and got probation rather than jail.
But the prosecutor also told the court that Hogg has to deal with “serious consequences because of his line of work." Hogg has worked for the National Health Service for 27 years, and is "heavily involved" in the Zero Tolerance Campaign Against Domestic Violence. And recently he was promoted to the position of anger management counselor, but that promotion was rescinded after his arrest.
Hogg was suspended temporarily with full pay while he serves out his probation, however, he will return to work at NHS. The judge in the case was concerned that Hogg was taking advantage of the loopholes in "Zero Tolerance" policy and that he did not practice what he taught to kids and adults in his work. It appeared that Hogg, as the maker of rules, did not follow his owning teachings.
BIG SISTER IS WATCHING
To cut down on shoplifting in stores, police in Derbyshire, England, have been providing shops with life-sized cardboard cutouts of one of their active-duty policemen that can be on display in the stores.
Anna Gaskell recently picked up 10 cutouts of herself and said "They're very realistic and looking at ten of me was surreal," she said. The program has been a success, with dramatic reductions in shoplifting in stores where the cutouts are set up, conspicuously watching over shoppers.
There was one notable failure in one shop, however; in the town of Belper, a shop had its cardboard cutout stolen – it was the cardboard cutout of a police dog chasing a suspected robber!
OK BUDDY, WHERE'S THE FIRE?
When the Anchorage Inn in Rouses Point, N.Y., caught fire, the small town at the extreme north tip of the state called for help from neighboring fire departments. The town of Lacolle, which is located right across the border in Canada (just 8 miles away), sent an engine, but it was stopped at the border by a U.S. Customs official.
"I've been crossing this border for 30 years, and the only question we were ever asked was, ‘Where's the fire?’” said Lacolle fire Chief Jean-Pierre Hebert. This time, however, the firefighters were delayed for as long as 15 minutes while they explained why they didn't have their passports in their bunker gear.
"When you're answering a call at midnight, all you think about is putting on your pants," Hebert said. "You don't think about taking your wallet." Two other trucks behind them, also running with lights and sirens, were also delayed.
Hebert said American authorities promised the "isolated incident" would not be repeated. Too late for the restaurant… it burnt to the ground. One local authority commented that the fire probably did more damage that any fire truck-borne terrorists could have accomplished.
And this is the bottom of the news on this Friday March 20, 2008.
Reporter's Note: My thanks to Bart Woods for serving as our Honorary Reporter for this week's edition of the news!
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… It is another wild and wacky month as we head into spring. Here are a few examples of people who have had their “brush with the law” so to speak.
DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO!
Vince Hogg, 45, and Beverley Burns, 42, are notorious in Fife Scotland for their regular “domestic battles” according to a recent report from the local court. In their latest skirmish, Hogg pulled Burns' hair and threw her against a wall.
The prosecutor reported that… "He was angry about the fact a shower was leaking and caused a carpet to get wet,” Hogg pled guilty and got probation rather than jail.
But the prosecutor also told the court that Hogg has to deal with “serious consequences because of his line of work." Hogg has worked for the National Health Service for 27 years, and is "heavily involved" in the Zero Tolerance Campaign Against Domestic Violence. And recently he was promoted to the position of anger management counselor, but that promotion was rescinded after his arrest.
Hogg was suspended temporarily with full pay while he serves out his probation, however, he will return to work at NHS. The judge in the case was concerned that Hogg was taking advantage of the loopholes in "Zero Tolerance" policy and that he did not practice what he taught to kids and adults in his work. It appeared that Hogg, as the maker of rules, did not follow his owning teachings.
BIG SISTER IS WATCHING
To cut down on shoplifting in stores, police in Derbyshire, England, have been providing shops with life-sized cardboard cutouts of one of their active-duty policemen that can be on display in the stores.
Anna Gaskell recently picked up 10 cutouts of herself and said "They're very realistic and looking at ten of me was surreal," she said. The program has been a success, with dramatic reductions in shoplifting in stores where the cutouts are set up, conspicuously watching over shoppers.
There was one notable failure in one shop, however; in the town of Belper, a shop had its cardboard cutout stolen – it was the cardboard cutout of a police dog chasing a suspected robber!
OK BUDDY, WHERE'S THE FIRE?
When the Anchorage Inn in Rouses Point, N.Y., caught fire, the small town at the extreme north tip of the state called for help from neighboring fire departments. The town of Lacolle, which is located right across the border in Canada (just 8 miles away), sent an engine, but it was stopped at the border by a U.S. Customs official.
"I've been crossing this border for 30 years, and the only question we were ever asked was, ‘Where's the fire?’” said Lacolle fire Chief Jean-Pierre Hebert. This time, however, the firefighters were delayed for as long as 15 minutes while they explained why they didn't have their passports in their bunker gear.
"When you're answering a call at midnight, all you think about is putting on your pants," Hebert said. "You don't think about taking your wallet." Two other trucks behind them, also running with lights and sirens, were also delayed.
Hebert said American authorities promised the "isolated incident" would not be repeated. Too late for the restaurant… it burnt to the ground. One local authority commented that the fire probably did more damage that any fire truck-borne terrorists could have accomplished.
And this is the bottom of the news on this Friday March 20, 2008.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, March 14, 2008
Top of the mornin' to ya my fellow Rotarians… Yes, it is the weekend eve of the most beloved holidays and that is St. Patrick’s day, which is the coming Monday.
But first, we have a special recognition for Daryl Spivey. Last week, Daryl volunteered for yours truly during my absence, to report the bottom of the news. I was told it was a special moment in time! And some wondered what qualified Daryl to be our reporter and I want you all to know that our crack Rotary Research Team did their due diligence on Daryl because we needed to make sure he had proper credentials and qualifications.
After considerable searching, it came down to two things… Daryl is trained as a FBI hostage negotiator and he has expertise as a family issues mediator. Hey, we figured if he can deal with those two situations then you can present to this group! As one Daybreaker emailed me… “Daryl is a great guy… so why did you do that to him!?” Hey, I asked and he volunteered!
So, Daryl, we have a token of appreciation that reads as follows… "Presented to Daryl Spivey; you are commended for the courage required to stand before your peers in the reporting of the bottom of the news. The Rotary News Team herby bestows upon you the title of "Honorary Rotary Reporter" to thank you for your service above self. (gave certificate to Daryl).
Okay, here are a few things of note regarding St. Patrick’s Day…
It started as a Christian and Catholic holiday in honor of St. Patrick (who was known for driving all the snakes off of the island of Ireland AND later in his life he introduced Christianity to the Irish around 400 AD. It is believed that March 17th is the date of St. Patrick’s death. Today, St. Patrick’s Day is one of the biggest celebrated holidays around the world. As the sign I saw last year in the Guinness Brewery says in Dublin… “Everyone is Irish on March 17th.”
Saint Patrick's Day celebrations in the U.S. were stated by Irish immigrants with the first parade in Boston, MA 1737, New York City, 1756 and Savannah, GA 1813, which last year boasted the largest US attendance at 750,000 people.
As a church holiday it has been celebrated in Ireland since the 1700’s. Last year Dublin’s 5-day festival had over a half a million people attending; Ireland’s total population is just over 4 million, but their festival only started in 1996 as an official Ireland government campaign using the holiday to showcase Ireland’s culture and to spur economic development. Ireland now is encouraging people of Irish decent to return to their homeland during the month on March annually.
The shortest St Patrick's Day parade in the world takes place between two pubs in a tiny Irish village. In the town of Dripsey, County Cork (on SW coast), their parade only runs 100 yards from the Weigh Inn to the Lee Valley Inn. The Postmaster Dermot O`Leary dresses up as St Patrick and they have 30 groups in the parade.
In the US… Chicago dyes its river green, Indianapolis dyes its main canal green and Savannah dyes its downtown city fountains green. At the University of Missouri Rolla Alumni paint 12 city blocks kelly green with mops before their annual parade.
Although Saint Patrick's Day has the color green as its theme, one little known fact is that blue was once the color associated with this day.
Corned beef and cabbage is the most common meal eaten in the US for St. Patrick's Day, even though historically, corned beef and cabbage is an American (rather than a traditionally Irish) meal.
And finally, if you drive on St. Patrick's Day you are 20% more likely to be killed or injured in an alcohol-related crash than on other days. So, be careful this coming Monday and remember to wear green if you don’t like to be pinched!
And there you have it, our Irish Bottom of the News! A top O the morning to ya… on this Friday, March 14, 2008. ###
Top of the mornin' to ya my fellow Rotarians… Yes, it is the weekend eve of the most beloved holidays and that is St. Patrick’s day, which is the coming Monday.
But first, we have a special recognition for Daryl Spivey. Last week, Daryl volunteered for yours truly during my absence, to report the bottom of the news. I was told it was a special moment in time! And some wondered what qualified Daryl to be our reporter and I want you all to know that our crack Rotary Research Team did their due diligence on Daryl because we needed to make sure he had proper credentials and qualifications.
After considerable searching, it came down to two things… Daryl is trained as a FBI hostage negotiator and he has expertise as a family issues mediator. Hey, we figured if he can deal with those two situations then you can present to this group! As one Daybreaker emailed me… “Daryl is a great guy… so why did you do that to him!?” Hey, I asked and he volunteered!
So, Daryl, we have a token of appreciation that reads as follows… "Presented to Daryl Spivey; you are commended for the courage required to stand before your peers in the reporting of the bottom of the news. The Rotary News Team herby bestows upon you the title of "Honorary Rotary Reporter" to thank you for your service above self. (gave certificate to Daryl).
Okay, here are a few things of note regarding St. Patrick’s Day…
It started as a Christian and Catholic holiday in honor of St. Patrick (who was known for driving all the snakes off of the island of Ireland AND later in his life he introduced Christianity to the Irish around 400 AD. It is believed that March 17th is the date of St. Patrick’s death. Today, St. Patrick’s Day is one of the biggest celebrated holidays around the world. As the sign I saw last year in the Guinness Brewery says in Dublin… “Everyone is Irish on March 17th.”
Saint Patrick's Day celebrations in the U.S. were stated by Irish immigrants with the first parade in Boston, MA 1737, New York City, 1756 and Savannah, GA 1813, which last year boasted the largest US attendance at 750,000 people.
As a church holiday it has been celebrated in Ireland since the 1700’s. Last year Dublin’s 5-day festival had over a half a million people attending; Ireland’s total population is just over 4 million, but their festival only started in 1996 as an official Ireland government campaign using the holiday to showcase Ireland’s culture and to spur economic development. Ireland now is encouraging people of Irish decent to return to their homeland during the month on March annually.
The shortest St Patrick's Day parade in the world takes place between two pubs in a tiny Irish village. In the town of Dripsey, County Cork (on SW coast), their parade only runs 100 yards from the Weigh Inn to the Lee Valley Inn. The Postmaster Dermot O`Leary dresses up as St Patrick and they have 30 groups in the parade.
In the US… Chicago dyes its river green, Indianapolis dyes its main canal green and Savannah dyes its downtown city fountains green. At the University of Missouri Rolla Alumni paint 12 city blocks kelly green with mops before their annual parade.
Although Saint Patrick's Day has the color green as its theme, one little known fact is that blue was once the color associated with this day.
Corned beef and cabbage is the most common meal eaten in the US for St. Patrick's Day, even though historically, corned beef and cabbage is an American (rather than a traditionally Irish) meal.
And finally, if you drive on St. Patrick's Day you are 20% more likely to be killed or injured in an alcohol-related crash than on other days. So, be careful this coming Monday and remember to wear green if you don’t like to be pinched!
And there you have it, our Irish Bottom of the News! A top O the morning to ya… on this Friday, March 14, 2008. ###
Friday, February 29, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, February 29, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Yes today is one of those rare days… Leap Day, February 29th.
A leap year has 366 days because the actual length of a year is 365.242 days, not 365 days. Leap years are every 4 years with a few exceptions involving century years, like the year 1900. Since the year is slightly less than 365.25 days long, adding an extra day every 4 years results in about 3 extra days being added over a period of 400 years. So, only 1 of every 4 century years is considered as a leap year. Thus 1700, 1800, 1900 were not leap years, and 2100 and 2400 will not be leap years.
The town of Anthony, TX, organizes a leap year festival to celebrate leap year and leap year babies. It proudly calls itself the leap year capital of the world and leap year “babies”, or leaplings from around the world come to its annual parade and festival.
There is also a lot of superstition and interesting tales that abound about leap years and the date itself. For instance, in Greece, people believe it is bad luck to get married in a leap year.
Superstitious Chinese believe that more accidents and mishaps occur during the leap month in the lunar calendar. They also think that children born in that month are harder to bring up. And most Chinese will not start a business nor get married in a February leap month.
In Ireland, women can propose to a man. This dates back to the fifth century when Saint Brigit complained to St Patrick that women had to wait too long for men to propose marriage, and so St Patrick decided that in a leap year, women could take the initiative.
Scotland enacted a law in 1288 (authorized by the unmarried five-year-old Queen Margaret) that allowed women the right to corner a man with a proposal. Men who refused would have to pay a fine in the form of a kiss, a silk dress or a pair of gloves. So, guys, which would you have preferred?
In Australia, over 20 per cent of women support the tradition which says they can propose during a leap year and men are told they cannot refuse such an offer.
In the US a custom was born from the famous comic strip L’il Abner where in the fictional town of Dogpatch, Sadie Hawkins could never attract a husband because she was ugly. Her father set up a day each year when women could literally chase after the bachelors around town in a race. The unlucky guys caught would have to marry the women who nabbed them. While the event was held in November in the comic strip, it evolved into a tradition tied it in to Feb 29. Thus, Sadie Hawkins and WPA dances are popular in late February.
Did you know? • If there were no leap years, after 500 years, we would be celebrating Christmas in August. • The odds of being born on a leap day are one in 1,461, according to The Honor Society of Leap Year Day Babies. • There are roughly 208,000 leap babies in the United States and 4.5 million in the world.
HOW cool would it be if you were born on Feb 29? You could be 80 and still tell everyone you’ve only celebrated 20 birthdays. Okay to close, here are a few celebrities born on Feb 29…
Dinah Shore, singer and actress
Jimmy Dorsey, American musician and bandleader
Anthony Robbins, motivational speaker
And Superman, according to a Time magazine a few years back, his birthday is on Feb 29. No wonder he never ages!
And there you have it, your once-every-four-years LEAP YEAR Bottom of the News… on this Leap Friday, February 29, 2008. ###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Yes today is one of those rare days… Leap Day, February 29th.
A leap year has 366 days because the actual length of a year is 365.242 days, not 365 days. Leap years are every 4 years with a few exceptions involving century years, like the year 1900. Since the year is slightly less than 365.25 days long, adding an extra day every 4 years results in about 3 extra days being added over a period of 400 years. So, only 1 of every 4 century years is considered as a leap year. Thus 1700, 1800, 1900 were not leap years, and 2100 and 2400 will not be leap years.
The town of Anthony, TX, organizes a leap year festival to celebrate leap year and leap year babies. It proudly calls itself the leap year capital of the world and leap year “babies”, or leaplings from around the world come to its annual parade and festival.
There is also a lot of superstition and interesting tales that abound about leap years and the date itself. For instance, in Greece, people believe it is bad luck to get married in a leap year.
Superstitious Chinese believe that more accidents and mishaps occur during the leap month in the lunar calendar. They also think that children born in that month are harder to bring up. And most Chinese will not start a business nor get married in a February leap month.
In Ireland, women can propose to a man. This dates back to the fifth century when Saint Brigit complained to St Patrick that women had to wait too long for men to propose marriage, and so St Patrick decided that in a leap year, women could take the initiative.
Scotland enacted a law in 1288 (authorized by the unmarried five-year-old Queen Margaret) that allowed women the right to corner a man with a proposal. Men who refused would have to pay a fine in the form of a kiss, a silk dress or a pair of gloves. So, guys, which would you have preferred?
In Australia, over 20 per cent of women support the tradition which says they can propose during a leap year and men are told they cannot refuse such an offer.
In the US a custom was born from the famous comic strip L’il Abner where in the fictional town of Dogpatch, Sadie Hawkins could never attract a husband because she was ugly. Her father set up a day each year when women could literally chase after the bachelors around town in a race. The unlucky guys caught would have to marry the women who nabbed them. While the event was held in November in the comic strip, it evolved into a tradition tied it in to Feb 29. Thus, Sadie Hawkins and WPA dances are popular in late February.
Did you know? • If there were no leap years, after 500 years, we would be celebrating Christmas in August. • The odds of being born on a leap day are one in 1,461, according to The Honor Society of Leap Year Day Babies. • There are roughly 208,000 leap babies in the United States and 4.5 million in the world.
HOW cool would it be if you were born on Feb 29? You could be 80 and still tell everyone you’ve only celebrated 20 birthdays. Okay to close, here are a few celebrities born on Feb 29…
Dinah Shore, singer and actress
Jimmy Dorsey, American musician and bandleader
Anthony Robbins, motivational speaker
And Superman, according to a Time magazine a few years back, his birthday is on Feb 29. No wonder he never ages!
And there you have it, your once-every-four-years LEAP YEAR Bottom of the News… on this Leap Friday, February 29, 2008. ###
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