Bottom of the News… Friday, July 25, 2008
Honoring Red Skelton
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Last week, July 18th, was the birthday of “Red” Skelton, the all-American comedian from radio, TV and film for nearly 40 years. He died 11 years ago at the age of 84. He could make people laugh with by twisting his words and with his many facial expressions.
Quite often he made fun of his wife Edna, and yet as his chief writer, she wrote many of the bits where he picked on her. One of his most famous monologues I want to share with you today entitled… Red Skelton’s Recipe for a Perfect Marriage:
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere... but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. One morning she ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"
11. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
And that from the funny man Red Skelton. And one final famous quote he used to close his show each week… "Good night and may God bless."
So for our news today we honor a great American comedian on this Friday, July 25, 2008!
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Friday, July 25, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, July 18, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… I thought it would be most appropriate to take this morning to highlight a top of the news item that has gotten a lot of attention for Iowa around the country these past few weeks. No, I’m not talking about the flooding, but rather HOW Iowans have reacted to what is shaping up to be one of the top 10 disasters in US history. I wanted to share a few excerpts from some newspaper editorials.
It Started with the Wall Street Journal
Their editorial talked about “what we don’t see in Iowa” and they talked about the lack of street violence and looking at people sitting on their rooftops and many other examples. And within days newspapers around the country picked up on the observation of how people of Iowa were reacting to our catastrophe. Towns were overwhelmed, businesses destroyed, and crops were being washed away. Fox News called it "Iowa's Katrina."
The St. Paul Pioneer Press
As events unfolded, people stepped up in the Iowa “stubborn” way. We know that all too well, being Minnesotians! There were many man-on-the-street interviews, and nobody was complaining. They all seemed to be working to solve their problems, which is not surprising because Iowans do not complain about tragedy. They complain about hot weather and dry weather, and winter cold (that comes down from Minnesota with lots of snow!), but they do not complain about tragedy.
The Detroit News
Katrina has become a metaphor for many things beyond natural disaster, including governmental and individual incompetence (depending on your point of view). In Iowa there was a greater than 500 year flood, but the people were not paralyzed, whining, or looting. When the people in Iowa were asked to evacuate from certain significantly flooded areas they did so without question. They evacuated. I am sure if you poked around enough in Iowa you could find a few disgruntled souls.
The Boston Globe
There has been no large-scale blame cast elsewhere, to Washington, federal officials, or FEMA. So far, we haven't heard anybody say the high water is the president’s fault. Nobody in Iowa is complaining or blaming. Nobody has abandoned their jobs. Nobody is crying foul. Nobody is looting. None of their senators and governor have been crying on TV. In fact, a “large congratulations” might be sent to Iowa, or Iowans, who seem to be dealing with their floods the only way possible, by dealing with them.
And unfortunately, there will be no massive relief effort from around the world with telethons and lots of celebrity support. Most of those who will step up to help with be other Iowans.
The difference is not in the severity of the flood, but in the people who confront the flood. Good for Iowa.
And I am proud to give this Top of the News report for Friday, July 18, 2008.
So today, I am fortunate to be hosting a special event to help our business community. The Iowa Business Recovery Summit will start within the hour at Mount Mercy. The chamber and a dozen companies have teamed up with 15 coaches and advisors who have stepped up to join our effort.
And we have a special guest from New Orleans who will be a featured presenter over lunch talking about “Lessons from Katrina.” Brian Baudean, a fellow Rotarian, is with us today and I wanted you all to meet him.
Also, if you would still like to attend the summit either this morning, or for lunch, talk to me and we can get you signed up. We have around 100 people coming and it is FREE at Donnelly Hall at Mount Mercy, registration starts at 8 am, lunch is at Noon. Thanks for your support!
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… I thought it would be most appropriate to take this morning to highlight a top of the news item that has gotten a lot of attention for Iowa around the country these past few weeks. No, I’m not talking about the flooding, but rather HOW Iowans have reacted to what is shaping up to be one of the top 10 disasters in US history. I wanted to share a few excerpts from some newspaper editorials.
It Started with the Wall Street Journal
Their editorial talked about “what we don’t see in Iowa” and they talked about the lack of street violence and looking at people sitting on their rooftops and many other examples. And within days newspapers around the country picked up on the observation of how people of Iowa were reacting to our catastrophe. Towns were overwhelmed, businesses destroyed, and crops were being washed away. Fox News called it "Iowa's Katrina."
The St. Paul Pioneer Press
As events unfolded, people stepped up in the Iowa “stubborn” way. We know that all too well, being Minnesotians! There were many man-on-the-street interviews, and nobody was complaining. They all seemed to be working to solve their problems, which is not surprising because Iowans do not complain about tragedy. They complain about hot weather and dry weather, and winter cold (that comes down from Minnesota with lots of snow!), but they do not complain about tragedy.
The Detroit News
Katrina has become a metaphor for many things beyond natural disaster, including governmental and individual incompetence (depending on your point of view). In Iowa there was a greater than 500 year flood, but the people were not paralyzed, whining, or looting. When the people in Iowa were asked to evacuate from certain significantly flooded areas they did so without question. They evacuated. I am sure if you poked around enough in Iowa you could find a few disgruntled souls.
The Boston Globe
There has been no large-scale blame cast elsewhere, to Washington, federal officials, or FEMA. So far, we haven't heard anybody say the high water is the president’s fault. Nobody in Iowa is complaining or blaming. Nobody has abandoned their jobs. Nobody is crying foul. Nobody is looting. None of their senators and governor have been crying on TV. In fact, a “large congratulations” might be sent to Iowa, or Iowans, who seem to be dealing with their floods the only way possible, by dealing with them.
And unfortunately, there will be no massive relief effort from around the world with telethons and lots of celebrity support. Most of those who will step up to help with be other Iowans.
The difference is not in the severity of the flood, but in the people who confront the flood. Good for Iowa.
And I am proud to give this Top of the News report for Friday, July 18, 2008.
So today, I am fortunate to be hosting a special event to help our business community. The Iowa Business Recovery Summit will start within the hour at Mount Mercy. The chamber and a dozen companies have teamed up with 15 coaches and advisors who have stepped up to join our effort.
And we have a special guest from New Orleans who will be a featured presenter over lunch talking about “Lessons from Katrina.” Brian Baudean, a fellow Rotarian, is with us today and I wanted you all to meet him.
Also, if you would still like to attend the summit either this morning, or for lunch, talk to me and we can get you signed up. We have around 100 people coming and it is FREE at Donnelly Hall at Mount Mercy, registration starts at 8 am, lunch is at Noon. Thanks for your support!
###
Friday, July 11, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, July 11, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… I thought it might be interesting to go back into the archives for Iowa based bottom of the news events over the years and our crack research team came up with these stories…
Parking Tickets
In April of 1994 in Cedar Rapids Erin Prendergast, 20, pleaded guilty to 174 more parking violations, with total fines reaching nearly $5,000. Earlier in the year, in January, she had pleaded guilty to 248 parking tickets totaling more than $7,000. Officials said still more violations against her were awaiting processing. When the judge asked how she could accumulate so many violations, Prendergast, who was described as very cooperative by a Gazette reporter, said, "I really don't know your honor."
Lottery Tickets
In June of 2002, a woman described only as in her 40s, spent five hours off and on shopping at a Des Moines convenience store buying scratch-off lottery tickets, stopping only when her paycheck of $60 had been exhausted with just one winning ticket. A few minutes later, she returned to the store and robbed it.
Fish Story
Ronald Clark, age 30 in 1991, was charged with assault in Cedar Rapids in February for reportedly hitting Thomas Jones in the face with a frozen fish, A broken nose and cut up face sent Jones to the hospital. Clark was confronted in his home by Jones in an argument over a woman.
The Streaker
In 1998, John Thomas was arrested in Council Bluffs in May after he was found running naked over a bridge on Interstate 480. He told police that bolts of lightning in a recent storm had instructed him to undress and run about town.
Road Kills & Hiway Spills
The year 1996 was a record for highway truck spills in Iowa…
o A semi load of frozen French fries spilled on I-80 in eastern Iowa,
o A pickup truck full of ricotta cheese spilled in central Iowa,
o 21 tons of large plates of glass shattered on a downtown street in Davenport.
o 12,000 roofing nails, that punctured tires of about 50 cars, spilled on I-35 in southern Iowa,
o 30,000 cans of Milwaukee's Best beer exploded on the highway near Dubuque,
o And finally, 103,000 eggs fell off a truck and covered a major section of Highway 92 near Winterset. The locals use this event to claim the Guinness Book record for having the world’s largest batch of “scrambled eggs!”
Only in Iowa! And as an FYI, you can check out our Bottom of the News blog at http://daybreakrotary.blogspot.com. And there you have it, weird news in Iowa history as our Bottom of the News for Friday, July 11, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… I thought it might be interesting to go back into the archives for Iowa based bottom of the news events over the years and our crack research team came up with these stories…
Parking Tickets
In April of 1994 in Cedar Rapids Erin Prendergast, 20, pleaded guilty to 174 more parking violations, with total fines reaching nearly $5,000. Earlier in the year, in January, she had pleaded guilty to 248 parking tickets totaling more than $7,000. Officials said still more violations against her were awaiting processing. When the judge asked how she could accumulate so many violations, Prendergast, who was described as very cooperative by a Gazette reporter, said, "I really don't know your honor."
Lottery Tickets
In June of 2002, a woman described only as in her 40s, spent five hours off and on shopping at a Des Moines convenience store buying scratch-off lottery tickets, stopping only when her paycheck of $60 had been exhausted with just one winning ticket. A few minutes later, she returned to the store and robbed it.
Fish Story
Ronald Clark, age 30 in 1991, was charged with assault in Cedar Rapids in February for reportedly hitting Thomas Jones in the face with a frozen fish, A broken nose and cut up face sent Jones to the hospital. Clark was confronted in his home by Jones in an argument over a woman.
The Streaker
In 1998, John Thomas was arrested in Council Bluffs in May after he was found running naked over a bridge on Interstate 480. He told police that bolts of lightning in a recent storm had instructed him to undress and run about town.
Road Kills & Hiway Spills
The year 1996 was a record for highway truck spills in Iowa…
o A semi load of frozen French fries spilled on I-80 in eastern Iowa,
o A pickup truck full of ricotta cheese spilled in central Iowa,
o 21 tons of large plates of glass shattered on a downtown street in Davenport.
o 12,000 roofing nails, that punctured tires of about 50 cars, spilled on I-35 in southern Iowa,
o 30,000 cans of Milwaukee's Best beer exploded on the highway near Dubuque,
o And finally, 103,000 eggs fell off a truck and covered a major section of Highway 92 near Winterset. The locals use this event to claim the Guinness Book record for having the world’s largest batch of “scrambled eggs!”
Only in Iowa! And as an FYI, you can check out our Bottom of the News blog at http://daybreakrotary.blogspot.com. And there you have it, weird news in Iowa history as our Bottom of the News for Friday, July 11, 2008.
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Friday, June 27, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, June 27, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it's that time again... The annual Darwin Awards were recently announced. These awards recognize people who kill themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid ways. Yes, they have awards for this and please know that each of these are true!
To begin, here are a few of the semifinalists...
Snake Catcher
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.
Bungee Jumper
A 22-year-old Reston, VA , man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said the man taped the straps around one foot and anchored the other end to the railroad trestle. Citing the apparent cause of death as “major trauma”, investigators noted that the length of the cord was longer than the distance between the trestle and the ground.
Cigarette Lighter
Warehouse employees in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas and sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. Upon evacuation, two technicians from the gas company entered the building, but found difficulty navigating in the dark without lights.
After a massive explosion, investigators surmised that one of the technicians must have used a cigarette lighter for light. The explosion was massive, sending objects up to three miles away and nothing was found of the technician’s bodies. The lighter however was found and was virtually untouched by the explosion.
Rocket Scientist
Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded, as always, posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol found a smoldering pile of metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery.
A rocket scientist from Arizona had somehow obtained a Jet Assisted Take Off unit (or JATO), which is a solid fuel rocket that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields.
The scientist took his Chevy Impala to a long stretch of road in the desert, attached the JATO unit to his car and after getting up some speed fired off the rocket.
It appears that the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. The JATO would have caused the Chevy to hit 350 mph running at that speed for 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces comparable to what F-14 pilots experience under full afterburners and he most likely passed out before the crash.
Marks on the highway show the car became airborne for his last 1.4 miles. He hit the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.
And these are the 2007 Darwin award winners, or subtitled… “Stupid ways to kill yourself!” There you have it, the Bottom of the News for this Friday, June 27, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it's that time again... The annual Darwin Awards were recently announced. These awards recognize people who kill themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid ways. Yes, they have awards for this and please know that each of these are true!
To begin, here are a few of the semifinalists...
Snake Catcher
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.
Bungee Jumper
A 22-year-old Reston, VA , man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said the man taped the straps around one foot and anchored the other end to the railroad trestle. Citing the apparent cause of death as “major trauma”, investigators noted that the length of the cord was longer than the distance between the trestle and the ground.
Cigarette Lighter
Warehouse employees in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas and sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. Upon evacuation, two technicians from the gas company entered the building, but found difficulty navigating in the dark without lights.
After a massive explosion, investigators surmised that one of the technicians must have used a cigarette lighter for light. The explosion was massive, sending objects up to three miles away and nothing was found of the technician’s bodies. The lighter however was found and was virtually untouched by the explosion.
Rocket Scientist
Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded, as always, posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol found a smoldering pile of metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery.
A rocket scientist from Arizona had somehow obtained a Jet Assisted Take Off unit (or JATO), which is a solid fuel rocket that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields.
The scientist took his Chevy Impala to a long stretch of road in the desert, attached the JATO unit to his car and after getting up some speed fired off the rocket.
It appears that the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. The JATO would have caused the Chevy to hit 350 mph running at that speed for 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces comparable to what F-14 pilots experience under full afterburners and he most likely passed out before the crash.
Marks on the highway show the car became airborne for his last 1.4 miles. He hit the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.
And these are the 2007 Darwin award winners, or subtitled… “Stupid ways to kill yourself!” There you have it, the Bottom of the News for this Friday, June 27, 2008.
###
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, June 6, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it seems that there is no shortage of people in this world who do dumb things, so let’s give a listen to a few off the wall news stories from this past week.
Man Injures Buttocks after Mooning Restaurant
Netherlands (CNN) -- Dutch police say a college student who pushed his exposed buttocks against a restaurant window as a joke was injured when the glass broke and lacerated his behind.
Authorities say a man, 21, and two others had run down a street Sunday morning with their pants pulled down. The student pushed his behind against the window of a restaurant with the intention of “mooning” the customers when the window broke and cut him.
According to the police, the student suffered "deep wounds to his derriere." The man was treated for his injuries at a nearby hospital. The cafe owner decided not to press charges after the students agreed to apologize to café employees and to pay for the broken window.
Store Qwner ordered to stop taking shoplifters' shoes
DURANGO, Colorado (AP) — Police are telling a liquor store owner to give shoplifters back their shoes.
Tired of losing a $1,000 a month in merchandise to thefts, Gabe Fidaque started telling shoplifters he caught that they had two choices: Give him a shoe or he would call the police.
Many shoplifters would give up a shoe. But Durango police told Fidaque this past week to stop the practice or risk facing charges of felony robbery. Shoplifting, in contrast, is a misdemeanor.
"I would suggest that he find a different option that doesn't involve giving up property," said police Capt. Micki Browning. "What's the difference between him saying, 'Give me $20 and I won't call the police' or 'Give me your shoe?"'
Fidaque was ordered to return the shoes to their owners — if he can find them. He reluctantly agreed. But he stands by his method because whenever he reported people to the police they would return hours after being arrested to steal again.
"The whole point,” Fidaque said, “is that people are too humiliated to come back and ask for their shoe, which means they won’t s steal from my store again."
Not Fool or Theft Proof!
In Berlin, Germany, police were testing a "theft-proof" patrol car. The special BMW was equipped with surveillance equipment, electronic locks, and several other systems to ensure that this car could not be stolen.
Well, guess what… you got it, the car was stolen. But how? Well, the two officers assigned to the test vehicle both jumped out of the car to chase a car thief on foot and eventually they finally admitted that they left the doors unlocked and the keys in the ignition.
Eventually they got the car back and now the department is looking for local citizens to test the effectiveness of this new fool and theft proof BMW. I figured we could just volunteer Bart for the job, he seems to have a knack for keeping track of BMW’s!
And that is the Bottom of the News for Friday, June 6, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it seems that there is no shortage of people in this world who do dumb things, so let’s give a listen to a few off the wall news stories from this past week.
Man Injures Buttocks after Mooning Restaurant
Netherlands (CNN) -- Dutch police say a college student who pushed his exposed buttocks against a restaurant window as a joke was injured when the glass broke and lacerated his behind.
Authorities say a man, 21, and two others had run down a street Sunday morning with their pants pulled down. The student pushed his behind against the window of a restaurant with the intention of “mooning” the customers when the window broke and cut him.
According to the police, the student suffered "deep wounds to his derriere." The man was treated for his injuries at a nearby hospital. The cafe owner decided not to press charges after the students agreed to apologize to café employees and to pay for the broken window.
Store Qwner ordered to stop taking shoplifters' shoes
DURANGO, Colorado (AP) — Police are telling a liquor store owner to give shoplifters back their shoes.
Tired of losing a $1,000 a month in merchandise to thefts, Gabe Fidaque started telling shoplifters he caught that they had two choices: Give him a shoe or he would call the police.
Many shoplifters would give up a shoe. But Durango police told Fidaque this past week to stop the practice or risk facing charges of felony robbery. Shoplifting, in contrast, is a misdemeanor.
"I would suggest that he find a different option that doesn't involve giving up property," said police Capt. Micki Browning. "What's the difference between him saying, 'Give me $20 and I won't call the police' or 'Give me your shoe?"'
Fidaque was ordered to return the shoes to their owners — if he can find them. He reluctantly agreed. But he stands by his method because whenever he reported people to the police they would return hours after being arrested to steal again.
"The whole point,” Fidaque said, “is that people are too humiliated to come back and ask for their shoe, which means they won’t s steal from my store again."
Not Fool or Theft Proof!
In Berlin, Germany, police were testing a "theft-proof" patrol car. The special BMW was equipped with surveillance equipment, electronic locks, and several other systems to ensure that this car could not be stolen.
Well, guess what… you got it, the car was stolen. But how? Well, the two officers assigned to the test vehicle both jumped out of the car to chase a car thief on foot and eventually they finally admitted that they left the doors unlocked and the keys in the ignition.
Eventually they got the car back and now the department is looking for local citizens to test the effectiveness of this new fool and theft proof BMW. I figured we could just volunteer Bart for the job, he seems to have a knack for keeping track of BMW’s!
And that is the Bottom of the News for Friday, June 6, 2008.
###
Friday, May 30, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, May 30, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… This week I thought you'd enjoy some church bulletin announcements, but they have a few typos and mistakes in them. Okay, so let’s give a listen to church bulletin bloopers from across America…
“Ladies, remember our rummage sale this Saturday; it's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.”
“Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.”
“At tonight’s evening service the sermon is entitled "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.”
“Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.”
“Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.”
“Remember to pray for the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love and say "hell" to someone who doesn't like you.
“The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.”
“The ‘Low Self Esteem Support Group’ will meet this Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.”
“Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.”
“Our Associate Minister unveiled the church's new fundraising campaign slogan last Sunday entitled… ‘I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours’."
And there you have them, real church bloopers and that is the Bottom of the News for Friday, May 30th, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… This week I thought you'd enjoy some church bulletin announcements, but they have a few typos and mistakes in them. Okay, so let’s give a listen to church bulletin bloopers from across America…
“Ladies, remember our rummage sale this Saturday; it's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.”
“Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.”
“At tonight’s evening service the sermon is entitled "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.”
“Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.”
“Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.”
“Remember to pray for the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love and say "hell" to someone who doesn't like you.
“The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.”
“The ‘Low Self Esteem Support Group’ will meet this Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.”
“Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.”
“Our Associate Minister unveiled the church's new fundraising campaign slogan last Sunday entitled… ‘I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours’."
And there you have them, real church bloopers and that is the Bottom of the News for Friday, May 30th, 2008.
###
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, May 16, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… This past Sunday was one of all time favorite special Sundays as Mother’s Day. Better late than never to still go ahead and honor our mom’s with some LESSONS TAUGHT BY MOM…
My mother taught me about being a contortionist… "Look at the back of your neck. It's filthy."
My mother taught me about stamina… "You will sit there until all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about weather… "Your room looks like it was hit by a tornado."
My mother taught me about straight talk… "If I told you once, I told you a million times, don't exaggerate."
My mother taught me religion… "You had better pray that the stuff you spilled will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me foresight… "Make sure you wear clean underwear. You never know when you might be in an accident and be taken to the hospital."
My mother taught me control… "Keep laughing and I will give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of osmosis… "Shut your mouth, and eat your supper."
My mother taught me logic… "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me there's a time and place for everything… "If you are going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning the house."
My mother taught me patience and fear... "Wait til you father gets home!"
My mother taught me the quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
My mother taught me a closed mouth gathers no foot.
My mother taught me that some days you are the bug and other days you are the windshield.
My mother taught me never to test the depth of the water with both feet.
My mother taught me if you always tell the truth, you won't have to remember what you said and to whom.
So, to all moms, even though a few days late… we love you and thank you for your pearls of wisdom… Happy (belated) Mother’s Day!
And that is the Bottom of the News for Friday, May 16, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… This past Sunday was one of all time favorite special Sundays as Mother’s Day. Better late than never to still go ahead and honor our mom’s with some LESSONS TAUGHT BY MOM…
My mother taught me about being a contortionist… "Look at the back of your neck. It's filthy."
My mother taught me about stamina… "You will sit there until all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about weather… "Your room looks like it was hit by a tornado."
My mother taught me about straight talk… "If I told you once, I told you a million times, don't exaggerate."
My mother taught me religion… "You had better pray that the stuff you spilled will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me foresight… "Make sure you wear clean underwear. You never know when you might be in an accident and be taken to the hospital."
My mother taught me control… "Keep laughing and I will give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of osmosis… "Shut your mouth, and eat your supper."
My mother taught me logic… "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me there's a time and place for everything… "If you are going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning the house."
My mother taught me patience and fear... "Wait til you father gets home!"
My mother taught me the quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
My mother taught me a closed mouth gathers no foot.
My mother taught me that some days you are the bug and other days you are the windshield.
My mother taught me never to test the depth of the water with both feet.
My mother taught me if you always tell the truth, you won't have to remember what you said and to whom.
So, to all moms, even though a few days late… we love you and thank you for your pearls of wisdom… Happy (belated) Mother’s Day!
And that is the Bottom of the News for Friday, May 16, 2008.
###
Friday, May 02, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, May 2, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it was kind of a slow bottom of the news week and it’s been awhile since we have given a listen to some of the darndest things said by kids… So, here you have it, young wisdom out of the mouths of babes!
A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they are MY feet."
On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
My 10-year old says that people can predict the future with cards. Or at least his mother can. Really? "Yes," he says "she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "Dad, what happened to the flea?"
A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother and she finished up by saying… "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail. AMEN!"
Yes, it is true most of the time, kids say the darndest things! And this is the Bottom of the News for Friday, May 2, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it was kind of a slow bottom of the news week and it’s been awhile since we have given a listen to some of the darndest things said by kids… So, here you have it, young wisdom out of the mouths of babes!
A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they are MY feet."
On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
My 10-year old says that people can predict the future with cards. Or at least his mother can. Really? "Yes," he says "she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "Dad, what happened to the flea?"
A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother and she finished up by saying… "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail. AMEN!"
Yes, it is true most of the time, kids say the darndest things! And this is the Bottom of the News for Friday, May 2, 2008.
###
Friday, April 25, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, April 25, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… I thought it might be interesting to check the archives for bottom of the news events all based in Iowa over the years and our crack research team came up with these stories…
Parking Tickets
In April of 1994 in Cedar Rapids Erin Prendergast, 20, pleaded guilty to 174 more parking violations, with total fines reaching nearly $5,000. Earlier in the year, in January, she had pleaded guilty to 248 parking tickets totaling more than $7,000. Officials said still more violations against her were awaiting processing. When the judge asked how she could accumulate so many violations, Prendergast, who was described as very cooperative by a Gazette reporter, said, "I really don't know your honor."
Lottery Tickets
In June of 2002, a woman described only as in her 40s, spent five hours off and on shopping at a Des Moines convenience store buying scratch-off lottery tickets, stopping only when her paycheck of $60 had been exhausted with just one winning ticket. A few minutes later, she returned to the store and robbed it.
Fish Story
Ronald Clark, age 30 in 1991, was charged with assault in Cedar Rapids in February for reportedly hitting Thomas Jones in the face with a frozen fish, breaking Jones' nose, cutting his face and sending him to the hospital. Clark was confronted in his home by Jones in an argument over a woman.
The Streaker
In 1998, John Thomas was arrested in Council Bluffs in May after he was found running naked over a bridge on Interstate 480. He told police that bolts of lightning in a recent storm had instructed him to undress and run about town.
Hiway Spills
The year 1996 was a record for highway truck spills in Iowa…
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… I thought it might be interesting to check the archives for bottom of the news events all based in Iowa over the years and our crack research team came up with these stories…
Parking Tickets
In April of 1994 in Cedar Rapids Erin Prendergast, 20, pleaded guilty to 174 more parking violations, with total fines reaching nearly $5,000. Earlier in the year, in January, she had pleaded guilty to 248 parking tickets totaling more than $7,000. Officials said still more violations against her were awaiting processing. When the judge asked how she could accumulate so many violations, Prendergast, who was described as very cooperative by a Gazette reporter, said, "I really don't know your honor."
Lottery Tickets
In June of 2002, a woman described only as in her 40s, spent five hours off and on shopping at a Des Moines convenience store buying scratch-off lottery tickets, stopping only when her paycheck of $60 had been exhausted with just one winning ticket. A few minutes later, she returned to the store and robbed it.
Fish Story
Ronald Clark, age 30 in 1991, was charged with assault in Cedar Rapids in February for reportedly hitting Thomas Jones in the face with a frozen fish, breaking Jones' nose, cutting his face and sending him to the hospital. Clark was confronted in his home by Jones in an argument over a woman.
The Streaker
In 1998, John Thomas was arrested in Council Bluffs in May after he was found running naked over a bridge on Interstate 480. He told police that bolts of lightning in a recent storm had instructed him to undress and run about town.
Hiway Spills
The year 1996 was a record for highway truck spills in Iowa…
- A semi load of frozen French fries spilled on I-80,
- A pickup truck full of ricotta cheese spilled in central Iowa,
- 21 tons of large plates of glass shattered on a downtown street in Davenport.
- 12,000 roofing nails, that punctured tires of about 50 cars, spilled on I-35 in southern Iowa,
- 30,000 cans of Milwaukee's Best beer exploded on the highway near Dubuque,
- And finally, 103,000 eggs fell off a truck and covered a major section of Highway 92 near Winterset. The locals use this event to claim the Guinness Book record for having the world’s largest batch of “scrambled eggs!”
Only in Iowa! And there you have it, weird news in Iowa history as our Bottom of the News for this Friday, April 25, 2008.
###
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, April 18, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, this third week in April is a very famous week so let’s start with a few notable events…
During this week in history…
Paul Revere completed his famous midnight ride in 1775 and the following day the shot hear around the world signaled the beginning of the Revolutionary War.
In 1906 the famous San Francisco earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale destroyed entire city blocks and caused massive fires with over 3,000 deaths just in the first week.
This week in 1897 the first Boston Marathon was held with only a few hundred runners; today over 20,000.
This week in 1923, the words “Play Ball!” were heard for the first time in Yankee stadium prior to their game against the Boston Red Sox, the Yankees won and thus the beginning of their long standing rivalry.
During the week in 1977 Apollo 13 returned safely to earth after a near disaster in space.
In 1995 the Oklahoma City bombing happened this week where 168 were killed and over 800 were injured.
And in 1999 this week at Columbine High School near Denver will never be forgotten with 12 students and a teacher killed and 23 others wounded.
And on the news front… Phony Employee!
Hey, did you hear about the guy in Palatine, IL who accepted a job at a telecommunications firm, but then decided he didn't want the job after all and never reported for work? Well, the company accidentally put him on its payroll anyway, and he allegedly collected more than $469,000 in salary over five years.
The accident was finally discovered when the guy tried to cash out his company retirement plan. An HR guy noticed and they guy was arrested on a theft by deception charge. What a phony employee!
Cause for Suspicion – Drunk and Drunker
Patricia Dykstra, 51, called police to report a drunk driver. She gave the car's description, location, and finally her name and then she said she had to hang up because… "I don't like being on the phone while driving."
The Dodge County, WI sheriff's deputies eventually found her and cited her for drunk driving. When asked why she made the call she said her boyfriend told her to because he was also riding in the car and too drunk to make the call himself. Okay, this sounds like a movie called Drunk and Drunker!
All Aboard! – The Tale of Two Conductors
A conductor on a commuter train in New York stopped the train last week and went on top of one of the cars after he noticed a power glitch when the train switched from track power to overhead power lines.
The conductor found a 36-year old man who had burst into flames from the 14,000 volts that surged through his body after the switch-over and fortunately the conductor had a fire extinguisher with him. Because of the conductor’s quick reaction the 36 old was hospitalized in fair condition.
The train conductor was recognized for his quick thinking and received “top conductor” honors. It was unclear why the 36-year old was on top of the train and how he survived the 14,000 volts, but without a doubt he certainly he was an excellent conductor as well!
It is another fine week in the neighborhood my friends and this is the Bottom of the News for Friday, April 18, 2008. ###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, this third week in April is a very famous week so let’s start with a few notable events…
During this week in history…
Paul Revere completed his famous midnight ride in 1775 and the following day the shot hear around the world signaled the beginning of the Revolutionary War.
In 1906 the famous San Francisco earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale destroyed entire city blocks and caused massive fires with over 3,000 deaths just in the first week.
This week in 1897 the first Boston Marathon was held with only a few hundred runners; today over 20,000.
This week in 1923, the words “Play Ball!” were heard for the first time in Yankee stadium prior to their game against the Boston Red Sox, the Yankees won and thus the beginning of their long standing rivalry.
During the week in 1977 Apollo 13 returned safely to earth after a near disaster in space.
In 1995 the Oklahoma City bombing happened this week where 168 were killed and over 800 were injured.
And in 1999 this week at Columbine High School near Denver will never be forgotten with 12 students and a teacher killed and 23 others wounded.
And on the news front… Phony Employee!
Hey, did you hear about the guy in Palatine, IL who accepted a job at a telecommunications firm, but then decided he didn't want the job after all and never reported for work? Well, the company accidentally put him on its payroll anyway, and he allegedly collected more than $469,000 in salary over five years.
The accident was finally discovered when the guy tried to cash out his company retirement plan. An HR guy noticed and they guy was arrested on a theft by deception charge. What a phony employee!
Cause for Suspicion – Drunk and Drunker
Patricia Dykstra, 51, called police to report a drunk driver. She gave the car's description, location, and finally her name and then she said she had to hang up because… "I don't like being on the phone while driving."
The Dodge County, WI sheriff's deputies eventually found her and cited her for drunk driving. When asked why she made the call she said her boyfriend told her to because he was also riding in the car and too drunk to make the call himself. Okay, this sounds like a movie called Drunk and Drunker!
All Aboard! – The Tale of Two Conductors
A conductor on a commuter train in New York stopped the train last week and went on top of one of the cars after he noticed a power glitch when the train switched from track power to overhead power lines.
The conductor found a 36-year old man who had burst into flames from the 14,000 volts that surged through his body after the switch-over and fortunately the conductor had a fire extinguisher with him. Because of the conductor’s quick reaction the 36 old was hospitalized in fair condition.
The train conductor was recognized for his quick thinking and received “top conductor” honors. It was unclear why the 36-year old was on top of the train and how he survived the 14,000 volts, but without a doubt he certainly he was an excellent conductor as well!
It is another fine week in the neighborhood my friends and this is the Bottom of the News for Friday, April 18, 2008. ###
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, April 11, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… You know April begins with one of my favorite holidays, April Fools, and yet it seems that there is no shortage of people who fit the bill as this month rolls on…
2008 People to Pose Nude for Euro 2008
VIENNA: New York contemporary artist Spencer Tunick has gained notoriety worldwide for photographing thousands of people in the nude. Now he's planning to pack a Vienna soccer stadium with 2,008 naked fans in the run-up to the Euro 2008 soccer tournament.
Organizers say that “Tunick's unusual genre is perfect for the European soccer championship because he spreads a strong sense of community spirit with the game of soccer against the backdrop of stadium architecture.
It is not exactly clear how Tunick will pose his 2,008 subjects, typically he decides only moments before his cameras begin to shoot.
The New York artist has grabbed headlines for draping naked bodies on glaciers, in front of the United Nations and in more than 70 other locations from Montreal to Melbourne, Australia.
He holds a record for photographing more than 18,000 naked people en masse in Mexico City's main square in 2007.
Far and Away and Bad Idea!
HACKEY, ENGLAND: Lefkos Hajji, 28, had an inspiration for a unique proposal to his girlfriend… He put her $12,000 diamond engagement ring in a balloon – a helium-filled balloon, so he could stick it with a pin to “pop’ the question at just the right moment.
Well, the best laid plans went south (or north actually) when Hajji took the balloon outside. A gust of wind snatched the balloon from his hand and it floated off, taking the ring with it.
Hajji chased the balloon for two hours before giving it up as lost as it floated out over the North Sea. "I felt like such a plonker," he told reporters. (Plonker is a silly idiot who is also careless).
Hajji’s girlfriend was furious demanding a new ring or she would call of the engagement. Short of telling his girlfriend to dive into the North Sea to look for the ring, Hajji decided to postpone the engagement until he can afford to buy a new one.
Wake Up Call For Hillary
WASHINGTON, DC: In what will probably become the iconic TV ad of the 2008 presidential campaign, you may recall the TV commercial where a little girl is shown sleeping as a red phone rings at 3:00 a.m. in the White House.
The spot, for Hillary Clinton, was meant to convey that she is ready on day-one to handle crises, and implied that her opponent Barack Obama is not.
The footage in this ad is at least ten years old and came from a video agency stock house. The little girl featured in the ad is today now 17 years old and the Clinton campaign used the footage without bothering to learn more about the girl featured in their ad.
As it turns out, the girl is Casey Knowles of Bonney Lake, WA. Ironically, this past year she has been working for a presidential campaign… Barack Obama's. When a call was made to the Clinton campaign regarding this interesting situation, the inquirer was told that Hillary would not take their call and that he campaign had “no comment.”
And there you have it, the Bottom of the News on this Friday, April 11, 2008. ###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… You know April begins with one of my favorite holidays, April Fools, and yet it seems that there is no shortage of people who fit the bill as this month rolls on…
2008 People to Pose Nude for Euro 2008
VIENNA: New York contemporary artist Spencer Tunick has gained notoriety worldwide for photographing thousands of people in the nude. Now he's planning to pack a Vienna soccer stadium with 2,008 naked fans in the run-up to the Euro 2008 soccer tournament.
Organizers say that “Tunick's unusual genre is perfect for the European soccer championship because he spreads a strong sense of community spirit with the game of soccer against the backdrop of stadium architecture.
It is not exactly clear how Tunick will pose his 2,008 subjects, typically he decides only moments before his cameras begin to shoot.
The New York artist has grabbed headlines for draping naked bodies on glaciers, in front of the United Nations and in more than 70 other locations from Montreal to Melbourne, Australia.
He holds a record for photographing more than 18,000 naked people en masse in Mexico City's main square in 2007.
Far and Away and Bad Idea!
HACKEY, ENGLAND: Lefkos Hajji, 28, had an inspiration for a unique proposal to his girlfriend… He put her $12,000 diamond engagement ring in a balloon – a helium-filled balloon, so he could stick it with a pin to “pop’ the question at just the right moment.
Well, the best laid plans went south (or north actually) when Hajji took the balloon outside. A gust of wind snatched the balloon from his hand and it floated off, taking the ring with it.
Hajji chased the balloon for two hours before giving it up as lost as it floated out over the North Sea. "I felt like such a plonker," he told reporters. (Plonker is a silly idiot who is also careless).
Hajji’s girlfriend was furious demanding a new ring or she would call of the engagement. Short of telling his girlfriend to dive into the North Sea to look for the ring, Hajji decided to postpone the engagement until he can afford to buy a new one.
Wake Up Call For Hillary
WASHINGTON, DC: In what will probably become the iconic TV ad of the 2008 presidential campaign, you may recall the TV commercial where a little girl is shown sleeping as a red phone rings at 3:00 a.m. in the White House.
The spot, for Hillary Clinton, was meant to convey that she is ready on day-one to handle crises, and implied that her opponent Barack Obama is not.
The footage in this ad is at least ten years old and came from a video agency stock house. The little girl featured in the ad is today now 17 years old and the Clinton campaign used the footage without bothering to learn more about the girl featured in their ad.
As it turns out, the girl is Casey Knowles of Bonney Lake, WA. Ironically, this past year she has been working for a presidential campaign… Barack Obama's. When a call was made to the Clinton campaign regarding this interesting situation, the inquirer was told that Hillary would not take their call and that he campaign had “no comment.”
And there you have it, the Bottom of the News on this Friday, April 11, 2008. ###
Friday, March 28, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, March 28, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it’s the end of another month and as we head into spring, the warm weather seems to bring out the best in people.
And so, to begin, I want to recognize and thank Bart Woods for filling in as our honorary Rotary Reporter of the bottom of the news last week. He assured me that he would “follow the script” and I’m told he did exactly that. So, Bart, as a token of our appreciation please accept this Honorary Rotary Reporter certificate… (read certificate and give to Bart).
Who Ya Gonna Call? Ghostbusters!
IOWA CITY, Iowa – Johnson County officials have given their informal OK for ghost hunters to check out a one-time insane asylum to see if any spirits live there. The Johnson County Board of Supervisors took the initial action on the request from the local Historical Society, which gives tours of the 153-year-old building.
Brandon Cochran, museum operations assistant for the Historical society, said there have never been reports of ghosts or bizarre happenings at the building and that bringing in a paranormal team is "kind of taking the pre-emptive approach.” Cochran wants an Iowa-based investigative team to come in for one night, but yet hopes they don't find any paranormal activity so the investigation can put to rest any speculation.
As in the movie Ghostbusters, this special team will use thermal imaging equipment and voice recording systems. Biggest concern for the county is potential liability issues before supervisors can formally approve the request.
The building, built in 1855, originally housed insane mentally ill patients and today it houses people with physical and mental disabilities. Officials of the current building do not want the paranormal team disturbing their current residents with their Ghost buster approach. As one county employee noted, “Seems our board in their quest to find “paranormal” activities, seems a bit too paranoid in their approach.”
We have a notable event on this day in history… TMI Accident
The Three Mile Island nuclear accident occurred in Harrisburg, PA, in 1979. Plant operators accidently turned off the water cooling system when a valve failed to close causing a dangerous overheating of the nuclear reactor core, which could have led to a meltdown. A meltdown is the worst case scenario, which is what happened at Chernobyl in Russia in 1986.
TMI was a state-of-the-art reactor lauded for generating affordable and reliable energy in a time of the 70’s energy crisis. Conflicting reports didn’t clarify if the accident was life-threatening, causing the Governor to issue an evacuation of pregnant women and children within a five-mile radius of the plant. Officials tried to calm people’s fears, however, many panicked with more than 100,000 people fleeing the area during the ensuing 48 hours.
President Carter, a trained nuclear engineer, visited TMI with the aim of calming the fears of local residents and the nation. On April 1st it was determined that the accident was minor and that a few plant workers were exposed to unhealthy levels of radiation, but very little radiation had escaped the plant. Nonetheless, the incident greatly eroded our country’s faith in nuclear power. TMI is still shut down to this day and not a single new nuclear power plant has been built since in the United States. FYI, the Chernobyl, Russia accident from half way around the world, actually exposed Harrisburg, PA to more radiation than the incident from Three Mile Island, which was only 10 miles away.
Where did Wireless Phones Begin?
CEDAR RAPIDS, IA: New York scientists recently reported after having dug to a depth of 10 yards recently, that they found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors had developed a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times read: 'California archaeologists find traces of 200 year old copper wire and conclude that their ancestors had a high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than New Yorkers.
One week later, in Cedar Rapids Iowa, their local paper, the Gazette, reported that Louie Voleska, a self-taught archaeologist, said he found absolutely nothing after digging as deep as 30 yards down in corn fields near Palo, IA. Voleska therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Iowa had already gone wireless.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News on this Friday, March 28, 2008. ###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, it’s the end of another month and as we head into spring, the warm weather seems to bring out the best in people.
And so, to begin, I want to recognize and thank Bart Woods for filling in as our honorary Rotary Reporter of the bottom of the news last week. He assured me that he would “follow the script” and I’m told he did exactly that. So, Bart, as a token of our appreciation please accept this Honorary Rotary Reporter certificate… (read certificate and give to Bart).
Who Ya Gonna Call? Ghostbusters!
IOWA CITY, Iowa – Johnson County officials have given their informal OK for ghost hunters to check out a one-time insane asylum to see if any spirits live there. The Johnson County Board of Supervisors took the initial action on the request from the local Historical Society, which gives tours of the 153-year-old building.
Brandon Cochran, museum operations assistant for the Historical society, said there have never been reports of ghosts or bizarre happenings at the building and that bringing in a paranormal team is "kind of taking the pre-emptive approach.” Cochran wants an Iowa-based investigative team to come in for one night, but yet hopes they don't find any paranormal activity so the investigation can put to rest any speculation.
As in the movie Ghostbusters, this special team will use thermal imaging equipment and voice recording systems. Biggest concern for the county is potential liability issues before supervisors can formally approve the request.
The building, built in 1855, originally housed insane mentally ill patients and today it houses people with physical and mental disabilities. Officials of the current building do not want the paranormal team disturbing their current residents with their Ghost buster approach. As one county employee noted, “Seems our board in their quest to find “paranormal” activities, seems a bit too paranoid in their approach.”
We have a notable event on this day in history… TMI Accident
The Three Mile Island nuclear accident occurred in Harrisburg, PA, in 1979. Plant operators accidently turned off the water cooling system when a valve failed to close causing a dangerous overheating of the nuclear reactor core, which could have led to a meltdown. A meltdown is the worst case scenario, which is what happened at Chernobyl in Russia in 1986.
TMI was a state-of-the-art reactor lauded for generating affordable and reliable energy in a time of the 70’s energy crisis. Conflicting reports didn’t clarify if the accident was life-threatening, causing the Governor to issue an evacuation of pregnant women and children within a five-mile radius of the plant. Officials tried to calm people’s fears, however, many panicked with more than 100,000 people fleeing the area during the ensuing 48 hours.
President Carter, a trained nuclear engineer, visited TMI with the aim of calming the fears of local residents and the nation. On April 1st it was determined that the accident was minor and that a few plant workers were exposed to unhealthy levels of radiation, but very little radiation had escaped the plant. Nonetheless, the incident greatly eroded our country’s faith in nuclear power. TMI is still shut down to this day and not a single new nuclear power plant has been built since in the United States. FYI, the Chernobyl, Russia accident from half way around the world, actually exposed Harrisburg, PA to more radiation than the incident from Three Mile Island, which was only 10 miles away.
Where did Wireless Phones Begin?
CEDAR RAPIDS, IA: New York scientists recently reported after having dug to a depth of 10 yards recently, that they found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors had developed a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times read: 'California archaeologists find traces of 200 year old copper wire and conclude that their ancestors had a high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than New Yorkers.
One week later, in Cedar Rapids Iowa, their local paper, the Gazette, reported that Louie Voleska, a self-taught archaeologist, said he found absolutely nothing after digging as deep as 30 yards down in corn fields near Palo, IA. Voleska therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Iowa had already gone wireless.
And there you have it the Bottom of the News on this Friday, March 28, 2008. ###
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, March 20, 2008
Reporter's Note: My thanks to Bart Woods for serving as our Honorary Reporter for this week's edition of the news!
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… It is another wild and wacky month as we head into spring. Here are a few examples of people who have had their “brush with the law” so to speak.
DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO!
Vince Hogg, 45, and Beverley Burns, 42, are notorious in Fife Scotland for their regular “domestic battles” according to a recent report from the local court. In their latest skirmish, Hogg pulled Burns' hair and threw her against a wall.
The prosecutor reported that… "He was angry about the fact a shower was leaking and caused a carpet to get wet,” Hogg pled guilty and got probation rather than jail.
But the prosecutor also told the court that Hogg has to deal with “serious consequences because of his line of work." Hogg has worked for the National Health Service for 27 years, and is "heavily involved" in the Zero Tolerance Campaign Against Domestic Violence. And recently he was promoted to the position of anger management counselor, but that promotion was rescinded after his arrest.
Hogg was suspended temporarily with full pay while he serves out his probation, however, he will return to work at NHS. The judge in the case was concerned that Hogg was taking advantage of the loopholes in "Zero Tolerance" policy and that he did not practice what he taught to kids and adults in his work. It appeared that Hogg, as the maker of rules, did not follow his owning teachings.
BIG SISTER IS WATCHING
To cut down on shoplifting in stores, police in Derbyshire, England, have been providing shops with life-sized cardboard cutouts of one of their active-duty policemen that can be on display in the stores.
Anna Gaskell recently picked up 10 cutouts of herself and said "They're very realistic and looking at ten of me was surreal," she said. The program has been a success, with dramatic reductions in shoplifting in stores where the cutouts are set up, conspicuously watching over shoppers.
There was one notable failure in one shop, however; in the town of Belper, a shop had its cardboard cutout stolen – it was the cardboard cutout of a police dog chasing a suspected robber!
OK BUDDY, WHERE'S THE FIRE?
When the Anchorage Inn in Rouses Point, N.Y., caught fire, the small town at the extreme north tip of the state called for help from neighboring fire departments. The town of Lacolle, which is located right across the border in Canada (just 8 miles away), sent an engine, but it was stopped at the border by a U.S. Customs official.
"I've been crossing this border for 30 years, and the only question we were ever asked was, ‘Where's the fire?’” said Lacolle fire Chief Jean-Pierre Hebert. This time, however, the firefighters were delayed for as long as 15 minutes while they explained why they didn't have their passports in their bunker gear.
"When you're answering a call at midnight, all you think about is putting on your pants," Hebert said. "You don't think about taking your wallet." Two other trucks behind them, also running with lights and sirens, were also delayed.
Hebert said American authorities promised the "isolated incident" would not be repeated. Too late for the restaurant… it burnt to the ground. One local authority commented that the fire probably did more damage that any fire truck-borne terrorists could have accomplished.
And this is the bottom of the news on this Friday March 20, 2008.
Reporter's Note: My thanks to Bart Woods for serving as our Honorary Reporter for this week's edition of the news!
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… It is another wild and wacky month as we head into spring. Here are a few examples of people who have had their “brush with the law” so to speak.
DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO!
Vince Hogg, 45, and Beverley Burns, 42, are notorious in Fife Scotland for their regular “domestic battles” according to a recent report from the local court. In their latest skirmish, Hogg pulled Burns' hair and threw her against a wall.
The prosecutor reported that… "He was angry about the fact a shower was leaking and caused a carpet to get wet,” Hogg pled guilty and got probation rather than jail.
But the prosecutor also told the court that Hogg has to deal with “serious consequences because of his line of work." Hogg has worked for the National Health Service for 27 years, and is "heavily involved" in the Zero Tolerance Campaign Against Domestic Violence. And recently he was promoted to the position of anger management counselor, but that promotion was rescinded after his arrest.
Hogg was suspended temporarily with full pay while he serves out his probation, however, he will return to work at NHS. The judge in the case was concerned that Hogg was taking advantage of the loopholes in "Zero Tolerance" policy and that he did not practice what he taught to kids and adults in his work. It appeared that Hogg, as the maker of rules, did not follow his owning teachings.
BIG SISTER IS WATCHING
To cut down on shoplifting in stores, police in Derbyshire, England, have been providing shops with life-sized cardboard cutouts of one of their active-duty policemen that can be on display in the stores.
Anna Gaskell recently picked up 10 cutouts of herself and said "They're very realistic and looking at ten of me was surreal," she said. The program has been a success, with dramatic reductions in shoplifting in stores where the cutouts are set up, conspicuously watching over shoppers.
There was one notable failure in one shop, however; in the town of Belper, a shop had its cardboard cutout stolen – it was the cardboard cutout of a police dog chasing a suspected robber!
OK BUDDY, WHERE'S THE FIRE?
When the Anchorage Inn in Rouses Point, N.Y., caught fire, the small town at the extreme north tip of the state called for help from neighboring fire departments. The town of Lacolle, which is located right across the border in Canada (just 8 miles away), sent an engine, but it was stopped at the border by a U.S. Customs official.
"I've been crossing this border for 30 years, and the only question we were ever asked was, ‘Where's the fire?’” said Lacolle fire Chief Jean-Pierre Hebert. This time, however, the firefighters were delayed for as long as 15 minutes while they explained why they didn't have their passports in their bunker gear.
"When you're answering a call at midnight, all you think about is putting on your pants," Hebert said. "You don't think about taking your wallet." Two other trucks behind them, also running with lights and sirens, were also delayed.
Hebert said American authorities promised the "isolated incident" would not be repeated. Too late for the restaurant… it burnt to the ground. One local authority commented that the fire probably did more damage that any fire truck-borne terrorists could have accomplished.
And this is the bottom of the news on this Friday March 20, 2008.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, March 14, 2008
Top of the mornin' to ya my fellow Rotarians… Yes, it is the weekend eve of the most beloved holidays and that is St. Patrick’s day, which is the coming Monday.
But first, we have a special recognition for Daryl Spivey. Last week, Daryl volunteered for yours truly during my absence, to report the bottom of the news. I was told it was a special moment in time! And some wondered what qualified Daryl to be our reporter and I want you all to know that our crack Rotary Research Team did their due diligence on Daryl because we needed to make sure he had proper credentials and qualifications.
After considerable searching, it came down to two things… Daryl is trained as a FBI hostage negotiator and he has expertise as a family issues mediator. Hey, we figured if he can deal with those two situations then you can present to this group! As one Daybreaker emailed me… “Daryl is a great guy… so why did you do that to him!?” Hey, I asked and he volunteered!
So, Daryl, we have a token of appreciation that reads as follows… "Presented to Daryl Spivey; you are commended for the courage required to stand before your peers in the reporting of the bottom of the news. The Rotary News Team herby bestows upon you the title of "Honorary Rotary Reporter" to thank you for your service above self. (gave certificate to Daryl).
Okay, here are a few things of note regarding St. Patrick’s Day…
It started as a Christian and Catholic holiday in honor of St. Patrick (who was known for driving all the snakes off of the island of Ireland AND later in his life he introduced Christianity to the Irish around 400 AD. It is believed that March 17th is the date of St. Patrick’s death. Today, St. Patrick’s Day is one of the biggest celebrated holidays around the world. As the sign I saw last year in the Guinness Brewery says in Dublin… “Everyone is Irish on March 17th.”
Saint Patrick's Day celebrations in the U.S. were stated by Irish immigrants with the first parade in Boston, MA 1737, New York City, 1756 and Savannah, GA 1813, which last year boasted the largest US attendance at 750,000 people.
As a church holiday it has been celebrated in Ireland since the 1700’s. Last year Dublin’s 5-day festival had over a half a million people attending; Ireland’s total population is just over 4 million, but their festival only started in 1996 as an official Ireland government campaign using the holiday to showcase Ireland’s culture and to spur economic development. Ireland now is encouraging people of Irish decent to return to their homeland during the month on March annually.
The shortest St Patrick's Day parade in the world takes place between two pubs in a tiny Irish village. In the town of Dripsey, County Cork (on SW coast), their parade only runs 100 yards from the Weigh Inn to the Lee Valley Inn. The Postmaster Dermot O`Leary dresses up as St Patrick and they have 30 groups in the parade.
In the US… Chicago dyes its river green, Indianapolis dyes its main canal green and Savannah dyes its downtown city fountains green. At the University of Missouri Rolla Alumni paint 12 city blocks kelly green with mops before their annual parade.
Although Saint Patrick's Day has the color green as its theme, one little known fact is that blue was once the color associated with this day.
Corned beef and cabbage is the most common meal eaten in the US for St. Patrick's Day, even though historically, corned beef and cabbage is an American (rather than a traditionally Irish) meal.
And finally, if you drive on St. Patrick's Day you are 20% more likely to be killed or injured in an alcohol-related crash than on other days. So, be careful this coming Monday and remember to wear green if you don’t like to be pinched!
And there you have it, our Irish Bottom of the News! A top O the morning to ya… on this Friday, March 14, 2008. ###
Top of the mornin' to ya my fellow Rotarians… Yes, it is the weekend eve of the most beloved holidays and that is St. Patrick’s day, which is the coming Monday.
But first, we have a special recognition for Daryl Spivey. Last week, Daryl volunteered for yours truly during my absence, to report the bottom of the news. I was told it was a special moment in time! And some wondered what qualified Daryl to be our reporter and I want you all to know that our crack Rotary Research Team did their due diligence on Daryl because we needed to make sure he had proper credentials and qualifications.
After considerable searching, it came down to two things… Daryl is trained as a FBI hostage negotiator and he has expertise as a family issues mediator. Hey, we figured if he can deal with those two situations then you can present to this group! As one Daybreaker emailed me… “Daryl is a great guy… so why did you do that to him!?” Hey, I asked and he volunteered!
So, Daryl, we have a token of appreciation that reads as follows… "Presented to Daryl Spivey; you are commended for the courage required to stand before your peers in the reporting of the bottom of the news. The Rotary News Team herby bestows upon you the title of "Honorary Rotary Reporter" to thank you for your service above self. (gave certificate to Daryl).
Okay, here are a few things of note regarding St. Patrick’s Day…
It started as a Christian and Catholic holiday in honor of St. Patrick (who was known for driving all the snakes off of the island of Ireland AND later in his life he introduced Christianity to the Irish around 400 AD. It is believed that March 17th is the date of St. Patrick’s death. Today, St. Patrick’s Day is one of the biggest celebrated holidays around the world. As the sign I saw last year in the Guinness Brewery says in Dublin… “Everyone is Irish on March 17th.”
Saint Patrick's Day celebrations in the U.S. were stated by Irish immigrants with the first parade in Boston, MA 1737, New York City, 1756 and Savannah, GA 1813, which last year boasted the largest US attendance at 750,000 people.
As a church holiday it has been celebrated in Ireland since the 1700’s. Last year Dublin’s 5-day festival had over a half a million people attending; Ireland’s total population is just over 4 million, but their festival only started in 1996 as an official Ireland government campaign using the holiday to showcase Ireland’s culture and to spur economic development. Ireland now is encouraging people of Irish decent to return to their homeland during the month on March annually.
The shortest St Patrick's Day parade in the world takes place between two pubs in a tiny Irish village. In the town of Dripsey, County Cork (on SW coast), their parade only runs 100 yards from the Weigh Inn to the Lee Valley Inn. The Postmaster Dermot O`Leary dresses up as St Patrick and they have 30 groups in the parade.
In the US… Chicago dyes its river green, Indianapolis dyes its main canal green and Savannah dyes its downtown city fountains green. At the University of Missouri Rolla Alumni paint 12 city blocks kelly green with mops before their annual parade.
Although Saint Patrick's Day has the color green as its theme, one little known fact is that blue was once the color associated with this day.
Corned beef and cabbage is the most common meal eaten in the US for St. Patrick's Day, even though historically, corned beef and cabbage is an American (rather than a traditionally Irish) meal.
And finally, if you drive on St. Patrick's Day you are 20% more likely to be killed or injured in an alcohol-related crash than on other days. So, be careful this coming Monday and remember to wear green if you don’t like to be pinched!
And there you have it, our Irish Bottom of the News! A top O the morning to ya… on this Friday, March 14, 2008. ###
Friday, February 29, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, February 29, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Yes today is one of those rare days… Leap Day, February 29th.
A leap year has 366 days because the actual length of a year is 365.242 days, not 365 days. Leap years are every 4 years with a few exceptions involving century years, like the year 1900. Since the year is slightly less than 365.25 days long, adding an extra day every 4 years results in about 3 extra days being added over a period of 400 years. So, only 1 of every 4 century years is considered as a leap year. Thus 1700, 1800, 1900 were not leap years, and 2100 and 2400 will not be leap years.
The town of Anthony, TX, organizes a leap year festival to celebrate leap year and leap year babies. It proudly calls itself the leap year capital of the world and leap year “babies”, or leaplings from around the world come to its annual parade and festival.
There is also a lot of superstition and interesting tales that abound about leap years and the date itself. For instance, in Greece, people believe it is bad luck to get married in a leap year.
Superstitious Chinese believe that more accidents and mishaps occur during the leap month in the lunar calendar. They also think that children born in that month are harder to bring up. And most Chinese will not start a business nor get married in a February leap month.
In Ireland, women can propose to a man. This dates back to the fifth century when Saint Brigit complained to St Patrick that women had to wait too long for men to propose marriage, and so St Patrick decided that in a leap year, women could take the initiative.
Scotland enacted a law in 1288 (authorized by the unmarried five-year-old Queen Margaret) that allowed women the right to corner a man with a proposal. Men who refused would have to pay a fine in the form of a kiss, a silk dress or a pair of gloves. So, guys, which would you have preferred?
In Australia, over 20 per cent of women support the tradition which says they can propose during a leap year and men are told they cannot refuse such an offer.
In the US a custom was born from the famous comic strip L’il Abner where in the fictional town of Dogpatch, Sadie Hawkins could never attract a husband because she was ugly. Her father set up a day each year when women could literally chase after the bachelors around town in a race. The unlucky guys caught would have to marry the women who nabbed them. While the event was held in November in the comic strip, it evolved into a tradition tied it in to Feb 29. Thus, Sadie Hawkins and WPA dances are popular in late February.
Did you know? • If there were no leap years, after 500 years, we would be celebrating Christmas in August. • The odds of being born on a leap day are one in 1,461, according to The Honor Society of Leap Year Day Babies. • There are roughly 208,000 leap babies in the United States and 4.5 million in the world.
HOW cool would it be if you were born on Feb 29? You could be 80 and still tell everyone you’ve only celebrated 20 birthdays. Okay to close, here are a few celebrities born on Feb 29…
Dinah Shore, singer and actress
Jimmy Dorsey, American musician and bandleader
Anthony Robbins, motivational speaker
And Superman, according to a Time magazine a few years back, his birthday is on Feb 29. No wonder he never ages!
And there you have it, your once-every-four-years LEAP YEAR Bottom of the News… on this Leap Friday, February 29, 2008. ###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Yes today is one of those rare days… Leap Day, February 29th.
A leap year has 366 days because the actual length of a year is 365.242 days, not 365 days. Leap years are every 4 years with a few exceptions involving century years, like the year 1900. Since the year is slightly less than 365.25 days long, adding an extra day every 4 years results in about 3 extra days being added over a period of 400 years. So, only 1 of every 4 century years is considered as a leap year. Thus 1700, 1800, 1900 were not leap years, and 2100 and 2400 will not be leap years.
The town of Anthony, TX, organizes a leap year festival to celebrate leap year and leap year babies. It proudly calls itself the leap year capital of the world and leap year “babies”, or leaplings from around the world come to its annual parade and festival.
There is also a lot of superstition and interesting tales that abound about leap years and the date itself. For instance, in Greece, people believe it is bad luck to get married in a leap year.
Superstitious Chinese believe that more accidents and mishaps occur during the leap month in the lunar calendar. They also think that children born in that month are harder to bring up. And most Chinese will not start a business nor get married in a February leap month.
In Ireland, women can propose to a man. This dates back to the fifth century when Saint Brigit complained to St Patrick that women had to wait too long for men to propose marriage, and so St Patrick decided that in a leap year, women could take the initiative.
Scotland enacted a law in 1288 (authorized by the unmarried five-year-old Queen Margaret) that allowed women the right to corner a man with a proposal. Men who refused would have to pay a fine in the form of a kiss, a silk dress or a pair of gloves. So, guys, which would you have preferred?
In Australia, over 20 per cent of women support the tradition which says they can propose during a leap year and men are told they cannot refuse such an offer.
In the US a custom was born from the famous comic strip L’il Abner where in the fictional town of Dogpatch, Sadie Hawkins could never attract a husband because she was ugly. Her father set up a day each year when women could literally chase after the bachelors around town in a race. The unlucky guys caught would have to marry the women who nabbed them. While the event was held in November in the comic strip, it evolved into a tradition tied it in to Feb 29. Thus, Sadie Hawkins and WPA dances are popular in late February.
Did you know? • If there were no leap years, after 500 years, we would be celebrating Christmas in August. • The odds of being born on a leap day are one in 1,461, according to The Honor Society of Leap Year Day Babies. • There are roughly 208,000 leap babies in the United States and 4.5 million in the world.
HOW cool would it be if you were born on Feb 29? You could be 80 and still tell everyone you’ve only celebrated 20 birthdays. Okay to close, here are a few celebrities born on Feb 29…
Dinah Shore, singer and actress
Jimmy Dorsey, American musician and bandleader
Anthony Robbins, motivational speaker
And Superman, according to a Time magazine a few years back, his birthday is on Feb 29. No wonder he never ages!
And there you have it, your once-every-four-years LEAP YEAR Bottom of the News… on this Leap Friday, February 29, 2008. ###
Friday, February 22, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, February 22, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… This morning I am happy to report that the Stella Awards for 2007 were announced this week. You may recall that these awards were inspired by Stella Liebeck. In 1992, Stella, at the age of 79, spilled a cup of McDonald's hot coffee onto her lap, burning herself. A New Mexico jury awarded her $2.9 million in damages.
Ever since, the name "Stella Award" has been applied to any wild, outrageous, or ridiculous lawsuits -- including bogus cases! However, I tell you with great confidence that our crack Rotarian Research Team only seeks out the truth!
2nd Runner Up: Sentry Insurance Company
Sentry Insurance Company provided worker's compensation insurance for a Wisconsin "Meals on Wheels" program. Delivering a meal, a Wheels volunteer (who was allegedly not even wearing boots) slipped and fell on a participant's driveway that had been cleared of snow. Sentry had to pay to care for the volunteer’s resulting injuries. A key point is that the Wheels volunteer did not sue, but rather the insurance company did because they paid the claim and then decided they wanted their money back. So, they sued the 81-year-old homeowner getting the Meals on Wheels service. They could have simply filed for "subrogation" from her homeowner's insurance company, but by naming her in the action they dragged an old lady into court. Ultimately this action reinforces the image of insurance companies only being concerned only about their bottom line and not "protecting" their policyholders from loss.
1st Runner Up: The family of Robert Hornbeck
Hornbeck volunteered for the Army and served a stint in Iraq. After getting home, one night he got drunk, wandered into a hotel's service area (passing "DANGER" warning signs), crawled into an air conditioning unit, and was severely cut when the machinery activated. Unable to care for himself due to his drunkenness, he bled to death.
A tragedy, to be sure, but one solely caused by a supposedly responsible adult with military training. Despite his irresponsible behavior -- and his perhaps criminal trespassing -- Hornbeck's family sued the hotel for $10 million, as if it's reasonably foreseeable that a drunk fool would ignore warning signs and climb into its heavy duty machinery to sleep off his bender.
And the 2007 Stella Winner is… Roy L. Pearson Jr., Attorney & Judge
This 57-year-old Administrative Law Judge from Washington DC claims that a dry cleaner lost a pair of his pants, so he sued the mom-and-pop business for $65 million. That's right, more than $65 million for one pair of pants.
Representing himself, Judge Pearson cried in court over the loss of his pants, whining that there certainly isn't a more compelling case in the District archives. But the Superior Court judge wasn't moved: he called the case "vexatious litigation" (2. brought with intention of annoying: describes legal proceedings put forward on insufficient grounds and with the intention of causing annoyance to the defendant). Pearson was scolded for his "bad faith", and then the Superior Court awarded damages to the dry cleaners.
But Pearson didn't take no for an answer, he is appealing the decision. And he has plenty of time on his hands because he was dismissed from his job and is currently under review to be disbarred. As of last report, Pearson's appeal is still pending. Wow, $65 million for the loss of a pair of pants… That is a true Stella Award!
And there you have it, the top three most absurd law suits of 2007. Truly, the bottom of the news on this Friday, February 22, 2008. ###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… This morning I am happy to report that the Stella Awards for 2007 were announced this week. You may recall that these awards were inspired by Stella Liebeck. In 1992, Stella, at the age of 79, spilled a cup of McDonald's hot coffee onto her lap, burning herself. A New Mexico jury awarded her $2.9 million in damages.
Ever since, the name "Stella Award" has been applied to any wild, outrageous, or ridiculous lawsuits -- including bogus cases! However, I tell you with great confidence that our crack Rotarian Research Team only seeks out the truth!
2nd Runner Up: Sentry Insurance Company
Sentry Insurance Company provided worker's compensation insurance for a Wisconsin "Meals on Wheels" program. Delivering a meal, a Wheels volunteer (who was allegedly not even wearing boots) slipped and fell on a participant's driveway that had been cleared of snow. Sentry had to pay to care for the volunteer’s resulting injuries. A key point is that the Wheels volunteer did not sue, but rather the insurance company did because they paid the claim and then decided they wanted their money back. So, they sued the 81-year-old homeowner getting the Meals on Wheels service. They could have simply filed for "subrogation" from her homeowner's insurance company, but by naming her in the action they dragged an old lady into court. Ultimately this action reinforces the image of insurance companies only being concerned only about their bottom line and not "protecting" their policyholders from loss.
1st Runner Up: The family of Robert Hornbeck
Hornbeck volunteered for the Army and served a stint in Iraq. After getting home, one night he got drunk, wandered into a hotel's service area (passing "DANGER" warning signs), crawled into an air conditioning unit, and was severely cut when the machinery activated. Unable to care for himself due to his drunkenness, he bled to death.
A tragedy, to be sure, but one solely caused by a supposedly responsible adult with military training. Despite his irresponsible behavior -- and his perhaps criminal trespassing -- Hornbeck's family sued the hotel for $10 million, as if it's reasonably foreseeable that a drunk fool would ignore warning signs and climb into its heavy duty machinery to sleep off his bender.
And the 2007 Stella Winner is… Roy L. Pearson Jr., Attorney & Judge
This 57-year-old Administrative Law Judge from Washington DC claims that a dry cleaner lost a pair of his pants, so he sued the mom-and-pop business for $65 million. That's right, more than $65 million for one pair of pants.
Representing himself, Judge Pearson cried in court over the loss of his pants, whining that there certainly isn't a more compelling case in the District archives. But the Superior Court judge wasn't moved: he called the case "vexatious litigation" (2. brought with intention of annoying: describes legal proceedings put forward on insufficient grounds and with the intention of causing annoyance to the defendant). Pearson was scolded for his "bad faith", and then the Superior Court awarded damages to the dry cleaners.
But Pearson didn't take no for an answer, he is appealing the decision. And he has plenty of time on his hands because he was dismissed from his job and is currently under review to be disbarred. As of last report, Pearson's appeal is still pending. Wow, $65 million for the loss of a pair of pants… That is a true Stella Award!
And there you have it, the top three most absurd law suits of 2007. Truly, the bottom of the news on this Friday, February 22, 2008. ###
Friday, February 15, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, February 15, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, as we all know February is the LOVE month, but for some there may have been some broken hearts yesterday and our first story highlights how an enterprising young woman was able to create an opportunity for romance gone bad…
Requiem to a Valentine: Dead Love Affairs Gain "Obituaries"
New York, NY (AHN) -- Finally, someone has an answer to the age-old question: "Where do broken hearts go?" A 38-year-old radio reporter from New York City created what she thought was a fitting resting place for broken hearts and dead love affairs.
Kathleen Horan (not to be confused with our very own fellow Daybreaker!) said relationshipobit.com is a website that can serve as an online memory vault where people can make a final record of romances and relationships that have sadly fizzled out. Guests are encouraged to "bury" their burdens by writing or posting "obituaries" to help them heal and move on. Entries may also be kept anonymous.
Horan came up with the idea when she found it oddly comforting to write an obituary about her two-year relationship which had just ended. She adds that it may sound "goofy" to some, but the experience actually made her feel like she could "finally cremate the thing and move on".
Relationshipobit.com was launched just this week by Horan and quickly became a hot website with nearly 100,000 hits in the past 3-4 days.
Saudi Arabia Prohibits Sale of Red Roses, Other Red Items for One Week
Saudi Arabia (AHN) -- A traditional symbol of Valentine's Day, red roses, were banned again this year in Saudi Arabia until yesterday, February 14th. The prohibition also includes the sale of other red items such as gift wrappers, hearts, and Valentine’s candy that promotes the romantic holiday.
Shop owners and retailers were advised by the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice to remove all reminders of Valentine’s Day from their shelves earlier this month. The commission believes that these things and Valentine’s Day specifically is considered un-Islamic and (quote) “…leads to relations outside of marriage.”
The prohibition led to a spike in the price of red roses on the underground market. Florists around the country have been delivering flowers in the middle of the night for the past week so they would not be seen during the daytime.
The ban occurs annually; so many couples order red roses a week or two ahead of the holiday and online love greetings have increased as well. Also, many Saudi romantics will fly out to more liberal Middle Eastern countries like Bahrain and the United Arab Emirates to celebrate Valentines Day.
A spokesman for the Prevention of Vice Commission said they only celebrate two religious holidays in Saudi; celebrations of all other holidays are banned.
Biscuits Wanted for Attempted Murder (the actual AP headline)
San Diego, CA – Linda Burnett, 23, of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, and made a trip to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed holding both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer became concerned when he passed by the car for a second time about an hour later when he then noticed that Burnett’s eyes were open with a horrified look on her face. He asked her if she was okay, and she replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for what seemed like an eternity!
The man immediately called paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Burnett refused to move her hands. When they finally got in, they found that Burnett had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise sounding like a gunshot. The explosion caused a wad of dough to hit her in the head and when she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. Initially she passed out, but quickly recovered and ended up holding on to her “brains” in for over an hour until she could get help.
My thanks to Jim Angstman for passing on this story, however please know that my censors had to remove all political comments before I could present it to you today in an unbiased fashion…
And that’s the strange, the weird and yet often times true… bottom of the news for Friday February 15, 2008. ###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, as we all know February is the LOVE month, but for some there may have been some broken hearts yesterday and our first story highlights how an enterprising young woman was able to create an opportunity for romance gone bad…
Requiem to a Valentine: Dead Love Affairs Gain "Obituaries"
New York, NY (AHN) -- Finally, someone has an answer to the age-old question: "Where do broken hearts go?" A 38-year-old radio reporter from New York City created what she thought was a fitting resting place for broken hearts and dead love affairs.
Kathleen Horan (not to be confused with our very own fellow Daybreaker!) said relationshipobit.com is a website that can serve as an online memory vault where people can make a final record of romances and relationships that have sadly fizzled out. Guests are encouraged to "bury" their burdens by writing or posting "obituaries" to help them heal and move on. Entries may also be kept anonymous.
Horan came up with the idea when she found it oddly comforting to write an obituary about her two-year relationship which had just ended. She adds that it may sound "goofy" to some, but the experience actually made her feel like she could "finally cremate the thing and move on".
Relationshipobit.com was launched just this week by Horan and quickly became a hot website with nearly 100,000 hits in the past 3-4 days.
Saudi Arabia Prohibits Sale of Red Roses, Other Red Items for One Week
Saudi Arabia (AHN) -- A traditional symbol of Valentine's Day, red roses, were banned again this year in Saudi Arabia until yesterday, February 14th. The prohibition also includes the sale of other red items such as gift wrappers, hearts, and Valentine’s candy that promotes the romantic holiday.
Shop owners and retailers were advised by the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice to remove all reminders of Valentine’s Day from their shelves earlier this month. The commission believes that these things and Valentine’s Day specifically is considered un-Islamic and (quote) “…leads to relations outside of marriage.”
The prohibition led to a spike in the price of red roses on the underground market. Florists around the country have been delivering flowers in the middle of the night for the past week so they would not be seen during the daytime.
The ban occurs annually; so many couples order red roses a week or two ahead of the holiday and online love greetings have increased as well. Also, many Saudi romantics will fly out to more liberal Middle Eastern countries like Bahrain and the United Arab Emirates to celebrate Valentines Day.
A spokesman for the Prevention of Vice Commission said they only celebrate two religious holidays in Saudi; celebrations of all other holidays are banned.
Biscuits Wanted for Attempted Murder (the actual AP headline)
San Diego, CA – Linda Burnett, 23, of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, and made a trip to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed holding both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer became concerned when he passed by the car for a second time about an hour later when he then noticed that Burnett’s eyes were open with a horrified look on her face. He asked her if she was okay, and she replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for what seemed like an eternity!
The man immediately called paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Burnett refused to move her hands. When they finally got in, they found that Burnett had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise sounding like a gunshot. The explosion caused a wad of dough to hit her in the head and when she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. Initially she passed out, but quickly recovered and ended up holding on to her “brains” in for over an hour until she could get help.
My thanks to Jim Angstman for passing on this story, however please know that my censors had to remove all political comments before I could present it to you today in an unbiased fashion…
And that’s the strange, the weird and yet often times true… bottom of the news for Friday February 15, 2008. ###
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, February 8, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, as I mentioned last week, February is considered the “LOVE Month!” So, in honor of St. Valentine and all you hopeless romantics, I thought I’d share a few items on the topic of Love…
First, we flash back to CASEY KASEM’S TOP 10 “Love Songs” of the ‘70’s…
10. I Think I Love You - PARTRIDGE FAMILY
9. I Honestly Love You - OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN
8. Love Will Keep Us Together - THE CAPTAIN & TENNILLE
7. Ain’t No Mountain High Enough - DIANA ROSS
6. My Love - PAUL McCartney & WINGS
5. Best of My Love - THE EMOTIONS
4. Silly Little Love Songs - PAUL McCartney & WINGS
3. How Deep is Your Love - BEE GEES
2. The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face - ROBERTA FLACK
1. You Light Up My Life - DEBBIE BOONE
And now I have a special treat… Our crack research team went to work interviewing family members and childhood friends of a few Rotarians to learn their views on Love & Marriage when they were kids…
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." – Steve Carpenter, age 7
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." – Jim Angstman, age 8
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. Maybe that's why perfume, make-up and deodorant are so popular." – Angie Nowak, age 9
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." – Brian Brown, age 8
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I’m having too much fun with skateboards and BMX’s, plus I'm finding fourth grade hard enough!" – Bart Woods, age 10
"A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together, yech!" – Kathy Horan, age 7
"Being single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mom and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." – Sarah Fare, age 10
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." – Paul Phelan, age 8
"Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one." – Michele Boyer, age 11
"Love is the most important thing in the world, but my Dad told me that baseball is pretty good too and I believe him!" – Jon Cushing, age 8
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble. "– Pat Shey, age 7
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a man!" –Julie Schmitt, age 5
So for you guys who are romantically inept, grab your PDA right now to make a date with your valentine (and make sure you wear clean socks)! And ladies, you may just have to cut your guy some slack because they just can’t help it!
And this is our special Valentine’s edition of the bottom of the news on this Friday February 8, 2008. Thank you!
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, as I mentioned last week, February is considered the “LOVE Month!” So, in honor of St. Valentine and all you hopeless romantics, I thought I’d share a few items on the topic of Love…
First, we flash back to CASEY KASEM’S TOP 10 “Love Songs” of the ‘70’s…
10. I Think I Love You - PARTRIDGE FAMILY
9. I Honestly Love You - OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN
8. Love Will Keep Us Together - THE CAPTAIN & TENNILLE
7. Ain’t No Mountain High Enough - DIANA ROSS
6. My Love - PAUL McCartney & WINGS
5. Best of My Love - THE EMOTIONS
4. Silly Little Love Songs - PAUL McCartney & WINGS
3. How Deep is Your Love - BEE GEES
2. The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face - ROBERTA FLACK
1. You Light Up My Life - DEBBIE BOONE
And now I have a special treat… Our crack research team went to work interviewing family members and childhood friends of a few Rotarians to learn their views on Love & Marriage when they were kids…
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." – Steve Carpenter, age 7
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." – Jim Angstman, age 8
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. Maybe that's why perfume, make-up and deodorant are so popular." – Angie Nowak, age 9
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." – Brian Brown, age 8
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I’m having too much fun with skateboards and BMX’s, plus I'm finding fourth grade hard enough!" – Bart Woods, age 10
"A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together, yech!" – Kathy Horan, age 7
"Being single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mom and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." – Sarah Fare, age 10
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." – Paul Phelan, age 8
"Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one." – Michele Boyer, age 11
"Love is the most important thing in the world, but my Dad told me that baseball is pretty good too and I believe him!" – Jon Cushing, age 8
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble. "– Pat Shey, age 7
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a man!" –Julie Schmitt, age 5
So for you guys who are romantically inept, grab your PDA right now to make a date with your valentine (and make sure you wear clean socks)! And ladies, you may just have to cut your guy some slack because they just can’t help it!
And this is our special Valentine’s edition of the bottom of the news on this Friday February 8, 2008. Thank you!
###
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, February 1, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, let me be the first to say happy February 1st to ya! Welcome to the month of LOVE… More on that later. So let’s jump right in to some bottom stories…
Cow falls 200 feet, lands on minivan's hood!
MANSON, IA -- A cow fell about 200 feet off a cliff on a Sunday afternoon and landed on the hood of a minivan passing by Rocky Point about one mile east of Manson.
Charles Everson Jr. and his wife Linda escaped injury. "It was just 'bam'-- you just saw something come down and hit the hood," said Mr. Everson. He and his wife were in the area from the Detroit area, to celebrate their one-year anniversary, he said. They were on Highway 150 headed back to their hotel after attending a church service.
Everson, 49, said he didn't actually see the animal until it hit -- and didn't realize what had happened until after the impact. "I'm like, 'I don't believe this. I don't believe this. I don't believe this,' “Everson said, adding he repeated the phrase "about 20 times."
According to Arnold Baker, Chelan County Fire Chief, the cow was a heifer estimated to weigh about 600 pounds and he was one year old.
“What is funny, but not really,” said Baker, “is that it was such a close call. Inches different and the couple in this car would have been killed.”
The fire chief found it interesting that the Eversons did not stop right away when the cow hit them, but drove about another mile after the collision before pulling over, and were then they taken to Lake Chelan Community Hospital as a precaution. The van… well, just imagine the force of a 600 pound cow hitting your car from 200 feel in the air. It was totaled.
Forget the fire department. And don't call NASA in Urbandale…
A rocket, and the flames that spit inside it, is supposed to be on the roof of Urbandale High School. Of course some of the neighbors did not know that when they started calling 911.
The "rocket" is a portable heater that protects paint and drywall from cold weather during a construction project. Workers for the contractor noticed the device's resemblance to a rocket, so they decided to take the joke one step further with space-age fins and NASA logos. The result was a goof on the roof.
"It's a Saturn VII, can't you read?" said John Lees, the super visor for maintenance and construction. Unfortunately, many of the neighbors did not know that Lees was joking when he suggested that federal space officials should be called to see if they had lost something important.
The explanation is, well, "not rocket science," John Lees. The flames inside the heater put off an orange glow that faces the houses to the north of the school. That sparked the 911 call, fire officials said.
Neighbors can rest assured, Lees said, because the heater has an automatic shutoff. There's no danger of a fire -- or a visit from NASA officials.
Midgets in suitcases rifling bus travelers' bags
From London's Telegraph comes this weird crime story. Criminal gangs are using midgets in a ruse to steal from the luggage holds of buses on long-distance trips by hiding them inside suitcases, according to police.
The bizarre crime is on the rise in Sweden and officers say thieves have gotten away with thousands of pounds in cash, jewelry and other valuables in recent months.
Gangs are said to sneak the midgets into the luggage hold, hidden inside baggage. Then, once the journey has begun, the stowaways are free to rifle through the bags of other passengers without fear of being apprehended.
Before the bus arrives at its destination the midgets take their loot back into their suitcase, zip themselves inside and wait to be collected by their partners in crime.
And that is the latest from the strange, the weird and the wacky bottom of the news on this Friday February 1, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, let me be the first to say happy February 1st to ya! Welcome to the month of LOVE… More on that later. So let’s jump right in to some bottom stories…
Cow falls 200 feet, lands on minivan's hood!
MANSON, IA -- A cow fell about 200 feet off a cliff on a Sunday afternoon and landed on the hood of a minivan passing by Rocky Point about one mile east of Manson.
Charles Everson Jr. and his wife Linda escaped injury. "It was just 'bam'-- you just saw something come down and hit the hood," said Mr. Everson. He and his wife were in the area from the Detroit area, to celebrate their one-year anniversary, he said. They were on Highway 150 headed back to their hotel after attending a church service.
Everson, 49, said he didn't actually see the animal until it hit -- and didn't realize what had happened until after the impact. "I'm like, 'I don't believe this. I don't believe this. I don't believe this,' “Everson said, adding he repeated the phrase "about 20 times."
According to Arnold Baker, Chelan County Fire Chief, the cow was a heifer estimated to weigh about 600 pounds and he was one year old.
“What is funny, but not really,” said Baker, “is that it was such a close call. Inches different and the couple in this car would have been killed.”
The fire chief found it interesting that the Eversons did not stop right away when the cow hit them, but drove about another mile after the collision before pulling over, and were then they taken to Lake Chelan Community Hospital as a precaution. The van… well, just imagine the force of a 600 pound cow hitting your car from 200 feel in the air. It was totaled.
Forget the fire department. And don't call NASA in Urbandale…
A rocket, and the flames that spit inside it, is supposed to be on the roof of Urbandale High School. Of course some of the neighbors did not know that when they started calling 911.
The "rocket" is a portable heater that protects paint and drywall from cold weather during a construction project. Workers for the contractor noticed the device's resemblance to a rocket, so they decided to take the joke one step further with space-age fins and NASA logos. The result was a goof on the roof.
"It's a Saturn VII, can't you read?" said John Lees, the super visor for maintenance and construction. Unfortunately, many of the neighbors did not know that Lees was joking when he suggested that federal space officials should be called to see if they had lost something important.
The explanation is, well, "not rocket science," John Lees. The flames inside the heater put off an orange glow that faces the houses to the north of the school. That sparked the 911 call, fire officials said.
Neighbors can rest assured, Lees said, because the heater has an automatic shutoff. There's no danger of a fire -- or a visit from NASA officials.
Midgets in suitcases rifling bus travelers' bags
From London's Telegraph comes this weird crime story. Criminal gangs are using midgets in a ruse to steal from the luggage holds of buses on long-distance trips by hiding them inside suitcases, according to police.
The bizarre crime is on the rise in Sweden and officers say thieves have gotten away with thousands of pounds in cash, jewelry and other valuables in recent months.
Gangs are said to sneak the midgets into the luggage hold, hidden inside baggage. Then, once the journey has begun, the stowaways are free to rifle through the bags of other passengers without fear of being apprehended.
Before the bus arrives at its destination the midgets take their loot back into their suitcase, zip themselves inside and wait to be collected by their partners in crime.
And that is the latest from the strange, the weird and the wacky bottom of the news on this Friday February 1, 2008.
###
Friday, January 25, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, January 25, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, at the end of year there a all kinds of Top 10 lists and today I thought I’d share some of the top oddball stories from 2007.
A Major Head Case In Germany… Margret Wegner underwent surgery to remove a pencil that had been stuck inside her head for 55 years. The German woman had suffered from chronic headaches and nosebleeds after falling at age 4 with a 4” pencil in hand. For years doctors would not take the risk to remove it until technology improved and this summer surgeons in Berlin finally were able to remove the pencil.
A Need for Bigger Buoys? In Australia… Some women in the Australian Navy received free breast implants this past year paid for by their government. The Navy said the cosmetic surgeries were carried out for psychological reasons for female sailors. Politicians were up in arms over taxpayers footing the bill calling the government-funded breast enhancements a "questionable practice."
Managing Road RageIn Rome… The Vatican issued their 10 Commandments to help drivers manage road rage in a 36-page document titled "Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road." Stating that driving brings out the "primitive" side of man and cars creating "occasions of sin." The guidelines stressed the importance of respecting speed limits and not using cell phones while driving. However they also encourage praying while driving, which some argued could be an even bigger distraction than cell phone usage.
Sleepwalking in the Buff In the UK… The Travellodge hotel chain Travelodge a seven-fold increase in sleepwalking from 2006 to 2007. They noted that 95% of the walkers were naked men. As a result, the hotel re-issued its annual sleepwalker guidelines to help hotel staff better handle the walkers. To begin, they kept towels behind the desk so men could cover up and protect their dignity.
No Ho Ho Ho’s!In Australia… Santas in Australia were told to stop saying "ho ho ho" and to use "ha ha ha" instead. The traditional phrase was banned because it might be offensive to women. The Aussie Santa training center maintains that it was only a suggestion, and that the greeting was left up to the discretion of each Santa.
A Synonym for Streetwalker In London… British legislators removed the word "prostitute" from criminal statutes, a term that had been around for 180 or so years. The Justice Ministry argued that the word carries too much social stigma. The new phrase will be… “persons who sell sex persistently," which is defined as twice or more within a three-month period of time.
Wee Wii Competion is Fatal In California… A radio station water-drinking contest ended in tragedy in January with Jennifer Strange, age 28, died from drinking too much water. The grand prize was a Nintendo Wii. It was part of a contest entitled "Hold Your Wee for a Wii."
And those were to top strange, weird and oddball stories of 2007 as a part of today’s bottom of the news on this Friday January 25, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well, at the end of year there a all kinds of Top 10 lists and today I thought I’d share some of the top oddball stories from 2007.
A Major Head Case In Germany… Margret Wegner underwent surgery to remove a pencil that had been stuck inside her head for 55 years. The German woman had suffered from chronic headaches and nosebleeds after falling at age 4 with a 4” pencil in hand. For years doctors would not take the risk to remove it until technology improved and this summer surgeons in Berlin finally were able to remove the pencil.
A Need for Bigger Buoys? In Australia… Some women in the Australian Navy received free breast implants this past year paid for by their government. The Navy said the cosmetic surgeries were carried out for psychological reasons for female sailors. Politicians were up in arms over taxpayers footing the bill calling the government-funded breast enhancements a "questionable practice."
Managing Road RageIn Rome… The Vatican issued their 10 Commandments to help drivers manage road rage in a 36-page document titled "Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road." Stating that driving brings out the "primitive" side of man and cars creating "occasions of sin." The guidelines stressed the importance of respecting speed limits and not using cell phones while driving. However they also encourage praying while driving, which some argued could be an even bigger distraction than cell phone usage.
Sleepwalking in the Buff In the UK… The Travellodge hotel chain Travelodge a seven-fold increase in sleepwalking from 2006 to 2007. They noted that 95% of the walkers were naked men. As a result, the hotel re-issued its annual sleepwalker guidelines to help hotel staff better handle the walkers. To begin, they kept towels behind the desk so men could cover up and protect their dignity.
No Ho Ho Ho’s!In Australia… Santas in Australia were told to stop saying "ho ho ho" and to use "ha ha ha" instead. The traditional phrase was banned because it might be offensive to women. The Aussie Santa training center maintains that it was only a suggestion, and that the greeting was left up to the discretion of each Santa.
A Synonym for Streetwalker In London… British legislators removed the word "prostitute" from criminal statutes, a term that had been around for 180 or so years. The Justice Ministry argued that the word carries too much social stigma. The new phrase will be… “persons who sell sex persistently," which is defined as twice or more within a three-month period of time.
Wee Wii Competion is Fatal In California… A radio station water-drinking contest ended in tragedy in January with Jennifer Strange, age 28, died from drinking too much water. The grand prize was a Nintendo Wii. It was part of a contest entitled "Hold Your Wee for a Wii."
And those were to top strange, weird and oddball stories of 2007 as a part of today’s bottom of the news on this Friday January 25, 2008.
###
Friday, January 18, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, January 18, 2008
“Remembering My Dad, Stan Drewelow”
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… It is good to be back and I must tell you how much I appreciate your prayers, notes and messages of encouragement over the past few weeks.
My dad, Stan Drewelow, went home on January 8th. He battled his last couple of weeks in the final stages of leukemia and his final passing was a blessing for all of us, especially my Mom. This has been a sad/glad time for my family and, at my dad’s insistence; we celebrated his life. We laughed and we cried and it was a precious and wonderful time with family and friends.
So, if you don’t mind, I want to share a couple of things that always amazed me about my dad…
First, in 1980, at the age of 48 he discovered computer programming. He starting reading and taking classes to teach himself about mainframe languages and eventually became a programmer, an analyst, a web designer and he was a code writer for Y2K work.
This became his passion and he earned the nickname of the “Wizard” from his colleagues at MCI, National Computer Systems and ACT. Guys half his age with MIS degrees would recruit him to be their trouble shooter on their team because he had a knack of figuring things out. His work spanned the globe and with a Google search his name can be found on many websites in several countries. As I have seen from many emails and calls, his work and passion impacted people around the world.
Second, my Dad was an eternal optimist (sometimes unrealistically so according to my mom) and he always gave people the benefit of the doubt (except for us kids, of which we had 8!). He loved people and this really hit home for me when I was preparing my thoughts to share at his service. In looking through his computer one of his last emails was to a friend and it said this… “It’s not what you write on your tombstone, but rather what you write on someone’s heart.”
Okay, the last thing I want to share about my dad is that he loved to eat and all the holiday food was a thrill and yet a challenge for him, as it is for many of us. He also knew about my Bottom of the News duties and he would send me things. In early December he sent me a poem entitled “The Week After the Holidays” and I’m sure you will recognize the theme…
'Twas the week after the holidays, and all through the house,nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.The cookies I'd nibble, the eggnog I'd taste,all the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales, there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). I remembered the marvelous meals I prepared...The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,and the way I never never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,and prepared once again to battle the dirt.
I said to myself, as I only can, "You can't spend a winter dressed like a man!"
So away with the last of the sour cream dip,get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,until all the additional ounces have vanished!
I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick, not!
I won't have hot biscuits, or cornbread, or pie.I'll munch on a carrot -- and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore,but isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot, Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
Well, I can’t really call this the Bottom of the News, but I do appreciate the time to share about my Dad on this Friday, January 18, 2008. Thank you!
###
“Remembering My Dad, Stan Drewelow”
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… It is good to be back and I must tell you how much I appreciate your prayers, notes and messages of encouragement over the past few weeks.
My dad, Stan Drewelow, went home on January 8th. He battled his last couple of weeks in the final stages of leukemia and his final passing was a blessing for all of us, especially my Mom. This has been a sad/glad time for my family and, at my dad’s insistence; we celebrated his life. We laughed and we cried and it was a precious and wonderful time with family and friends.
So, if you don’t mind, I want to share a couple of things that always amazed me about my dad…
First, in 1980, at the age of 48 he discovered computer programming. He starting reading and taking classes to teach himself about mainframe languages and eventually became a programmer, an analyst, a web designer and he was a code writer for Y2K work.
This became his passion and he earned the nickname of the “Wizard” from his colleagues at MCI, National Computer Systems and ACT. Guys half his age with MIS degrees would recruit him to be their trouble shooter on their team because he had a knack of figuring things out. His work spanned the globe and with a Google search his name can be found on many websites in several countries. As I have seen from many emails and calls, his work and passion impacted people around the world.
Second, my Dad was an eternal optimist (sometimes unrealistically so according to my mom) and he always gave people the benefit of the doubt (except for us kids, of which we had 8!). He loved people and this really hit home for me when I was preparing my thoughts to share at his service. In looking through his computer one of his last emails was to a friend and it said this… “It’s not what you write on your tombstone, but rather what you write on someone’s heart.”
Okay, the last thing I want to share about my dad is that he loved to eat and all the holiday food was a thrill and yet a challenge for him, as it is for many of us. He also knew about my Bottom of the News duties and he would send me things. In early December he sent me a poem entitled “The Week After the Holidays” and I’m sure you will recognize the theme…
'Twas the week after the holidays, and all through the house,nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.The cookies I'd nibble, the eggnog I'd taste,all the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales, there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). I remembered the marvelous meals I prepared...The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,and the way I never never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,and prepared once again to battle the dirt.
I said to myself, as I only can, "You can't spend a winter dressed like a man!"
So away with the last of the sour cream dip,get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,until all the additional ounces have vanished!
I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick, not!
I won't have hot biscuits, or cornbread, or pie.I'll munch on a carrot -- and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore,but isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot, Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
Well, I can’t really call this the Bottom of the News, but I do appreciate the time to share about my Dad on this Friday, January 18, 2008. Thank you!
###
Friday, January 04, 2008
Bottom of the News… Friday, January 4, 2008
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Happy New Year and welcome to the first edition of the Bottom of the News for 2008!
DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO!
Vince Hogg, 45, and Beverley Burns, 42, are notorious in Fife Scotland for their regular “domestic battles” according to a recent report from the local court. In their latest skirmish, Hogg pulled Burns' hair and threw her against a wall.
The prosecutor reported that… "He was angry about the fact a shower was leaking and caused a carpet to get wet,” Hogg pled guilty and got probation rather than jail.
But the prosecutor also told the court that Hogg has to deal with “serious consequences because of his line of work." Hogg has worked for the National Health Service for 27 years, and is "heavily involved" in the Zero Tolerance Campaign Against Domestic Violence. And recently he was promoted to the position of anger management counselor, but that promotion was rescinded after his arrest.
Hogg was suspended temporarily with full pay while he serves out his probation, however, he will return to work at NHS. The judge in the case was concerned that Hogg was taking advantage of the loopholes in "Zero Tolerance" policy and that he did not practice what he taught to kids and adults in his work. It appeared that Hogg, as the maker of rules, did not follow his owning teachings.
BIG SISTER IS WATCHING
To cut down on shoplifting in stores, police in Derbyshire, England, have been providing shops with life-sized cardboard cutouts of one of their active-duty policemen that can be on display in the stores.
Anna Gaskell recently picked up 10 cutouts of herself and said "They're very realistic and looking at ten of me was surreal," she said. The program has been a success, with dramatic reductions in shoplifting in stores where the cutouts are set up, conspicuously watching over shoppers.
There was one notable failure in one shop, however; in the town of Belper, a shop had its cardboard cutout stolen – it was the cardboard cutout of a police dog chasing a suspected robber!
OK BUDDY, WHERE'S THE FIRE?
When the Anchorage Inn in Rouses Point, N.Y., caught fire, the small town at the extreme north tip of the state called for help from neighboring fire departments. The town of Lacolle, which is located right across the border in Canada (just 8 miles away), sent an engine, but it was stopped at the border by a U.S. Customs official.
"I've been crossing this border for 30 years, and the only question we were ever asked was, ‘Where's the fire?’” said Lacolle fire Chief Jean-Pierre Hebert. This time, however, the firefighters were delayed for as long as 15 minutes while they explained why they didn't have their passports in their bunker gear.
"When you're answering a call at midnight, all you think about is putting on your pants," Hebert said. "You don't think about taking your wallet." Two other trucks behind them, also running with lights and sirens, were also delayed.
Hebert said American authorities promised the "isolated incident" would not be repeated. Too late for the restaurant… it burnt to the ground. One local authority commented that the fire probably did more damage that any fire truck-borne terrorists could have accomplished.
And this is the bottom of the news on this Friday January 4, 2008.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Happy New Year and welcome to the first edition of the Bottom of the News for 2008!
DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO!
Vince Hogg, 45, and Beverley Burns, 42, are notorious in Fife Scotland for their regular “domestic battles” according to a recent report from the local court. In their latest skirmish, Hogg pulled Burns' hair and threw her against a wall.
The prosecutor reported that… "He was angry about the fact a shower was leaking and caused a carpet to get wet,” Hogg pled guilty and got probation rather than jail.
But the prosecutor also told the court that Hogg has to deal with “serious consequences because of his line of work." Hogg has worked for the National Health Service for 27 years, and is "heavily involved" in the Zero Tolerance Campaign Against Domestic Violence. And recently he was promoted to the position of anger management counselor, but that promotion was rescinded after his arrest.
Hogg was suspended temporarily with full pay while he serves out his probation, however, he will return to work at NHS. The judge in the case was concerned that Hogg was taking advantage of the loopholes in "Zero Tolerance" policy and that he did not practice what he taught to kids and adults in his work. It appeared that Hogg, as the maker of rules, did not follow his owning teachings.
BIG SISTER IS WATCHING
To cut down on shoplifting in stores, police in Derbyshire, England, have been providing shops with life-sized cardboard cutouts of one of their active-duty policemen that can be on display in the stores.
Anna Gaskell recently picked up 10 cutouts of herself and said "They're very realistic and looking at ten of me was surreal," she said. The program has been a success, with dramatic reductions in shoplifting in stores where the cutouts are set up, conspicuously watching over shoppers.
There was one notable failure in one shop, however; in the town of Belper, a shop had its cardboard cutout stolen – it was the cardboard cutout of a police dog chasing a suspected robber!
OK BUDDY, WHERE'S THE FIRE?
When the Anchorage Inn in Rouses Point, N.Y., caught fire, the small town at the extreme north tip of the state called for help from neighboring fire departments. The town of Lacolle, which is located right across the border in Canada (just 8 miles away), sent an engine, but it was stopped at the border by a U.S. Customs official.
"I've been crossing this border for 30 years, and the only question we were ever asked was, ‘Where's the fire?’” said Lacolle fire Chief Jean-Pierre Hebert. This time, however, the firefighters were delayed for as long as 15 minutes while they explained why they didn't have their passports in their bunker gear.
"When you're answering a call at midnight, all you think about is putting on your pants," Hebert said. "You don't think about taking your wallet." Two other trucks behind them, also running with lights and sirens, were also delayed.
Hebert said American authorities promised the "isolated incident" would not be repeated. Too late for the restaurant… it burnt to the ground. One local authority commented that the fire probably did more damage that any fire truck-borne terrorists could have accomplished.
And this is the bottom of the news on this Friday January 4, 2008.
###
Friday, December 21, 2007
Bottom of the News… Friday, December 21, 2007
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well it is Christmastime and it is right around the corner, so I wanted share a few Christmas items from a few kids and a Mom…
Kids, who say the darndest things…
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what
would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church.
At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most
important role. Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister, "Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel."
A 7-year old child was drawing a picture of the Nativity. The picture was
very good, including Mary, Joseph and, of course, baby Jesus. However, there was a fat man standing in the corner of the stable that just did not seem to fit in. When the child was asked about it, she replied, "Oh, That's Round John Virgin."
A 3-year old asked why cookies and milk had to be left out for Santa? Before the mom could answer, her 8-year old daughter spoke up and said… “Because he's a man and can't get them for himself...”
Dear Santa Letter from a Mom…
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash with staples and a glue gun.
So, here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
On the practical side, how about a talking daughter doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight, and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of a Tibetan monk chanting, "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
If it's too late for any of these things, I'd settle for time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.
Santa, would it be okay if we could declare ketchup a vegetable? Also, it would be great if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payments.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many and please don’t leave crumbs on my carpet.
Yours Always, Mom.
P.S. And one more thing Santa... you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in you.
And so as we wrap this year, may we count our blessings as we spend time with our friends and families. May we each remember the REAL reason we celebrate Christmas. As your Rotary Reporter for the bottom of the news on this Friday December 21st, I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… Well it is Christmastime and it is right around the corner, so I wanted share a few Christmas items from a few kids and a Mom…
Kids, who say the darndest things…
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what
would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church.
At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most
important role. Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister, "Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel."
A 7-year old child was drawing a picture of the Nativity. The picture was
very good, including Mary, Joseph and, of course, baby Jesus. However, there was a fat man standing in the corner of the stable that just did not seem to fit in. When the child was asked about it, she replied, "Oh, That's Round John Virgin."
A 3-year old asked why cookies and milk had to be left out for Santa? Before the mom could answer, her 8-year old daughter spoke up and said… “Because he's a man and can't get them for himself...”
Dear Santa Letter from a Mom…
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash with staples and a glue gun.
So, here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
On the practical side, how about a talking daughter doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight, and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of a Tibetan monk chanting, "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
If it's too late for any of these things, I'd settle for time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.
Santa, would it be okay if we could declare ketchup a vegetable? Also, it would be great if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payments.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many and please don’t leave crumbs on my carpet.
Yours Always, Mom.
P.S. And one more thing Santa... you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in you.
And so as we wrap this year, may we count our blessings as we spend time with our friends and families. May we each remember the REAL reason we celebrate Christmas. As your Rotary Reporter for the bottom of the news on this Friday December 21st, I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
###
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Good morning my fellow Rotarians…
Let's take a moment to remember a very important date in history... Early this morning, Dec 7, 1941, Pearl Harbor was attacked by the Japanese. Nearly 200 ships were destroyed in the surprise attack and nearly 3,000 people were killed that day. That event marked our entry into World War 2.
This day in history 66 years years ago “changed the world forever…” according to President Franklin Roosevelt, "May our country never be unprepared again." Someone once said that you are destined to repeat history if you don't learn from it AND if you are not prepared. Isn't that interesting how history can repeat itself.
Okay, on to a lighter note... At Christmas time we are looking for gift ideas for our children and grandchildren.
The Little Golden Books are classic books for children and each year the publisher looks to release new titles each fall to enhance sales going into this time of year. Well, as you can imagine they look at thousands titles and subsequent story lines, many of which never get published.
I thought it would be fun to look at a few of those Little Golden Books that did not make it to the publisher…
• The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
• Dad's New Wife Robert
• Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
• The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
• Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
• Some Kittens Can Fly
• That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
• Grandpa Gets a Casket
• The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
• Strangers Have the Best Candy
• Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
• You Were an Accident
• Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
• Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
• Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
• Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
• Learn How To Fly With Just a Ladder and a Pillowcase
• Mommy's Pills Taste Just Like Candy
• Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
Hey, what can I say? And this is the bottom of the news on this Friday December 7, 2007.
###
Let's take a moment to remember a very important date in history... Early this morning, Dec 7, 1941, Pearl Harbor was attacked by the Japanese. Nearly 200 ships were destroyed in the surprise attack and nearly 3,000 people were killed that day. That event marked our entry into World War 2.
This day in history 66 years years ago “changed the world forever…” according to President Franklin Roosevelt, "May our country never be unprepared again." Someone once said that you are destined to repeat history if you don't learn from it AND if you are not prepared. Isn't that interesting how history can repeat itself.
Okay, on to a lighter note... At Christmas time we are looking for gift ideas for our children and grandchildren.
The Little Golden Books are classic books for children and each year the publisher looks to release new titles each fall to enhance sales going into this time of year. Well, as you can imagine they look at thousands titles and subsequent story lines, many of which never get published.
I thought it would be fun to look at a few of those Little Golden Books that did not make it to the publisher…
• The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
• Dad's New Wife Robert
• Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
• The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
• Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
• Some Kittens Can Fly
• That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
• Grandpa Gets a Casket
• The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
• Strangers Have the Best Candy
• Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
• You Were an Accident
• Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
• Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
• Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
• Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
• Learn How To Fly With Just a Ladder and a Pillowcase
• Mommy's Pills Taste Just Like Candy
• Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
Hey, what can I say? And this is the bottom of the news on this Friday December 7, 2007.
###
Friday, November 30, 2007
Bottom of the News… Friday, November 30, 2007
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… For our news this week we will look at a report recently released by the American Assoc for Retired People, AARP. With baby boomers just starting to retire, AARP decided to conduct a study on the best parts of the country to live after retirement.
You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 a year and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them in minutes rather than miles.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
You can Live in New York City where...
1. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get somewhere in the city, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
2. You think Central Park is a "nature area".
3. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
4. You've worn out a car horn.
5. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You can Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with fewer than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy ammo in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid legal defense.
4. Everyone has two first names -- Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
So, for you early boomers out there, you now have the results of this AARP survey and this will help you to make a more educated decision about where you may want to retire - Darrell, are you listening?
And this is the bottom of the news for Friday November 30, 2007.
###
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… For our news this week we will look at a report recently released by the American Assoc for Retired People, AARP. With baby boomers just starting to retire, AARP decided to conduct a study on the best parts of the country to live after retirement.
You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 a year and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them in minutes rather than miles.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
You can Live in New York City where...
1. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get somewhere in the city, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
2. You think Central Park is a "nature area".
3. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
4. You've worn out a car horn.
5. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You can Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with fewer than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy ammo in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid legal defense.
4. Everyone has two first names -- Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
So, for you early boomers out there, you now have the results of this AARP survey and this will help you to make a more educated decision about where you may want to retire - Darrell, are you listening?
And this is the bottom of the news for Friday November 30, 2007.
###
Monday, November 19, 2007
Good morning my fellow Rotarians… For our news this week I thought it would be fun to look what is going on in corporate America, according to one of foremost business experts… Dilbert.
You know the nerdy guy and comic strip character that seems to right on the right on the money when pointing out the obvious and the absurd in the workplace. According to Dilbert’s official magazine, "Dilbert Management Today", the Dilbert Immediate Response Team (or DIRT Team) continually is on the lookout for real-life Dilbert-type managers.
So, here are a few REAL quotes from Dilbert managers across America…
1. (Switching supervisor, AT&T) "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
2. An employee was telling his boss that his sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for the following Monday. The boss did not react well, telling the employee that his sister died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. When the boss asked if the employee if he could change her funeral to Friday, the boss was quoted as saying, "Friday would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
3. Quote from the boss (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation): "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
4. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, 3M Corp.)
5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
6. "This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Marketing manager, UPS)
7. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
8. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)
9. (Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp.) "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
Yes, Dilbert if alive and well in corporate America! And this is the bottom of the news on this Friday November 16, 2007.
You know the nerdy guy and comic strip character that seems to right on the right on the money when pointing out the obvious and the absurd in the workplace. According to Dilbert’s official magazine, "Dilbert Management Today", the Dilbert Immediate Response Team (or DIRT Team) continually is on the lookout for real-life Dilbert-type managers.
So, here are a few REAL quotes from Dilbert managers across America…
1. (Switching supervisor, AT&T) "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
2. An employee was telling his boss that his sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for the following Monday. The boss did not react well, telling the employee that his sister died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. When the boss asked if the employee if he could change her funeral to Friday, the boss was quoted as saying, "Friday would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
3. Quote from the boss (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation): "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
4. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, 3M Corp.)
5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
6. "This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Marketing manager, UPS)
7. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
8. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)
9. (Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp.) "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
Yes, Dilbert if alive and well in corporate America! And this is the bottom of the news on this Friday November 16, 2007.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Bottom of the News… Friday, November 8, 2007
Good morning! Well, my fellow Rotarians, it’s a wild week when wacky laws are in the news…
LONDON (AFP) - Queen Elizabeth’s speech in the British parliament last Tuesday may have been routine but at least nobody got bored to death. And that’s a good thing because boredom with the Queen is against the law in the UK!
That’s right and a number of other little known ridiculous laws came to light last week when a British TV station released the results of a survey that asked people their thoughts on the most absurd and ridiculous laws in Britain.
Other rules deemed utterly stupid includes the ability to kill a Scotsman if he is carrying a bow-and-arrow within the city walls of York, northern England. Also, the prohibition of spitting in public is still on the books throughout the UK, as it is in several US cities as well.
So, here are the top 7 most ridiculous British laws…
7. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of amour (three percent)
6. A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants and even a policeman must oblige even if she asks to use his helmet (four percent)
5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter (four percent)
4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day (five percent); this originates from the 17th century when Puritan Oliver Crowmell was determined to eliminate gluttony. Nearly half of those surveyed admitted to breaking this law annually.
3. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside-down (seven percent)
2. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament (27 percent). This ban has a legitimate reason… anyone who dies in the royal palace is technically entitled to a state funeral. So, if they see you looking sick, they quickly carry you off the premises
1. Most ridiculous law in Britain… In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless unless she is a clerk in a tropical fish store (six percent).
So, how about a few examples of stupid US laws…
In Ohio… it is illegal to get a fish drunk!
In Florida… Unmarried women cannot parachute on Sunday
In Alabama… is illegal to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle (6 per cent). Did I say Alabama?
And that my friends is the bottom of the news on this November 9, 2007.
###
Good morning! Well, my fellow Rotarians, it’s a wild week when wacky laws are in the news…
LONDON (AFP) - Queen Elizabeth’s speech in the British parliament last Tuesday may have been routine but at least nobody got bored to death. And that’s a good thing because boredom with the Queen is against the law in the UK!
That’s right and a number of other little known ridiculous laws came to light last week when a British TV station released the results of a survey that asked people their thoughts on the most absurd and ridiculous laws in Britain.
Other rules deemed utterly stupid includes the ability to kill a Scotsman if he is carrying a bow-and-arrow within the city walls of York, northern England. Also, the prohibition of spitting in public is still on the books throughout the UK, as it is in several US cities as well.
So, here are the top 7 most ridiculous British laws…
7. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of amour (three percent)
6. A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants and even a policeman must oblige even if she asks to use his helmet (four percent)
5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter (four percent)
4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day (five percent); this originates from the 17th century when Puritan Oliver Crowmell was determined to eliminate gluttony. Nearly half of those surveyed admitted to breaking this law annually.
3. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside-down (seven percent)
2. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament (27 percent). This ban has a legitimate reason… anyone who dies in the royal palace is technically entitled to a state funeral. So, if they see you looking sick, they quickly carry you off the premises
1. Most ridiculous law in Britain… In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless unless she is a clerk in a tropical fish store (six percent).
So, how about a few examples of stupid US laws…
In Ohio… it is illegal to get a fish drunk!
In Florida… Unmarried women cannot parachute on Sunday
In Alabama… is illegal to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle (6 per cent). Did I say Alabama?
And that my friends is the bottom of the news on this November 9, 2007.
###
Bottom of the News… Friday, November 2, 2007
Good morning! Well, my fellow Rotarians, let’s take a look at some of the weird and crazy things that are happening in our world…
Russia: President Vladimir Putin identified a new priority this summer and has rolled out a program to dramatically increase Russian’s declining population. Putin has decided to create a national youth movement with the sole purpose to encourage young Russian couples to have more babies.
According to a July report in London's Daily Mail, one Russian province is promoting September 12th as a patriotic conception day; they are giving away new SUV’s, major vacations and cash incentives to couples whose babies are born on June 12, which is Russia's Constitution Day.
Putin held a two-week convention in July with over 10,000 people in attendance. The conference had many workshops and promoted contests and prizes to encourage people to build larger families. One conference attendee said… “As a homework assignment, we were encouraged to have lots of sex so we could have lots of babies! Now that’s homework I can enjoy!” Wow.
Kansas: Recently a police patrol car was parked outside a bar in Jerseyville, Kansas after last call. The officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night—he flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights and promptly pulled the man over. He administered a breathalyzer test and to his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to come with me down to the sheriff's office because this breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the truly proud non-drinker. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
And as your Rotary Reporter, this is the bottom of the news for November 2, 2007.
###
Good morning! Well, my fellow Rotarians, let’s take a look at some of the weird and crazy things that are happening in our world…
Russia: President Vladimir Putin identified a new priority this summer and has rolled out a program to dramatically increase Russian’s declining population. Putin has decided to create a national youth movement with the sole purpose to encourage young Russian couples to have more babies.
According to a July report in London's Daily Mail, one Russian province is promoting September 12th as a patriotic conception day; they are giving away new SUV’s, major vacations and cash incentives to couples whose babies are born on June 12, which is Russia's Constitution Day.
Putin held a two-week convention in July with over 10,000 people in attendance. The conference had many workshops and promoted contests and prizes to encourage people to build larger families. One conference attendee said… “As a homework assignment, we were encouraged to have lots of sex so we could have lots of babies! Now that’s homework I can enjoy!” Wow.
Kansas: Recently a police patrol car was parked outside a bar in Jerseyville, Kansas after last call. The officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night—he flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights and promptly pulled the man over. He administered a breathalyzer test and to his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to come with me down to the sheriff's office because this breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the truly proud non-drinker. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
And as your Rotary Reporter, this is the bottom of the news for November 2, 2007.
###
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Bottom of the News… Friday, October 12, 2007
Good morning! Well, my fellow Rotarians, let’s take a look at some of the weird and crazy things that are happening in our world…
Seattle, WA – The Do It Yourselfer… Last week when a man went through the self-checkout station at a Home Depot store in Seattle, Wash., he accidentally punched the button for the computer to talk to him in Spanish. After several attempts to get the machine to revert back to English, the man apparently became very "frustrated” that the machine continued speaking Spanish to him regardless of what buttons he pushed, according to the police report.
The first item the man was trying to buy was a pry bar and as his frustration reached a breaking point he used the bar to smash the computer at the store. After beating on the machine for what seemed like several minutes, according to store employees, the man dropped the pry bar in his shopping cart and walked out.
The result was $10,000 damage to the checkout station and the man still has not been found by police. Good thing he wasn't buying a chainsaw!
Denver, CO – Something Fishy Here… The state of Colorado and the
U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service have been working since the 1970’s to restore the official Colorado State Fish, the greenback cutthroat trout, to rivers in the Rocky Mountains.
After 30 years of working on this project, the University of Colorado decided to do a study (at a cost of $300,000 by the way) to see how they're doing. The result… you guessed, they have been stocking the wrong fish! DNA analysis shows that the fish being stocked in the rivers for the past 30 years isn't the greenback cutthroat trout, but rather the Colorado River cutthroat trout.
One Colorado legislative member, after learning of the 30-year mistake, decided it would be easier and cheaper to simply change the state’s official fish rather than spending the untold hundreds of thousands of dollars to restock the right fish. The senator has introduced a bill to change the state’s official fish to the Colorado River cutthroat trout.
London, UK – To Protect and Serve… "I was just walking along the pavement and heard the police car siren coming behind us," says Daniel Horne, 28 of Beddau, Wales. Horne was walking on the sidewalk in his neighborhood when a police car jumped up the curb off the roadway and hit him.
"The car hit my right leg and knocked me over” and Horne’s foot was crushed under the front wheel of the patrol car. The police offer was very apologetic and told Horne he felt terrible! He took Horne to the hospital, stayed with him for three hours as his foot was put in a cast and then gave him a ride home.
As it turned out, Horne's ordeal wasn't over. That same afternoon, the officer pressed charges to Horne for "criminal damage" -- denting the police car, which resulted in a fine of 80 Pounds (US$160) fine. Horne as since hired a lawyer to fight the fine and to sue the police department. The only comment from a police spokesman was that they had… "Received a complaint from Mr. Horne and we are looking into it."
And as your Rotary Reporter, this is the bottom of the news for October 12, 2007.
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Good morning! Well, my fellow Rotarians, let’s take a look at some of the weird and crazy things that are happening in our world…
Seattle, WA – The Do It Yourselfer… Last week when a man went through the self-checkout station at a Home Depot store in Seattle, Wash., he accidentally punched the button for the computer to talk to him in Spanish. After several attempts to get the machine to revert back to English, the man apparently became very "frustrated” that the machine continued speaking Spanish to him regardless of what buttons he pushed, according to the police report.
The first item the man was trying to buy was a pry bar and as his frustration reached a breaking point he used the bar to smash the computer at the store. After beating on the machine for what seemed like several minutes, according to store employees, the man dropped the pry bar in his shopping cart and walked out.
The result was $10,000 damage to the checkout station and the man still has not been found by police. Good thing he wasn't buying a chainsaw!
Denver, CO – Something Fishy Here… The state of Colorado and the
U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service have been working since the 1970’s to restore the official Colorado State Fish, the greenback cutthroat trout, to rivers in the Rocky Mountains.
After 30 years of working on this project, the University of Colorado decided to do a study (at a cost of $300,000 by the way) to see how they're doing. The result… you guessed, they have been stocking the wrong fish! DNA analysis shows that the fish being stocked in the rivers for the past 30 years isn't the greenback cutthroat trout, but rather the Colorado River cutthroat trout.
One Colorado legislative member, after learning of the 30-year mistake, decided it would be easier and cheaper to simply change the state’s official fish rather than spending the untold hundreds of thousands of dollars to restock the right fish. The senator has introduced a bill to change the state’s official fish to the Colorado River cutthroat trout.
London, UK – To Protect and Serve… "I was just walking along the pavement and heard the police car siren coming behind us," says Daniel Horne, 28 of Beddau, Wales. Horne was walking on the sidewalk in his neighborhood when a police car jumped up the curb off the roadway and hit him.
"The car hit my right leg and knocked me over” and Horne’s foot was crushed under the front wheel of the patrol car. The police offer was very apologetic and told Horne he felt terrible! He took Horne to the hospital, stayed with him for three hours as his foot was put in a cast and then gave him a ride home.
As it turned out, Horne's ordeal wasn't over. That same afternoon, the officer pressed charges to Horne for "criminal damage" -- denting the police car, which resulted in a fine of 80 Pounds (US$160) fine. Horne as since hired a lawyer to fight the fine and to sue the police department. The only comment from a police spokesman was that they had… "Received a complaint from Mr. Horne and we are looking into it."
And as your Rotary Reporter, this is the bottom of the news for October 12, 2007.
###
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Well, last week you may recall that I picked on WestJet Airlines for losing a young boy on one of their flights, so I thought I’d continue that theme.
Every so often the airline crew members try to make the in-flight "safety lecture" a bit more entertaining and they try to lighten things up for passengers after some interesting situations in flight, so I thought I’d share some reported stories:
A Delta pilot announced… "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
After a less than perfect landing the Air Tran attendant announced, "We ask you boys and girls to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
From America West… "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
After a very hard landing in Salt Lake City the Southwest attendant announced… "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault and it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt." (groan!)
On United… "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings, otherwise anything left behind will be distributed evenly amongst the flight crew. Please, please do not leave any children or spouses."
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us on US Air Express today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Air West attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells have stopped, then we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
"Ladies and Gentlemen, on Southwest Airlines if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is outside on the wing. And our policy is… if you can light 'em, then you can smoke 'em."
After reaching their cruising altitude, the United captain came on with his usual announcement, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking and I’d like to welcome you to Flight 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead looks great and we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now I invite you to sit back and… OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on… "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap and you should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled back, "that's nothing; you should see the back of mine!"
New Zealand Air has a policy that after a very rough landing they require their first officer to stand at the exit door with a smile thanking passengers for flying with them. Because this landing was so bad, the pilot had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would make a smart comment. Finally after everyone had gotten off the plane, except for a little old lady with a cane, she approached the pilot she said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
And as your Rotary Reporter, this is the bottom of the news for October 5, 2007.
###
Every so often the airline crew members try to make the in-flight "safety lecture" a bit more entertaining and they try to lighten things up for passengers after some interesting situations in flight, so I thought I’d share some reported stories:
A Delta pilot announced… "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
After a less than perfect landing the Air Tran attendant announced, "We ask you boys and girls to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
From America West… "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
After a very hard landing in Salt Lake City the Southwest attendant announced… "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault and it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt." (groan!)
On United… "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings, otherwise anything left behind will be distributed evenly amongst the flight crew. Please, please do not leave any children or spouses."
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us on US Air Express today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Air West attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells have stopped, then we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
"Ladies and Gentlemen, on Southwest Airlines if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is outside on the wing. And our policy is… if you can light 'em, then you can smoke 'em."
After reaching their cruising altitude, the United captain came on with his usual announcement, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking and I’d like to welcome you to Flight 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead looks great and we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now I invite you to sit back and… OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on… "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap and you should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled back, "that's nothing; you should see the back of mine!"
New Zealand Air has a policy that after a very rough landing they require their first officer to stand at the exit door with a smile thanking passengers for flying with them. Because this landing was so bad, the pilot had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would make a smart comment. Finally after everyone had gotten off the plane, except for a little old lady with a cane, she approached the pilot she said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
And as your Rotary Reporter, this is the bottom of the news for October 5, 2007.
###
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